strange shroom efinity?? lol help!?

heya, this is goin to sound a bit kind of weird and stuff, but i want to see if anyone out there has any ideas as i love the hip forums and all you guys on it, so anyway...
Since i turned 15 i've had this weird thing in me where i felt i was just ment to try phsycadelics, like it was just ment to be in a way (i know it sounds strange), anyway so i was really into weed and did alot of that, and then i got really into shrooms, and had many amazing trips on them, it felt like i was ment to experience them ( i would really apreciate it if anyone else can identify with that need thing), anyway, i went a bit far and ended up having an absaloutly terrible trip a year ago on the 27th of this month (my birthday), because it was terribly planned with setting and stuff... Anyway i took a break from them, thinking i'd start tripping again a few months later, but then this guy i new hung himself and it threw me way off and i new i would not be in a right mind set to do shrooms for a long time as it takes me a long time to heal over things like that, if i ever do.
Anyway, i continued to smoke weed, just less then i used to, until the 18th May - the last day of school.... My friend cooked five of us some space cakes, we took them and they turned out to be intensely strong and i ended up on my last day tripping my face off in the medicle room, hillarious as it was, it started a downward phsycosis spiral.
I developed severe anxiety, depression and depersonilization which stuck by my side for five months, i have made good progress with the anxiety and depression, and i know that the depersonilization will eventually have to stop otherwise i will go mad.. Anyway, over these (thank you so much if you are reading this) past few months i've strayed away from my hippie spirited self, i lost myself, and i'm still trying to gain an understanding as to who i am and understand all the massive questions in life. However the strange inner desire/need kind of destiny like i have to try these shrooms is not yet finished, its as though i have more to discover before i stop them, but with all this bad negative vibe psycosis around, its as though i am trapped from doing them, from futher exploration and so now i am in a complete limbo as to what i am doing with my life. I feel i've left a chapter of my life behind, that i desperately need to revisit, but at what cost to my mental state? I just can't work all this out.
The best thing i can think of at the moment is that i will revisit them in a year or two, when my mind is clear, but i jsut don't understand what this could be, it feels as though if i were to believe in past lives, that i was a hippie in my former life as i feel such an efinity for that era, its just so crazy and frustrating!
thank you for reading my thoughts, any feedback would be HUGELY apreciated!
El
Xx

 

i had a problem like that,one weekend i dissided to try coke i liked it so much i did it again the next day,it ened up triggering a panic attack,my health went down hill extremly badly i was sick 70% of the time,after that i started having panic attacks almost every day,i couldnt smoke weed or do anyother drugs but drink,so i drank once in a while still i was still having problems with panic attacks,so finaly i started getting better and started smoking weed and the panic attacks stoped,but i got realy depressed and shit which made me drink more,i finaly quit drinking and stuck with pot the whole experiance showed me so much i know my limit with drugs also which drugs my personality can handle it forced me to stop coke and speed and showed me what will happen if i kept drinking,im now fine i can smoke weed,saliva,and other drugs,ill never be the same again because my personality and view of life has changed over that time,its all part of life,and im not happy that it happend but i know i walked away better from it

 

thanks for sharing that deadonceagain, i really apreciate it, and even though its bittersweet, i'm glad you were able to walk away from it, and that you experienced a part of life and learnt from it. I think life is all about that, learning and evolving from different experiences. Anyway, all the best, peace!

 

could i be addicted? Even though its been a year since i tried them... If i am, how the hell do i quench my need to do them!?!?!? lol this is all so confusing

 

shrooms arnt addictive and there is no way in fucking hell you would have withdrawl symptoms for a year,maybe a week at most for an addictive drug,i suggest you research shroom and maybe figure out what your problem is on your own cause it sounds like your just going by what the doctors tell you,they said i had depression which i didnt, i didnt have a problem with depression till three months ago and it only lasted like 2 months and it was caused from my drinking,they wanted me on two different medacations i never took anything and im fine

 

i no theyre not addictive at all, but i jsut cant seem to put another word in for the feeling i have, and yea i do did definately (still mildly) have depression lol and i didnt go to see the doctor for a long time and i'm not on medication just taking vitamins and trying to sort what my heads doing it will work its way out, but thanks for replying much apreciated, peace
xxx

 

have you gone to counsling

 

First and foremost, no, do not take 'shrooms (or any other hallucinagen for that matter) until you feel absolutely certain its safe to do so, if ever (sorry). But don't despair, there are other ways to gain understanding of one's self. Your local (or even school) library should have books on meditation, with methods and soforth. I have a strongly held belief that anyone who has taken 'shrooms (even once) can meditate in a way that others cannot. Continue with what you know to be positive for you.

 

I was in a very similar situation.
Had a terrible fuckin' trip,had anxiety attacks,self detachment for months,thought I had gone schitzophrenic,yet still eagerly desired to eat mushrooms,even though I thought doing so would drive me insane.
I decided to stop being afraid,forgive myself for any mistakes Ive ever made,and any ones I will ever make again,to let fear fly out the window,stop judging and worrying so much,to know the strength within me is far greater than any pathetic minimal disturbance,and to eat some goddam shrooms because life is for living and having fun.
Had great trip,life is now awesome.
Just rememeber balance is key with all things,including drugs.
Your not permanently fucked,just temporarily confused,time and trust sorts these things out.

 

I'd say lay off them for a while - time heals all kinds of things.

What you say about a kind of affinity with psychedelics is something I too experienced back in the early 70's when I first tried acid.
Since then, I've been through so many different scenes, changes, experiences - I've had times when I've had no real wish to take a psychedelic for various personal reasons.
I've had 'bad trips' - but really, there are lessons for everyone to learn in life.
My advice would be don't take any mushrooms or lsd etc unless you are feeling confident and generally ok about things.
These days, btw, I might do some mushrooms or acid about once a year or so - no desire at all to do more, and it's been that way for a long time.
Try to understand that I'm not trying to be condescending when I say you're still young, and you have a lifetime ahead of you - Take your time. What belongs to you in life , the things you're meant to do - they won't go away!

ps. there is a kind of psychic affinity or something like that with some people and mushrooms...I know one or two people who've experienced some aspect of this.

 

this sounds more like you have a fascination with something that you *connect* with mushrooms and/or other psychedelics. maybe you saw a picture on the internet of something bright and innocent and magical that had to do with psychedelic drugs and you decided that it was the actual compound psilocybin that you connect with, when really it was just the idea that was associated with that picture. i know thats how i got into psychedelics, but you need to understand that psilocybin and pretty hippie drawings are very different. you say "i was really into weed and did alot of that, and then i got really into shrooms," which personally signifies to me that you don't have the respect that you believe you have for these drugs. I dont say that in an insulting way, but if you'd describe your experience of psychedelic transcendence as being "really into weed and shrooms," then that should have been a red flag from the beginning that you would lose control with it.

i can relate to what you're saying about feeling a connection with mushrooms--that is not quite as unique as you make it sound. most people i know who use mushrooms feel like there's something magical about them: thats why they're referred to as magic mushrooms. however, listening to pink floyd and smoking pot is very different from the kind of exploration of internal space that occurs with psychedelic drugs, and the difference in how dramatically each can effect you, as im sure you now know, is massive.

one sure way to screw up your brain and turn something as beautiful as the psychedelic experience into the cheap novelty of doing something hippie on a saturday night, is to follow your mediocre peers into a lifestyle of reckless drug use and over-estimation of the self. it looks like you've dug yourself into quite a hole with all of this, and i'd say the best thing you can do is learn from it and stop wandering around helplessly waiting to be saved by a "good trip" and be free of all psychological complications. by taking psychedelic drugs, you are adding more psychological complications and spiritual responsiblities than maybe any other experience you could have, and it sounds like you added too many and bit off a piece too big to swallow.

my advice: snap out of it, you should do whatever it takes to heal. meditate, think, practice zen, get in touch with the world around you that you've fallen out of. when you have a grip on yourself, abandon whatever it is that encouraged you to do this to yourself. if your friends abuse drugs regulalry and think you should get back into it then stop hanging out with them. start taking some psycho-spiritual responsiblity for yourself and try to get a piece of that magic that drew you to the drugs and channel it some other way. you obviously cannot handle this kind of thing at this point in your life, and while its your decision--i dont think that after all this psychological garbage that you've ended up dragging along, it would ever be as safe for you to use the drugs again. i dont mean to sound coldhearted or negative, because this could happen to anyone, but i hate to see someone get this messed up with something so potentially great, because of some habits of stupidity. for the record; if i took drugs like my friends did, i'd be nowhere right now, so if you ever get into it again--learn from that lesson and dont compromise your spirituallity for a cheap social tradition.

peace

PS. read the tao teh ching

 

Elli, I feel the same affinity for shrooms as you say you do.
I don't want to say a whole lot here. Elli, BlueShoe shows wisdom far beyond his years by the things he has written. I've no clue how he got there, but I feel he's gone through some very steep learning curves with courage and clarity. Basically, I endorse everything he says until he gets to the quoted part above this.
I went through a massive upheaval of.. everything.. a couple years back when I followed my thirst for shrooms, pot and abuse. I was really tied up in anxiety, sexual complexes, I'd abuse myself mentally, physically... basically I manifested/ was drawn to people who abused me in every way that they could get away with.
I have no way to convey to you what I went through. The most I can say is I lived in adrenally-pumped, deep, dark fear for months and months. I developed conspiracy theories. Every day I rooted that fear more deeply. I was mildly schitzophrenic.
Somehow I got out of there. I can't explain how without telling the whole story. I started taking anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs, which numbed me and froze my emotions basically, and, thank goodness, I smoked pot again for the first time in months, remembered how to cry, and made the intention to heal.
That was a terribly-written synopsis of the catalyst of the journey I'm on now.
I've healed a lot. Not all the way. I still have lots of psychological shit running around my head. Healing involved learning about Byron Katie Work, Buddhism, meditation, Taoism, dance (improv that is) and the concept/idea/feeling of healing itself. Basically I'm learning how my Self works. I'm finding inner peace. Learning what that is.

I suggest that although surrendering to your affinity may do you incalculatable damage, maybe that is just what you should do. If I hadn't damaged myself in the ways that I did (my lungs, I'm sure, have a great 'tan' now, I still have damage from when I was raped two years ago, and I hurt myself in emotional and psychological ways that I... ugh there aren't words), I would still be settling for the mediocre world I was in before then. I am now responsible for my reality. That's power. That's grace.
Anyone can heal. You are doing and feeling just what you are supposed to be doing/feeling right now.

If I've learned anything from my experience, it is that 'Love makes all the difference.' It feels to me that love is the cohesion of the semiverse; it is that which makes it universe. It permeates everything. Tune into love, and nothing is bad or wrong. Might I suggest that you do whatever you do with love... i.e. shrooms

 

Not everyone is made for shrooms. I mean mentaly. just lay off them. It just dont do them more than 4 times a month.