my marriage is going to hell and i'm losing myself

yeah, that pretty much sums it all up. or maybe i lost myself because i decided to give my marriage another shot. we were separated for half a year, then back together since the beginning of summer. now it's totally finished. but we're still living in the same house.

and i'm losing my mind

he keeps pulling all kinds of head trips on me.

i try to stay out of the house when i know he's going to be here, but that's not always possible. i have to sleep sometimes, y'know.

my home is no longer my sanctuary, it's a pit in the seventh ring of hell (well, i dont actually believe in hell, but if i did, this is probably a lot like what it would look like).

i'm trying to keep it together for my kid. trying not to lose what little social network i've managed to pull together during the separation. i've got no family here, no close friends to rely on. he makes sure of that.

my immune system is shot to hell, i keep getting sick. i've got so much stuff to do, i cant affod to be sick on top of everything else that's going on

not sure what my point is, or what i'm looking for by posting this. it's life, it sucks right now. it'll get better... sooner or later, i'll stop feeling like i'm drowning in quicksand, right?

 

Sounds like every other marraige out there, except mynameiskc's.

 

what... really? no way! some people actually enjoy spending time with their partners.

 

Nimh - do you have kids? If not make a clean break, get on with your life, and don't make the same mistake.

 

yeah, we have a son. there is no clean break, we're going to have to deal with each other for the rest of our lives


fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck...

 

I'm truly sorry. I would like to chat with you outside these forums.. I sent you a PM and would really like to hear back from you.

 

You dont have to be sad. You should do what is right for your health. Your son will grow up to be a strong man. The more exsperiences in life he'll get the stronger he will grow.
Pleace dont think that you have to stay and be misserable! Just follow your gut and do what you think is best.
let peace be with you and know there are people out there that care!

 

thx, ZenMunchy, i'm not planning on staying here forever. i want to get my own place and start over fresh. it's just that in the meantime, i'm here dealing with all of this crap. it's hard to stay together enough to start over again when i'm in the thick of turmoil and chaos. it's like i shut down whenever he's here. or whenever i have to look at his stuff or whatever. it's really hard for me to function as a human being.

_orgazmik_~i'll pm you back

 

Put your Sons feelings and life first and you can't go wrong.
When we stay together FOR the kids it's bullshit thinking. Would you want YOUR Son to be in the relationship you now have with his Father? Yes-you will both have to be ADULTS and deal with the fact that you both are NOT in Love with one another anymore and have a Child who needs you both to come from LOVE and not FEAR!

 

you will have to deal with each other for the rest of your lifes but it will get easier. you have to think of your son, you didnt say how old he is but i bet he knows that mummy and daddy are fighting and its tense and things.

move out find a nice little flat or house for you and your child, or ask your partner to move out - help him, dont throw stuff in bags and chuck it all out - thats what you do when he's cheating lol, help him pack, help him find somewhere and i bet you will all be happier x

 

your kid will probably be happier living with a mom who is happy, relaxed and HEALTHY, than living in a tense environment. kids definitely pick up on tension between their parents, and they hate it. so if you're thinking that still living with the father is whats best for the kid, you might want to reconsider. i mean, if he's making sure that you don't make friends, he's being mentally/emotionally abusive, and you don't need him doing that to your child, too. he doesn't sound like a mentally stable guy. and do you want your kid growing up in that environment? the times my mom has was single were the best times. reading what you said reminds me of living with my ex-step-dad, specifically about not wanting to go home and your house no longer being your sanctuary... if you're feeling that way, it's only a matter of time till your son starts feeling that way, too. good luck with everything.

 

thanks for all the well wishes.


i refuse to stay in a loveless marriage.

i just need to get out of this mental funk long enough to get organized and into my own space.