I am an awful person...

Wow, I need some advice or someone to yell at me or something. I have been attracted to women since as long as I can remember, but i have for the most part been in straight relationships. I have cheated on my ex boyfriends with women but never saw myself as a lesbian. I got into a serious realtionship with a women in 2001 and was with her until 2003 when I left her for my now husband. Me and this girl have remained friends and she even stayed weeks at at time with us with some of the women that she has dated. My husband left for Iraq 8 months ago...last night I cheated on him with my ex girl. I am such an awful person...I was so happy with this girl when we were together but I couldn't handle the stress of being a lesbian in a small town. Now look what I have done, I feel like I am going to hell, and that I am just a bad person...why does this have to be so hard. Why do I have such a hard time admitting that I like women, why did I have to get married...now I am going to have to tell him and that is going to devestate him....plus we have a two year old....please someone yell at me, talk to me...this is the only way I could think to get this out...please let me know honestly what you think...

 

Just be honest with him and who knows, maybe he'll dig the fact that your bi. And if he does dig it, then Im sure he'll be happy its with a woman he knows and not some other guy. Just be real.

Oh, and by the way, what the hell is there to do in the U.P.? Ive been here since May and Im bored as hell!!! LOL, take care.

 

i am pretty young but i have had an experience like that where i tried to be straight but it just was not working...i think you should be honest with yourself and with him...hopefully he'll understand and be open minded...but i think you have to be clear as to whether you still want to be with him or not...i think keeping yourself in a place that you don't want to be will end up worse for both of you and your kid. just handle the whole situation with gentleness and understanding...it may take him a bit to comprehend...but if you love him you must let him know...it could work...you can have some type of open marriage where you let women in...he may dig that. i don't know...but good luck.

 

if you were sorry you wouldn't have done it. now you've potentially fucked someones life up because you wanted ass.

mark.

 

The stress of being a lesbian in a small town is why it is so difficult for you to admit that you like women and why you believe that you had to get married.

Telling your husband is bound to be tough. I don't know what things are like between the two of you, and you're the only one who can really answer that.

All sorts of possibilities exist about what could happen. What you have to think about is whether any of them are worse than what is happening now.

Was this just a one-night stand with this woman that will never lead to anything more? Do you want a relationship with her, or at least with some woman somewhere? What does this woman want? If you had to choose between this woman and your husband, what would you do?

I know at least one couple living in a small town that has an open marriage, but they spend most of their time in a nearby larger city. Is there much of a lesbian/gay community near you? Are there groups in your area, friends who can provide support?

What does your husband know of your preferences or your sexual history? It's got to be tough to come back from Iraq and deal with this situation. Whatever else you do, you've got to be very delicate in how you handle this thing. It doesn't make you a bad person, but I would suggest that you not do anything rash.

 

Thanks everyone for the comments. I have told him what happened, he is not taking it to well...which is expected. I have started going to therapy to try to figure out myself...its going good. I am still confused about what I want...if I was not married I would never date men again. But I did get married and part of me feels that I need to try to make this work and push out all feelings of being bi. He will never except that part of me...he would never allow me to bring another girl home...which is okay...because I would probably ignore him and focus on the girl way to much. And he would never allow me to see girls on the side which is okay too...I am not into that whole open relationship kinda thing. He is not going to be home for a long time which makes it hard to focus on healing my relationship...especially when every time I see this certain girl my heart melts...so I try to avoid her at all costs...for the person that said that all I wanted was a piece of ass...that is so not true...it wasn't even about the sex...me and this girl were together for 2 years and i left her due to being scared to be OUT in such a small town and I was just coming out to myself at the time too....so yes I did sleep with her but it was more of an emotional high...it was crazy emotional. So thanks again...I am just trying to understand myself.

 

Oh, and by the way, what the hell is there to do in the U.P.? Ive been here since May and Im bored as hell!!! LOL, take care. [/QUOTE]
There is not much to do here...are you in college? The UP is just one big trail from bar to bar...lol
It seems like the only thing to do here is party and go to college...before I had my daughter thats all I did. There is no good shopping here...nothing...blah...lol