So, As many of you know I had problems with my ex. I he was abusive, used drugs, and was genuinely not ready to be a dad. So, I moved in with a friend one state over. I let him know he could come see his son anytime he wanted and that he was welcome to be a father. I gave him a year, he came to visit once, called maybe three times (I made the initial call, he called back later). He didn't send money. When I asked him if he was coming to visit? Or if he was ready to help monetarily his answer was "You know I want to, I just can't right now." Now, I am working from home trying to get my business established but not making enough money to take care of both of us. My fiance is picking up my slack. I can't really afford to work full time-day care is really expensive and so I am working from home doing whatever I can. The two of us are planning to marry sometime next year. We plan to set a date for sure in the next few months. I love him, he loves me, and we make a great team. My fiance wants to adopt my son when we marry. We have been together for over two years. I am worried that if something happened to me there is nothing legally in place. My son would be placed with his unprepared still irresponsible father. And, I am bothered by the fact that my fiance does the work of a dad without the ability to make real decisions for him. I have asked my ex if he would sign off on his rights. He declined saying "wtf?" but when I asked if he was ready to assume some of the responsibility he gave his usual reply. What are my legal options now? I can't really afford a lawyer- we could but it would bring us to the brink financially and we wouldn't be able to afford a house within the year. Has anyone had any experience with this kind of thing? I am debating a few options... A. File for child support- wait till he misses a month of payment, file for abandonment and send him to jail for two years- then have ds adopted, B. Forget about it and wait without any kind of legal determination and chance ds's future. C. File to have him declared an unfit parent- difficult and costly, then have ds adopted when we marry. What do you think? Do I have other options? Who knows anything about Massachusetts law? Hg
He can't have his cake and eat it. If he doesn't want to be there for his kids, cut him off from em. If he does, then fine - draw up something amicable. If he threatens to not go along with the adoption, counter threaten to go for child support. Which WILL mean jail for him.
Probably the best thing you can do this early in the "game" is to simply let him know that his time really IS up, and it's time for him to either pay up and be involved, or sign over the rights he isn't using anyway. My aunt did this, and when presented this way, the biological father didn't put up a fight at all, which makde things a ton easier.
I'm in the SAME EXACT position wondering the same thing right now... all I was going to do was file for abandoment... he doesn't care about them or take care of them ever. Hes never once asked about them or cared to. If he wants to fight it he can take a drug test, be reviewed by a psycitrist and so on... if he passes that I want to make sure he has watched visitation if any(being a stranger to them, I don't trust him with the most important people in my life!). Make this guy aware if hes ready to step up he owes you back child support and future child support until your son is 18... if he didn't realize before maybe now he can and will or maybe not... You need to talk to him in person and listen I think to what he has to say, show him and let him meet the man who loves your son like his own so he can see that hes going to be well cared for... sorry if I'm rambling these are all the ideas I've had, they are jumbled. I still have no idea where to start for myself. Good luck!
Well I do have some experience in this situation but am so tiered of revisiting it. All I can say for sure though is that you cannot send someone to jail for 1 month's missed support payment. You have got to be behind substainally to be put in jail and usually all of the other options are tried before even setting a court date to have them put in jail.
You guys have got to realize that if there is no order of custody, the father has just as much right to the child as the mother does. You have to go to court and get that order of custody. And that includes child support. I don't know if you can get help from legal aid or something like that. But you have got to protect your child at all costs. I know lawyers are expensive but getting back a kidnapped child is even more expensive. I am a social worker and I've seen horrible things happen because "we had an agreement that I would keep the child and he would pay support." Even the most agreeable separation can end up not agreeable. Like Starfly said, if his name is not on the birth certificate it is a bit easier for you to deal with custody matters. But in this country that still does not mean he does not have rights. He can come and take your child if he wants to. I know this sounds harsh, but I've seen the reality of what can and does happen. If you have a child and you are not married to the father, he can take the child. If you have a child and you are married to the father, you need to get an order of custody immediately if you should break up. Either parent can take the child and the other parent has little legal recourse. Please get that child support and custody order as soon as possible. Then if he doesn't want to pay up, tell him to sign the papers or go to jail. We as women can be taken advantage of so easily because we don't know that laws. And yes, sometimes men too. But usually it's the women. Kathi
I called social services, then the probate court in my area. I am planning to file for "full physical and legal custody." Then asking for child support, back child support 1/2 of daycare fees and since I'm on state insurance I can ask that he be covered by his dad's insurance plan. This totals about 300+ a week. I am planning to counter visitation by asking for him to be drug tested every time he comes to pick up my son or to have supervised visitation. I think probably when faced with the reality of the costs of owning up to having a child he will sign off on parentage. How are you doing Earthy Mama, whats your situation? Have you talked to anyone legal? What did they tell you? Good luck, H
