i miss my family really bad right now

and am geneally feeling like ive fucked up what could've been a promising life.

and let my mom down

and ruined my family relations

the unsaid is thick. i used to hate the unsaid.

feelin pretty damn lonely, too.

i hate hangovers.

 

Keep your head up, brother. You're only 29 years old. You've still got time to turn it around. My sister just graduated from college at the age of 34 after pissing away her teens and twenties. I hope things get better for you, man!

 

family is fucked, at least the ones we're born with-once you crawl outa the womb and learn to wipe your own ass, thier usefullness is pretty much done-get out and make a new family from true friends-those are the ones that'll stick with you till death do you part...

 

Ugh.. I fucked up my family life about 5 months ago.. I finally called my dad last night and I'm going to his house this weekend for a few days. As much as what the other guys have said was right... You should try to reconcile if that's possible with your situation.

 

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. You can turn your life around. No sense hashing the past or drowning yourself in guilt, put that behind you and move on. It will only bring you down to beat yourself up over it, trust me. All you can do is create a better future for yourself. And I believe that you can do that because you obviously regret some things that have happened in your life and want to change.

Best of luck, hang in there, and believe in yourself.

 

thanks all. I was just in a hungover depressive state the other day. I'm not like a crackhead in the street or anything . I've always "pursued my dreams" - it just so happened that my dreams were all fucked up and disasterous. right from age 16 i've been doing it. And consequently here i am, in a town i dont like, with a job i dont like, with no licence, with no girlfriend, with a criminal record, trailing badly in the rat race and unable to stop running. but i dont dwell too hard on that shit anymore (yeah right), mostly i just trudge forward, pay the bills, and try to think about the future. Until I drink, and end up crippled in bed the next day, dwelling on old memories.

and the family relations... fortunately my parents still speak to me (god knows why), its everyone else, cousins, aunts, uncles, i cant talk to em any more. which sucks, because im an only child, and they were all i had for brothers and sisters...

school sounds like a good idea right now. Its so easy to be a student - you dont ever have to question your purpose. You just get up in the morning and off to class you go. But i'd have to wait till next september to get in.. so in the meantime.. i'll just whine and complain on the internet like a lil' bitch. maybe take a night class this winter.

hope your trip to your dads' works out, moonjavaseed.
and thanks HCM, that was a nice post, and you too joe 65, and fuck even bennyh, you're right , my friends are keepin me going right now. ok i'm outta here.

 

Being hungover is always a million times worse than the worst stomach ache you could get from eating some strange food while you're high. I always get all depressed and winsome when I'm hungover too. I'm not sure if winsome is the right word...I just wanted to use it. I tend to use words I like that I don't always know the meaning to..it gets me in trouble.

Ah yes...being an only child is a special thing. I'm an only child. I too am extremely close to my parents. Mom and I have even smoked together. That sure was...interesting.

Even the people who look like they have it on track can feel panicked and worried if life is going the way they want it to. Hell, I'm in grad school with so many loans I can't even think about it, and some days I lay in my bed in a cold sweat thinking about my life and whether I've chosen the right path or not.

This might be lame, but it inspires me. I quote it too frequently: "We have to become the change we wish to see in the world." - Gandhi That's what I do. I imagine my life stripped of material possessions, where I live, who I love, and I try to picture what is left that I care about: what is that one concern left in the world that gets me fired up and that I want to change. And then I head toward fixing that problem I see in the world...or supporting that good strong thing in the world.

Does this make sense?