I found him behind the 7-11 store selling stolen CD car player and rest of the sound system. he claim he stole it from the jewish pawn shop owners car.
He got me high once at the Oregon State Fair and we made out behind a craft booth. He wore tie dye and birkenstocks and I was so in love but he was a love 'em and leave 'em type and I never saw him again.
People always shout "look, it's Jesus," when I walk down the street, but when I look around I can never see him anywhere.
i met jesus once. he was playing in a civil war reenactment. when it was over i told him id pay him $5.12 if he would shave his beard, to which he replied "muttlesduggle dirp" and took another sip of his john wayne edition coors. as he walked off he tripped over a little kids pet turtle. the turtle was injured so the kid asked jesus to heal it. but jesus had passed out. so the kids parent took it to an animal hospital or something, that was the last i saw of them. since jesus was passed out my friends and i left and railed a few lines and went to various nearby pawnshops and record stores. we came back hours later to see if jesus had woken up, we found him and saw that he was preaching to a crowd of people. we listened and he was telling them how it was godly to vote republican. he was slightly hungover so he had to stand next to a garbage can. he told the crowd that he had caught a "flu", which triggered a burst of laughter from me and my friends. to which everyone of the biblethumbers turned around and shushed us. after the sermon was over jesus drove off in his orange pt cruser. my friends and i walked out through the parking lot and noticed that jesus had dropped his wallet. i looked in it and found his drivers licence, various credit cards, $78.35 in cash and change, and a picture of an overwieght cat. on his drivers licence we found out that jesus's last name was florence, and his middle initial was V. we spent his money on an 8 ball, a coke and 4 bus tickets to get home.
Ive never looked for him. Except that once, when he fell off of the rearview mirror in my car. So i found Jesus, under the passenger see of my Honda. (ok, Jesus wasnt literally on my rearview. my wife had a rosery on the mirror, of sentimental value, not religious. Her mom put it there so she never took it down. BUT oneday, when removing my shades from my nice beaded, saviour adorned sunshade holder, Jesus fell down
Oh my heron, I think you're the one with the dirty mind! I was WEARING the condom! You'll have to ask her that. Though I can't say I wouldn't be curious to try it if I found another one...
