So I did it, I'm being a bitch for the sake of my child and his future. I've applied for child support, sole custody, insurance, and back support. Idon't want it all, I don't want any of it. But after an initial conversation about giving up rights where he said no way, now he won't talk about anything with me. He won't answer my calls. He likes to go to sleep and pretend his responsibility will just go away. So hopefully throwing a court date at him will convince him his son is here to stay. I feel rotten, I just want him to go away but he won't volunteer, and he won't accept any responsibility. It sucks. And because he won't make his lack of responsibility into a legal document I have to. If I don't then the minute anything happens to me my son will wind up wrenched away from his family and thrown into life with a physically abusive drug attic or more probably in foster care. All because the courts must defend the rights of the father, even if he does nothing and doesn't see him or help with him for years. Lets just be practical here.
Meanwhile his parents and my parents all think I'm being awful. Let poor Chad have a little longer to really get his stuff together, its only been two years. I'm so mad! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I've seen people say that they don't want to fight, then they get fucked. Sometimes you have to do whats best. Fuck the guy, if he's a deadbeat dad, then he deserves what he gets.
oh god... don't give a crap. While "poor little chad" is getting his life together your struggling your ass off and doing it alone. Whats so right about that? As far as I know impregnating yourself is not possible so if he was adult enough to have sex with you I'm sure hes a big enough boy to feed and clothe his own kid. grrr @ people! I have too since we last discussed this stuff moved forward to give my kids father the chance to sign away his rights or start paying support and back support. I calculated it. All together he at LEAST owes me 24,000 to date in back support. He'll prob just say I could care less and leave them alone which I think is for the best for them in the future. I don't want them to see his total lack of care and love for them. It breaks my heart.
You sound like you're doing the right thing HADLEYCHICK. Don't even think of second guessing yourself. That man needs a major wake-up call. Hugs...
Thanks Guys, I've seen people say that they don't want to fight, then they get fucked. Sometimes you have to do whats best. Fuck the guy, if he's a deadbeat dad, then he deserves what he gets. __________________ Me too, I was going to go the no fighting route but then I realized that it wasn't me I wasn't standing up for, it was my son. I'm not that much of a wus. Now all the relatives, including my own are accusing me of being heartless. I am so amazed at the legal system. I didn't know before I got involved in this that they are so protective of father's rights. I think every Dad who wants to make the effort deserves the chance to try. But I am shocked that in order to have someone's parental rights removed is so difficult even when they have not been around or given any support for years. If I had left my some with some random person and taken off for two years how long would it take to have me declared an unfit parent? Ten minutes and I would be on the 6 O' Clock news and headed to jail. But because he left the child with me and I am a biological relative now I have to honor his rights? And, in order to get someone declared unfit or absentee you are forced by the legal system to take them to court three or four times. Its so odd. If he doesn't want to be a dad I don't want to force him to. It is worse for kids to be forced to endure parents who don't want to be there than to have the "stigma" of being transfered to a non-biological Dad who really enjoys the responsibility. And I know how you feel, Earthymama, its so hard to watch someone who doesn't care come and go freely. After watching your wonderful babies grow up and witnessing those great moments it is amazing that ANYONE could pretend they didn't exist. Feeling better, thanks for letting me rant, Had
Here where I am currently living, fathers seem to be unimportant. In Nebraska, the state usually always is in favor of the mother. Not to change subjects or anything, but why is it that no one cares about fathers. Not the deadbeat assholes who don't want to take care of the lives they produce, but the honest to god, through thick and thin, trying to give the children the best life possible fathers. Anytime any company calls, or anything like that, it's always "we need to speak to the mother. The thing that really pisses me off, is after the accident, Skye was born by emergency c-section, blah blah we all know the story (I think). Skye spent a week in the nicu, while my wife was in intensive care. Skye was off all of his monitors, eating normally ect. and they told me he was ready to go home, they informed me that they were just waiting for mom to be released. They were feeding him by bottle and formula 95% off the time he was in there anyway, but they didn't want to release him to me. I guess that because I am a male, I am incapable of caring for my child. I get the same treatment in a lot of places, I admit I don't know much about babies, but I am a quick learner. I just want people to realize that the fathers who want to be there, shouldn't be treated like they aren't needed. Really, how many of you single mothers would like to have a good man around to help raise the children?
So a lawyer just told me: Yes, you can write a will advising for someone you aren't married to to take over guardianship. If you were never married to the biological father he doesn't have to be informed of your death and change in guardianship. And- you can file for adoption even if you are not currently married to the "real Dad". It is better to file for adoption than for child support because if the father pays even sporadically the courts are less likely to grant the adoption later. This is just confusing. Grrr H
File for adoption. My mother did that when I was three. And here is how she worded it to the court (sort of). "From the time I was pregnant, the father of my child was not around. He did not support me through thie pregnancy, or after Holly was born. The state provided support, through WIC, food stamps, HUD, and medicaid. The man I am married to now came into the picture shortly after my daughter turned 6 months. In living with him, I have been able to afford better the care of my daughter without government aid. Still, her biological father is nowhere in the picture. To be perfectly logical, what sense would it make to leave this little girl with a father that doesn't care to even visit her, let alone support her while the state is left to pick up his baggage? It makes more sense for you to have this case out of your hair completely by letting this loving and caring man continue to care for what has quickly become HIS little girl." And as far as I remember, the adoption went through with not a fuss. Just BE logical, don't be intimidated by degrees or personality. YOU know what is best for YOUR child, not some judge. Let them know that his father HASNT been there. Have some witnesses ready that can testify to the fact that his bio. father has not been around, even if he visited once in a blue moon, it was never consistent. And consistency is what a child needs most. Try to work with the judge, rather than against him, but stand up for your son. Someone has to, because it seems like everyone else is fighting for your ex.
I've said it before but I'll say it again. If you are not married to the father, get an order of custody. If you don't have this the father can walk in, take the child and leave at any time and you can't say no. If you have an order of custody it protects you and your child. Even if your relaitonship is good right now, it might not always be. You must protect your child. You are not being abusive to this jerk. The time for him to grow up was before the baby was born, not years later. Take care of your baby and protect his legal rights. And why do the courts and other people care so little about the rights of the father. Because so few fathers care. I have worked at my job for almost seven years now. During that time I have had exactly three fathers who came to visit their children. One father was there every week the whole time his kids were in our program with their mother. One father came every week until he found a new girlfriend then the visits stopped. And the last father came two times to visit and then got himself sent to prison. I've probably had over 200 kids in my program in these 7 years. Only one father who never missed a visit. I have a new father who came last night to visit his 8 day old son. He left with tears flowing when the visit ended. I think he'll be the next one who never misses a visit but it's too early to tell. Kathi Kathi
It's just hard for me to imagine not caring about your child, I just look at my son and all my worry float away. Every thing I do now, I try harder at, with hopes that I will be able to teach him and he will be better than me. Those deadbeat assholes ruin it for us real fathers. It pisses me off.
But, HippyLandscaper, it makes you good dads all the more special....Because you are so rare in this day and age, those of us that are lucky to have you guys thank our lucky stars....And you become dads to not just your own children, but their friends that aren't as lucky to have fathers around...
I suppose your right, it's just sad to think of those children not recieving all the love that they could have.
they do receive all the love that they could have, from all the wonderful people that are a part of their lives...no point wishing for something that isn't rather it is better to look at what they do have I think!
shit, my dad didn't care at all. though he did kinda want my brother because he was the all star popular boy and made my dad look good. but when i was getting married i had to do a search for my family online, and managed to find an uncle i forgot i had who directed me to my grandpa, who managed to direct me to my father. the last time i saw my father, my stepfather had inconveniently dropped me off in san diego for a visit with good ol' daddy. inconvenient because he considered it a break from his wife and a perfectly good chance to pick up a chick at a bar and fuck her. so we all went out to dinner, and i spent hours with this woman picking at me, trying to find some way to put me down while my father just went along. good times. and you know, this deadbeat dad story is repeated again and again throughout 90% of my friends. sorry the good guys have to rate against the assholes, but they are unfortunately making you look bad.
wow,I can sure relate!I am going through a similar situation,and I will be assigning guardianship,to make sure my daughter is not left with a father who has only been involved with her when it's convenient.I have managed to keep a roof over her head,and I have struggled to make her life a good one.Some parents just justify it however they can,and what about the children?I have been diagnosed with a fatal condition,and am doing all I can to insure her safety in the event that something happens to me sooner rather than later....I am not real well off financially,and I called legal aid,who I thought would take care of any legal fee,but apparently that is a thing of the past.But,I found out that one can get a fee waiver from the court to waive any fee if you can not afford it.Also,in my state,abandoment is when 2 years go by without any contact.I don't know what the laws are in you're state,but I have found out alot at this site: findlaw.com.I think you can just enter the state and county and access all sorts of info.And as for any "family members" that think they can stand in judgement of you for what you are doing they have a cranial-rectal insertion problem,so don't even give it any energy.You are doing what you have to do to ensure you're child gets what he/she needs.You should'nt have to,he should step up to the plate and be a MAN.Good Luck and Godspeed,audreyanne
