secondary infertility

It's their right/want/need as a human being to have more bio children. I don't know many people who were content with having just one child. I don't see it as wrong in the slightest bit to want to do it yourself (albeit with a bit of medical help).

I think that adopting these days is unfortunatley like playing a game of chance. There are so many drug/abuse/neglect issues going on in today's unwanted children. Not to say that those children don't have a right/want/need as humans to be loved and saved and cared for, but at what cost to a family? Is it right to save one person just to have mom, dad, and sis get screwed up because of emotional or behavioral issues in the adopted child?

I don't think it's really a need to pass on genetics, but if I have my own bio child rather then adopting, I am 100% garenteed that my child will not be born a crack baby, my child will not have abuse or neglect issues.

I know quite a few moms who have grown up in the "system" and they are some of the best moms I know. They have an overwhelming need and desire to raise a strong, loving, peaceful home, oppisite of how they grew up.

I hope to adopt in the future, when my own children are older and more stable in their own morals and values. I'd hate to have my small child be influenced by, or become a victim of, a violent adopted child. I could never forgive myself

 

i'd love to adopt someday.

but i understand that biological need though. it can be so powerful!!! the need to breed, lol! i can't explain it though, it's just there, ya know?

any ways, i haven'y experienced fertility issues so far . . . i've got three bio kids so far!

kathy

 

my husband is adopted and has an adopted son. what bother's him about it is the pretty heavy difference in how he wsa treated as opposed to his paret's biological offspring. he's very worried about that.

 

While I think it's a wonderful idea to adopt, I agree how you can have such a strong urge to have a biological child of your own that you will do just about anything to have one. Afterall, it's simply a natural instinct to reproduce, to carry on your genetics. Survival of the fittest is what they say.

All three of my children were naturally conceived, but you should hear how many times I get asked if I had fertility treatments with my twins. Nope, they were natural, a total surprise!

 

Any number of reasons:

In England a LOT of women are seeking IVF cause they've no interest or time in finding a man and therefore want to bypass all the mechanics of becoming pregnant. These are the same women who will schedule a C-section so as to fit the "birth" into their schedule and not conflict with the conference they're doing in Brighton in Q4.

Likewise lesbians. Don't want a man involved. Soon they won't have to. They've managed to cause eggs to divide without being fertilized. (All girls, of course)

Many simply believe that they can wait until their 40s to worry about kids, they can extend adolescence into their 20s, not worry about a serious relationship til 30s, then suddenly they decide in their 40s (the career is established, we have the big house and the Volvo SUV) it's time to have a baby! All I have to do is stop taking the pill and.....

and.....

hey wait.

Hm.

Oh well, the doctor will just give me a shot or something then I'll have a whole mess of babies at once! More efficient that way!

Surprise....

 

In fact, I saw to my extreme amusement and surprise on 60 minutes a bunch of bitter career women accusing feminism of lying to them. "I went out, did what I was supposed to - became CEO, smashed through the glass ceiling, made more than my boyfriends... now at 43 I just wish I'd stayed at home playing mommy. They lied to me and told me I could do this any time. Now I come to find out I should have been doing this in my early 20s instead of working!"

Jesus.

 

I've not heard of this. Care to share a link?

 

Around my neck of the woods, the women are really big into waiting until they are into their 40's, even 50's to start a family. They look at me (27) and my husband (31) parading around with our three young children and give us a look of digust, like there must be something wrong with us for having children so early in life.

I mentioned before in another post that there was a couple nearby who gave birth to a set of quints (IVF) and now they are having absolutely everything paid for, clothing, food, housing, vehicles...now how is that right? When you start dabbling with many of the modern fertility treatments, you are forewarned of the extremely high possibility of multiples. With that in mind, you had better be very financially stable, and ready to take on the challenge of raising a litter of children. But wait, no, those are the ones who get the free ride. Interesting.

 

around my neck of the woods it is the men that tend to be the committment phobic ones...the womens seem much the same as anywhere to me but the guys seem to think that something better is going to come along when they have something real good to start with. I know a lot of girls who have been left high and dry by relationships again and again and of course it isn't always the guys but there does seem to be a disproportionate amount of them who do this...thus girls who find stable relationships when they are older...
my friend wants to have a child and is having difficulty and she is no glass ceiling sorta female...she is just older and got dumped on a lot when she was younger...

 

after being diagnosed infertile a year ago, the urge to have your own children is overwhelming .... i was told that the only way to have my own children is to seek medical assistance and that may not even work... We would love to have our own -- but adopting wouldn't be out of the question either.

 

My daughter is dealing with secondary infertility right now. She is trying really hard to have her husband's child. I think for her it is a means of sealing their relationship. She has two children from a previous relationship. We will find out early next week if she was successful this month. We have talked a lot about adoption, but she just doesn't want to try it.

Money is another reason people have bio kids and not adopt. It costs a lot of money to adopt. We spent more money than I'll make this year when we adopted our son. My daughter is having all of her medical bills paid for by insurance. There is no such thing as adoption insurance. Believe me, if there were, I'd be taking out a policy and adopting a couple more.

Some people do look at an adopted child as not being a full child in the family. My mother-in-law feels this way about our son. Fortunately she tries not to show it. I see it but I don't think my son does. To me, he is my son, not my adopted son. Sometimes I'll say my big kids and my little one. My big kids ae between 25 and 36. My little guy is 3. But they are all my kids. It's never been my five kids and my adopted kid. Just my 6 kids. If anything I treat the little one better than I did the big guys. I know more now, I have more money, I'm a bit more mature. (Okay that's debatable.) I went through so much to have this little guy in my family that I can't help love him so much. Besides, he probably truely is the baby of the family. Since I'm not rich and don't have adoption insurance I don't see another one in the future. We thought about adopting through the state, but our bedroom is 3 inches too small for us to qualify for another kid.

I wanted to raise a child with my husband. My daughter wants her husband's bio child. Either way kids will have good loving families.

Kathi

 

RE: Around my neck of the woods, the women are really big into waiting until they are into their 40's, even 50's to start a family. They look at me (27) and my husband (31) parading around with our three young children and give us a look of digust, like there must be something wrong with us for having children so early in life.

Nuff said. Round Seattle, in the U district you see a lot of rich 40something white women walking around with top-of-the-line strollers holding their Chinese adopted children. They outsource everything, don't they?

RE: I mentioned before in another post that there was a couple nearby who gave birth to a set of quints (IVF) and now they are having absolutely everything paid for, clothing, food, housing, vehicles...now how is that right? When you start dabbling with many of the modern fertility treatments, you are forewarned of the extremely high possibility of multiples. With that in mind, you had better be very financially stable, and ready to take on the challenge of raising a litter of children. But wait, no, those are the ones who get the free ride. Interesting.

Speaking of Chinese, the Onion had a CLASSIC commentary on this: "Chinese woman gives birth to quints: must choose ONE."

 

RE: womens seem much the same as anywhere to me but the guys seem to think that something better is going to come along when they have something real good to start with.

Or, they could get married and just hand over everything they own to the woman. It's called common sense. You skew marraige enough in a woman's favor no man will enter into it.

RE: Adoption

The reason you don't wanna go that route is this - used to be adoption meant you handed over the baby and THAT WAS IT. Now we've got 72 hr waiting periods, wait hang on I've changed my mind, sorry, I know it's been a few months but I want my baby, can I have an open adoption wherein you take care of it and I play with it and when I get my life in order I'll take over?

You bond with a kid then it falls through. Heartbreaking. Then there was that black woman who sold her baby to four different couples....

 

This post bothers me in so many ways. First of all, no one who is adopting a child is doing it to "save" a child. We adopted because we wanted to raise a child. We wanted to be parents.

Just because you adopt does not mean you will have a "crack baby" or a baby exposed to any drugs at all. Drug addicts are not the only people who have their children adopted by others.

Having your own bio child may assure you that your child was not exposed to crack or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. But it really does not guarantee that your child will not suffer abuse at some point in their lives. And the damage from that abuse can and does cost families untold amounts of trama. Being a bio child will not prevent this.

No one can be sure that the child they give birth to will be 100% perfect. Birth defects, abnormalities, mental illness, can happen in any pregnancy. You do not have a guarantee unless you plan to give away a defective child should you have one. Stuff happens and you have to deal with it. Whether you adopt or give birth.

Finally I need to say again, my children are all my own children. Five of them came to me through pregnancy and birth. My little guy came to me through the pregnancy and birth of a wonderful woman in Guatemala who knew she could not give him the kind of home she wanted him to have. She allowed us to adopt him and make him a part of our family. Even though he did not grow in my body, he is still my own child.

Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone.
But nevertheless fully my own.
Never doubt for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Kathi (Mama to six children of my own.)

 

That's more an argument against foster parenting than adoption.

 

I'm sorry that my post bothered you so. It was well thought out from my POV. I never said that everyone who adopts intends to "save" a child, and I should have pointed most of my post to public adoption. There are children who NEED to be saved in the "public" system. If I do adopt later in my life, it will be because I want to show another human being what love and peace is, who may not otherwise be shown that in their childhood.

Well, there's ALOT of abused, negleted and drug addicted babies up for public adoption in my city.

I will be more in control of this if it were my own bio child, that FOR SURE!

And of couse I cannot be absolutly sure that my bio children will be born 100% perfect and flawless, I never worded it that way. I was simply trying to let the OP know a few reasons why one may want to strive for a bio child ratehr then adopting. That was the question. Personally, I see all my reasons as valid factors in wanting to try to get pregnant using AI, IVF etc...

With all that said, I think adoption can be WONDERFUL and peaceful and loving and I really hope to be in that place someday. And I give so much support to my friends who have adopted.

Peace