extremely jealous

So Nick just met this girl in his French class... she has exactly the same taste in music has him (and I..), she agrees with him on everything, she loves France and French so of course since he speaks French almost fluently after living with me for more than 3 years, she asks him for help and all.. they go to the language lab together, all that.

I haven't met her yet, but I'm going to on Monday (3 days from today). Nick doesn't understand why I have hate feelings toward her. But shouldn't I be jealous? I mean... Nick loves me, alright, and this girl is basically me exept she's shorter, skinnier, has short hair and is Italian-American. He says he's not attracted to her, at all, but why wouldn't he fall in love with her, she's just like me and he fell in love with me!!!! Physical appearance can't matter that much.. can it? And she's trying to pick him up so hard... she needs help with French MY ASS!! And she borrowed a ton of our vynil records... grrrrrrrrr I HATE HER!!!!

And guess what? Nick wants us to be friends. He says we could be the best friends ever.. he says he doesn't care for her friendship at all, he's trying to get ME friends.. cause yeah I complain a lot about not having any friends who have the same taste in music as me. And she'd love to meet me she said.. I don't know what to believe... I don't know... I feel that, let's say we become friends, alright, isn't she always gonna feel closer with Nick, since she met him first? I'd hate that... like I don't mind Nick having close friends as long as he's known them before me, but not after.

What do you think? Do I exagerate? Do you think I have no reasons to be jealous? What should I do? HELP!

 

You have every right to feel the way you do. Personally, I think if you two have been together for three years, you have a history together, he's grown to love you and I'm sure you've been through a lot together. I don't think there is any girl that could get in the way of that.

I know what this girl is trying to pull...mark my words here, I've been right every time I called someone out on this. She is going to meet you and try to morph herself into being EXACTLY like you, thinking she can move in on Nick that way. Warn Nick about it ahead of time that that's what you think is going on...not nagging or anything, but just say, "watch"...he'll see it, laugh at her, and continue to love you.

Don't worry, just be aware.

 

you should meet the girl and be real bitchy and hang all over your man. if she still wants to hang with you then she might be worth getting to know. but she needs to understand that he is your man. and if she gets competitive with you kick her ass

 

Oh, yeah, guys just love bitchy, clingy women.

I would take the higher ground and be nice to her and like DanceAnnie says, Stay watchful.

 

some guys might like it if their girl stands up for herself if she feels threatened

 

i was in a similar situation but i was the "other girl". this girl (well call her jess) didnt like that fact that i was becoming friends with her boyfriend who worked next door to me. i could tell by the way she looked at me with a very suspicious "are you going to steal my boyfriend?" kind of look. but he told me that we had alot in common, liked the same music..etc. i was TOTALLY NOT interested in this guy....i just thought he was cool and liked him as a friend and was totally open to hanging out with jess. i cant remember exactly how but we did end up hanging out and becoming good friends practically right away. my loyalty was always to her first and foremost even tho i had met him first, as her friend i had an obligation to her...i secrectly think that it still bothered her with me being around sometimes b/c im almost certain that he was interested in me but i think she knew that i didnt like him that way and wouldnt do that to her regardless. not every girl is out there to betray you and disrepect you. i say that if you are the least bit curious about maybe having her as a friend, be open to it but use your intuition. if it tells you not to trust her then you have every right to feel weird about your boyfriend being so close with her but she may just be a cool girl who wants a cool girl-friend to hang with.

jess and i stayed friends long after they broke up........

 

Well, I think that perhaps you are feeling a little bit insecure at the moment and you should give your boyfriend, if not this gal that you have never met, the benefit of the doubt.

Ummm who the fuck am I kidding? I was the other woman before many times and we do try to steal people's men, because we are insecure and think that we can prove that we are prettier or smarter or better somehow by making a man stray from his woman.

I am not proud of it mind you, I wish I could go back to my past and change it all then maybe I wouldn't be so paranoid myself. But I know how sneaky women are so I don't trust them.

Really though, that doesn't mean that this chick wants your man, at least not by the evidence that you have presented. Meet her and see what happens. Then don't trust her.

 

i think you should agree to meet her and judge whether she's one to be worried about. i know how you feel though...not nice at all...

 

Do a Threesome.

 

yeah just wear slutty outfits. you will win any guy.

 

Hahaha ... I second that.

No, but seriously ... when you do meet her, make it clear to her that he's your man, and I don't mean subtly. If you seriously fear her trying to take him away, make sure you let her know.

Say it outright and tell her: "I almost feel jealous, because I feel like you're trying to hit on my man, but I'm not going to hold it against you unless you actually DO try to do that, okay? So I'm just letting you know, he's mine, and if you don't try to steal him away from me, it's all good. Now that that's settled, do you want to go colour?"

 

Why do anything? If there's one thing I've learnt is that I cannot control how anyone else feels. Your bf either loves you completely and will take your feelings into consideration in what he does in his relationship with her or he will do whatever he wants to do. Give him his freedom to do what he will and if he truly loves you he will love you even more for your complete trust in him. It's a hard lesson to learn but I guess age brings some insights sometimes.

 

good job, lostnfound. i like it. getting all freaked out over this could really backfire on you in so many ways. i know you're not yet fully settled and enmeshed in your local society, being new to it, and that may be influencing you somewhat. there' sbeen plenty of women in dave's life who would like something more from him, but it's just not going to happen. i trust dave completely, if i didn't, there would be no point to this relationship at all. sometimes "the other woman' is nearly comical in her attempts to draw him away, but typically meeting her eye to eye and with supreme confidence tends to shake their conviciton that they'd be better for your man.

and never forget, there's just as many men out there who want a piece of you.

 

Thanks everyone for your opinion, advice and help; I really appreciate it! I like having a choice of different views and opinions on this.. it's made me think and I still think about it.

I'm meeting Lesa (that her name..) tomorrow, or at least, I should.. I'll tell you guys how it went!

And thanks again..

 

well, if she advances on you with her hand out and an overly cheerful expression on her face and tries to dominate you, she's trying to get your man. if she's more submissive to you, she probably understands your feelings and most likely is enduring the discomfort because she, too, wants a friend. friends are harder to find than lovers, especially for beautiful women.

 

alright, thanks for the advice! I'll think about it

 

No one can ever steal your partner, they have to want to be stolen...

Penny, I know how you feel, it was like this with my boy's ex. I had never met her, and from all accounts from my man, she was crazy, fun, sexy and awesome, so of course, left to my own devices, I imagined SupercoolawesomeWomanfromplanetsexy.

In my mind, she was anything and everything, and that made me go cxrazy, "Of course shes heaps better than me" I thought and I guess, its hard to deal with when you dont know what your supposed to be up against... not that its a competition, but sometimes it feels like it , right?

 

Yes, retro! It EXACTLY feels like competition, although it isn't.. I haven't even met the girl yet, but I've been imagining all sorts of things about her.. like oh I see she's skinny, skinnier than me, better looking, oh she's half Italian, Italians are hot, she has great taste in music, that's what turns Nick on the most, she has no trouble making new friends of the opposite sex, what does that mean? etc, etc. haha... but I'm glad you understand, feeling not alone in this kind of situation does help a lot.

 

Alright, I finally met HER. I was waiting for Nick outside of his French class with my friend Kim, having a cig, when they both showed up. She was there, short, skinny, with short brown hair and brown eyes, a cheek ring, tight jeans tucked into black leather boots and a back top with a red cardigan. Very cute.. but a pretty big nose. Nick introduced us.. I went and shook her hand.. she's very reserved, talks with a small cute voice, we talked a bit about French and then about music, she seemed happy to tell me that she loved all this French stuff and obscure Canterbury bands. I thought she was very nice, not at all like she was trying to "steal" Nick from me or anything like that, even though she looked at him with this look... this look I can't describe, when she talked to him. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe she looks at everybody that way but I just didn't care about the way she looked at Kim or myself...

Nick still wants us to become friends. He thinks it could be such a great friendship.. but as I said earlier, let's say we do become friends, or kinda friends. Isn't she always gonna feel closer with Nick, since she met him first, and already hung out with him in his house and borrowed all those records and cds, and they were in the same car together (she gave him a ride back home), and they're sitting next to each other in French class. I still feel kinda weird about that. I feel like it's totally gonna get in the way of a possible friendship.. because I don't like the fact that Nick and her could be better friends. I told Nick I wanted him to stay distant... what do you think?

 

I think babe, that the best you can do is tell him how it makes him feel, but I think telling him what he should do about it is a mistake, because in the end, the one who's gonna feel bad about it, is you

I'm glad you met her,
I hope it took all the mystery away... still, sometimes it just lingers on, despite your brain.
Like I said, let him know it makes you uncomfortable, and if he cares what you think, he should do something about it... but only he can decide what.

God I should take my own advice!