beauty

Beauty


super models
so tall and so thin
so superficial
with airbrushed skin
personality's out
plastic surgery's in
they call it beauty
but i call it a sin

give me a woman
with her own look and style
with big eyes, funny nose
and a crooked smile
a woman with curves
to get lost in awhile
a girl with some wit
some brains and some guile

because beauty will fade
as the years pass by
but personality stays
and gets better with time
inner beauty is free
it's something you can't buy
we all can be beautiful
just give it a try

 

i'm still not sure if i like this... it was of my attempts to write something not so dark and depressing.

 

I liked it all except for the very last line, it just sounds kind of corny. But overall you do a good job expressing your message and the rhyme doesn't bog down.

 

i'd have to agree... the last line is my least favorite. i think i'll change it when i think of something better. thanks for the comments.

namaste,
doug

 

ok... i changed the ending... let me know if this is any better.



Beauty


super models
so tall and so thin
so superficial
with airbrushed skin
personality's out
plastic surgery's in
they call it beauty
but i call it a sin

give me a woman
with her own look and style
with big eyes, funny nose
and a crooked smile
a woman with curves
to get lost in awhile
a girl with some wit
some brains and some guile

because beauty will fade
as the years pass by
but personality stays
and gets better with time
inner beauty is free
and it's not hard to find
look past her skin
and into her mind

 

I like that much better, good job with this.

 

thanks so much for your advice... i love this site.

 

i like the second version much better. your a great poet.

 

That was quite sweet.

 

i agree with sunfree. it was sweet, and cute, but not something you should ever give to a girlfriend...