Is this cheating?

I had been with a guy for about 4 months. We were having sex...we spent tons of time together. However, I guess the words "We're exclusive" didn't come from his mouth. So I guess technically on paper we weren't exclusive.


However, he invited me to this huge bonfire party he and his brother have on their property. At the bonfire, he walked away with a girl to hook up...and this was in front of me. Even if it wasn't cheating, it still was a pretty crappy thing to do, no? And showed very little respect for me, right? It may not have been cheating, but it is kind of a low thing to do, right? Cause it made me damn mad.

An UPDATE 7/17/06 : But it wasn't over! I convinced myself that he changed and picked up with him again that November 2005 until we broke up AGAIN just this past June. How is it that we can be smart, confident people and find ourselves acting so stupid, being with someone that we love 98%, but somewhere we know that the 2% doubt is significant enough to come back and bite us in the a#$, tear out our heart, and kick us out the door?

I bring this thread to light again to ask: Why do we do it? I guess the answer, for me, is physical attraction. No matter how much I knew we didn't have a strong relationship, I have never been so physically compatible and turned on before.

 

Yes.

Dump him.

 

i don't call that cheating

i call it cheatin'

 

i don't think you have to explicitly say, "we're exclusive," for you guys to be exclusive. it's always good to communicate and be open, don't get me wrong. but if he's been doing things that strongly imply that you're exclusive, such as saying something like, "i really don't feel like i need to see anyone else," then whether or not it's technically cheating gets ambiguous. if he were to do things that make you think you're exclusive, sort of to trick you into thinking you were to make you happy and cover his butt, then that's not right.

reguardless, what he did was not nice, and i would have been hurt if i were in your situation, too.

 

It is a good idea to planely discuss boundries with your partner before the situation arrises, and I don't see why this conversation didn't come up in 4 months with sex having and everything.

Yeah, it sounds like this guy crossed the line. He could have done much worse, though. His actions show incredible insensitivity. But he wasn't sneaking around. He was doing it right in front of you. Did he think that you weren't going to mind? This shows that you two were not on the same page. But he was obtuse, not dishonest. So there was still a chance.

At the time, I would have suggested going up to him and telling him how it made you feel.

 

You should fuck his brother!

 

I agree!

 

If he invited you he should have stayed with you.

 

I agree with this...

AND I agree with this.

 

or fuck his bestfriend

 

I can't say it was cheating but it was low. I hoped u told him off b/c I would of punched him. It's one thing to be brainless another to be cruel.

 

I agree with what everyone has said. An ex did this to me just basically because I'm young and stupid. We had started to get together and I assumed we were exclusive until he took me to a keg party and hooked up with his best friends girlfriend. When I confronted him about it he said that we had never talked about it just being us. I guess it's all about semantics.

No matter what your guy should have protected your feelings, hooking up with a girl at a party is bad enough but he shouldn't have done it infront of you.

 

Sounds like you're letting him have all the control, and he's taking full advantage of that.
You need to stop this, he obviously doesn't have much respect for your feelings.....you're being used for sex. Been there, done that. Giving a guy sex won't make them have a relationship with you, open or otherwise.

 

I would think it was cheating. Sure, you didn't have a specific conversation about it, but if I were you I would have thought that if you'd been dating for months and you were having sex, then he at least could've said to you, "you know, I'm still seeing other girls, do you think we should start only seeing each other?" If I were in a relationship like that I wouldn't still be sleeping with other people, sleeping together and being with each other for 4 months........its pretty random that he didn't try to make things clear and let you know what was going on.

 

Even better both of them at the same time at the next ass hole Bon Fire!
Oh but that's right this was YEARS AGO?

 

It's been interesting reading your responses.

What ended up happening was when I confronted him about it...

well first of all he was wasted and missing for most of the night, but when I did run into him in the kitchen, with a few guy friends, and asked him to please come outside with me cause I needed to talk to him, he refused. I couldn't push it because I didn't want to look like a pushy girlfriend or something. so I go to just leave the kitchen..heartbroken and ashamed, and his friend Charlie who likes me says IN FRONT of my ex "Can I sleep in your tent?" and my ex says "Sure, Molly would love that."


I wanted to punch his face in. So I left the house, got in my tent and fell asleep. When he came in to go to bed and was lookin for love, I gave him the cold shoulder and didn't want to talk then (it was like 4:30 AM or something by that point.)


When I did confront him, he said he did nothing wrong, and that I was overreacting. He said AND I QUOTE "You can't blame a guy for trying out a piece of the competition."


I don't miss those times at all. I was so incredibly unhappy with him. I feel blessed that it's OOOOOOOOver.



I like the suggestion about f&cking his brother. Damn, why didn't I think of that?

 

Edit

 

If it is not considered cheating, it is a cruel act, that only hurts you. But in my opinion, in any sexual relationship, the words "we are exclusive" shouldnt HAVE to be mentioned, they should be reality.

 

wow thats dirty. I bet he's all like "oh but I didnt say we were a ting, so TECHNICALLY were not" thats bs
four months is a fair whack of time to share with someone for them to just suddenly decide youre not a thing.

but at least now you know that youre not. What a dog, kick his ass to the kerb

 

i've done worse things.