My rant about having heart disease at 20 years old

I'll make this bitching session brief.

I'm almost 20 and I've had "heart disease" since I was about 17. "What kind of heart disease?" you may ask. Good question, I don't know either. Niether do the doctors. After two years of testing, prodding, stripping, pissing in cups and giving X amount of blood, I have to do it all over again!

Two months ago I was cleared by my long-time doctor. My heart was fine. Now, two months later and 600 miles away from home (permanently), my heart is worse than it ever previously was. Doctors are talking about a pacemaker, catheterization, etc. I wouldn't be so stressed about it if I actually had someone here with me (not that I need to be babied, but come on... heart surgery?).

I can't get to the doctors until next wednesday, and even then that's just a physician who then has to refer me to a cardiologist, which will likely take another week or two. I've got absolutely no appetite and I'm losing weight at an unhealthy rate. My chest is constricting my ability to breathe for short periods of time. I'm nauseated all the time and sleeping more than I should be. Who the fuck has heart disease at 20 years old?

Okay, end of rant.

 

Woah immortal, that must be a hell of a thing to cope with. And so far from home?:O

I identify with this story because about a year ago i went deaf in one ear. Scared the hell out of me. I went to doctors, hospitals, had "probes", lights, cotton buds, fingers in my ear, but they just couldnt seem to find what was wrong with me. It was scary as hell to start with adjustin to it, gettin used to relyin on my vision more when i walked across roads, learnin to follow gestures more in conversation. And it crushed me emotionally, because since i was about 11 years old ive wanted to have a career as a linguist. Anyway, now my ear is better, but still not perfect. At the moment im still at home and so have friends and family, but next year ill be livin in France...so yeah, ill be copin with this kind of crap alone.

But really i wanted to tell you because, the reason im goin to France is to study languages and to train to become a linguist, like i always wanted to. So although what you haves probably more serious and a lot more worryin for you, and although medical care sometimes seems crap and useless, you can get through these things, and you will. You have your whole life ahead of you I really hope they manage to diagnose you soon...if they do things will get MUCH easier from there. But anyway i find it amazin how youre copin with this, and strength like that ALONE has incredible amounts of healing power. Hope things get better from here onwards and never forget that no matter whats happenin now, your life is only just beginning.

Love-Maxi.Xx

 

Ahh, that was unbelievably sweet. Thanks for your support.


It's good to hear about other people's stories too. It reminds us not to throw ourselves pity parties, even though those are comforting sometimes. And really, in some ways, your story is more significant than mine because you really had to adapt to the way your body changed. I can generally live a normal life, just with a lot less physical activity than a normal person. So for that, I'm impressed with you, and furthermore to study linguistics abroad is quite amazing. I wish you luck.

I'm just lucky I have someone I can lament to, and he's always understanding and sympathetic. You don't get that every day. Unfortunately he's further than 600 miles away, haha. Figures.

 

Wow Immortal, heart disease at 20? Wow...

I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this, especially alone. I can't even fathom having to go through a thing like this.

I do, however, know how hard it is to be having to go through a really rough time in your life, and feeling like you're alone. I'm like that, right now, and it isn't easy. I have my family and friends, but I still sometimes feel like I've got all this shit to face, by myself. And it's hard, it's really hard.

I know you'll pull through, and that everything will be fine, though. I'll pray for your safe and full recovery, and keep you in my thoughts. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

Peace and Love.

 

Thanks for the positivity and offered shoulder Inbloom.



I talked to my mom a bit earlier today and if things get bad enough I'm going to move home for a couple of months. I can't get the same kind of care here in the Arcata/Eureka area that I can in Seattle. I've got a lot more resources and specialty doctors at my fingertips in Seattle.

It will be traumatizing for me to have to leave here, after only moving out two months ago... but the medical care is worth it. At least this way, if I end up needing surgery, I'll have friends and family around.

 

After hearing of your ills.....I was going to offer you my heart.

--then i realized you've had it already

cheers

 

This is true, and it helps ease the pain.

 

Oh, those fucking palpatations. I don't get them as frequently as I used to, but yeah, you just start choking out of nowhere. Not the best feeling exactly.

My condition is declining at a pretty rapid rate. Within two weeks I've gone from a regular but rapid heart rate, to an irregular rapid heart rate, to that with chest pain and breathing restrictions and I've also become non-responsive to my medication. What is confusing the doctors so much is that I can't feel any of my symptoms. For example, I can't tell the difference between when my heart is at 90bpm (which is rare) or if it's at 150bpm (more likely). Also, I don't really start to feel winded until my heart rate is up above 220bpm. The list goes on.

I'm lucky to not really be angry about it. I'm more.. uh... irritated by it. I'm sure you understand the prodding and pissing and holster monitors and all that shit you have to go through. It is a huge disruption.

Thanks for your support and blessings Poet! Good luck with your's too. Sometimes I think it's just better to live with it, assuming your heart rate is regular. I've gotten no answers, but I'm determined... and determined to end up paying thousands of dollars in medical bills that I should be saving for school.

 

I wish all I had to do was change my diet, but I fear it won't be that simple. My diet is already based on veggies, I rarely eat meat and don't particularly prefer dairy. I have a physician's appointment tomorrow, so I'll let you know how it goes. If the hospital has any kind of sense, they'll give me an EKG and order bloodwork.

 

It's official... doctors are fucking useless. If you want any tests done (or not done) you have to demand it. Fucking pricks.

 

I hope you're having all the sex thats humanly possible...

 

I have been experiencing similar issues with my heart (at the age of 20). Palpations, skipped beats, speeding up when I inhale, slowing down when I exhale, etc. along with other issues - a vertebrae has been out in my neck for 5 years - and no chiropractor or osteopath has been able to adjust it. Furthermore, I have hard fatty tissue that's formed in my lower back as a result from being punched in the kidney are when I was 10. This stuff can be overwhelming - for sure! I have the upmost empathy for how you feel.

I would recommend NOT getting surgery unless their's a very real necessity for it - I might coming from a different framework, but the best thing to do IMO is be present with what your heart is doing, and when, and how you feel at the time, etc. Their is an organization call HeartMath that has researched the heart and came to the conclusion that the heart has its own intelligence separate from the brain. I would suggest looking into getting a book from them. http://www.heartmathstore.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?item=1064&mtcSRCID=1690

If you want to discuss other healing modalities, let me know - I have always been interested in the healing arts, and through experiencing the process of trying to heal myself I have come across some techniques. The main thing, though, is to be present with it - and in not having expectations, as when the acceptance occurs it creates space for transformation to occur.

 

At 20? It must be some kind of genetic heart disease or something. Think though, your 20, get help to take care of yourself and take care of yourself and you'll get through it, live to be 80+.