about a month ago i hooked up with a friend (i didnt know him that well)that i've known for almost three years. we are very different, but were both looking for someone that would treat us good and to just be there. then i went away for a week, to my "hometown". while there i decided to move back and rent a room from some friends because things arent working where i am right now. so i made plans to move down in a month or so (that date is six days from today). then a few weeks later, i took my new boyfriend down there for a visit, during which i realized just how different we really are. i realized that he deserves better than me, because i lost a lot of respect for him just because he does things i don't like, like smoking, eating meat, and much more. when we got back to the town i'm in now (redding), i told him how i think that maybe us being together isnt such a good idea because we are so different. he took it very well and ended up comforting me. right now we are in a transition phase of couple to friends. i move in a week, and i'm having doubts that i shouldnt have broke up with him. to complicate things, once i move back to chico i will be around a guy i have had feelings for for a while and if the opprtunity presented itself...i dont know if i could be trusted to be loyal if i did get back with this latest guy. and yet last night i was sobbing because i miss him and think i may have made a mistake. my tentative plan is to move to chico and see how i feel after a week or two of being in that environment. any advice?
hmm, i'm not sure if smoking and eating meat are necessarily the best reasons for a break up. if you've actually got chemistry with the guy, maybe you should give it another shot.
on another note, though, if you are moving away and closer to another love interest, being single right now may be a good thing. That will give you time to see what you really want. Stay good friends with him, and you never know, but as for now if you are not sure, most likely you need to go within and nurture yourself right now. Take care of you -- the guys can wait.
thanx rainwater. and spasticsofa, maybe not to you, but for me its a way of life...living with concern for your body and your planet. i saw how my friends looked at him as he popped open a soda, and knew that if it was anybody but him,i would be giving a a soda drinker that look too. maybe to you it doesnt seem important, but for me it is. but rainwater, i really appreciate what you are saying. it helps put things in perspective.
it doesnt matter what others think...stick to your values. If someone does something you dont like (even if it seems to others to be trivial like drinking caffeine) stick by your beliefs. It may seem small but compromising on the little things can lead to compromising on the big ones. What matters is what you believe to be important.
its really nice to get support form someone like you. i have had more people tell me that being a vegetarian is no reason to be or not be with someone. but "not a vegetarian' is synonymous with "consumes the cut and prepared flesh of animal corpses" hope that wasnt offensively gruesome. some people even caring so much about it is immature, but thats how i feel. and also, if i am with someone who has habits i dont like, i dont want to make them miserable by constantly nagging at them, or memiserable because i have a guilty conscience for not saying something. you know?
you're right that he's better off if you would constantly give him crap about it. if you can't understand why an omnivore would eat both animal and plant life to the point that you would always be nagging, then yea, finding another non-meat eater would be good.
sounds like it's more than just your own values, but a group mentality that you're trying to fit in with. I'd be pretty unhappy if a group of people were so bold as to give me a dirty look for drinking a soda.
ok at first what you said made me mad, then sad. its not about the group mentality. its about the fact that if i wasnt with him i would be giving him shit,but cant/dont want to because when you are with someone you cant constantly be critiscizing them. and not that i should have to explain this, but i didnt say or mean a dirty look. i mean surprised. im just not used to being around people who have habits that arent more health oriented, and neither are any of my friends.
I wasn't trying to make you mad or sad, but the way it was written just seemed really pretentious and I felt bad for the dude. My gf sometime gives me weird looks when I eat something that doesn't fit with her model of "healthy" and that bugs the hell out of me. I'm in good shape and I don't need to lose any weight, and if that's your boy's case as well, I don't see why it matters. I couldn't survive on just tofu and broccoli, just as you can't survive on chicken stir fry and beer. I don't dissaprove of my gf ordering a tofu dish, however, and that's where the difference lies.
well i understand your point but for me its about ethics too. and its not just one thing either. like, i really like him, and i dont know if we are going to get back together but either way i love him a lot, but there are just so many things that we are completely different about. at first we kept saying "opposites attract" but then that kind of faded away. its just weird because i like him as a person,he is fun to be around, but in lifestyle and stuff we are complete opposites. and i don't want to be the kind of girlfriend that just tries to change things she doesnt like about her guy, but i also dont want to be a hypocrite by holding my tongue when someone is doing something i object to. anyway,we could go rounds for days, but in the end we're still going to hold the same beliefs (probably). another isssue is that if we werent together and never had been i would be giving him shit for eating meat and going to mcdonalds and stuff, and telling him why i don't do those things as a learning thing. but because we got together it changed...suddenly we were around each other a LOT more and if i pointed out every socially incorrect thing he bought or something it would be annoying. in the end i think that as much as i am tempted to go back and say i dint mean it and i want to get back together, i have to remember that we are just not compatible. i need someone who is a couple planes nearer me, and he needs someone who doesnt care what he does.
If you feel that you're completely incompatible it's good that you've realized now rather than further down the road when you have a lot more emotions and time invested. Sometimes you just can't overcome fundamental differences, regardless of how much love is involved. have you considered that maybe his actions aren't wrong or in need of adjustment? I'm sure you've got plenty of "flaws" yourself. Just because you don't agree on issues doesn't make it wrong for him to drink a soda.
first of all, there really are a lot of emotions invested already because we connected in some ways really deeply. and also we were "friends first" which changed things. and i guess its not that im trying to pass judgement so much as that it just bothers me. for me it is wrong. when i drink a soda or smoke a cigarette or eat a dairy product, i am breaking one of my own rules. i feel bad and know i have done something wrong. to have a moral code that is that strong its hard not to be bothered when people close to you break it as well. and i cant change that without changing who i am. i am never going to look at a person eating an animal or smoking a camel and think "that's okay"or not even notice. thats who i am. it is a good thing that i figured this out now i suppose,but if i hadnt maybe we would have had moretime together. now that i know my thoughts i cant go back. the last two nights i dreamt about him. both dreams were long and about many things but here are the parts abuot him in the first dream i was living in an apartment with a bunch of people. this guy(callhim bob),another guy that i mentioned earlier(call him charlie), a third guy i didnt know(ryan), and a girl(christy. in the dream i was lying in bed watching tv with "charlie" and he started kissing me and we were making out and fooling around. i was surprised because things have been not like that beteen us, but really happy. later that day, bob and i ended up doing the same thing, and then he said to me " don't you think its not okay that you are fooling around with all the people around you? who's next, ryan? are you gonna try to be with all three of us?" in the other dream , i told "bob" i wanted to get back together and we were just going different places telling people we were back together and hanging out. i remember a feeling of extreme happiness tinged with the beginnnings of unease
