Ok so I have this friend and we have been really close for about 7 years. All our mutual friends assume that we have been having a casual sexual relationship for most of this time (we haven't) and so its difficult to talk to them about this cos they think I am just messing with them! Anyway the point is, about 18 months ago we had a falling out, and didn't talk to each other for a long time - drugs were a major factor in this lack of communication. So about a month or so ago he comes to see me and clear the air, and it was great to talk to he again, see that he was clean and making a geniune effort to clean himself up etc, and we started talking again and it seemed like nothing had ever happened. Then about a week ago he moved to another town to "get away from temptation" which was realy good, and even though I knew I would mis him I was realy happy that he had made the decision to do this for himself. So he has been gone about a week now and all of the sudden he is ringing me telling me he wants to come back because he misses me and that he always wished that we had been more than friends etc, and then today he tells me that he is going to buy me a plane ticket to come and see him for the weekend. So do you think he is only doing this cos he is in a new town, lonely and hasn't had sex for a while (he is pretty used to having regular sex), or does he actually mean what he is saying?? In which case I guess I have to figure out how I feel about it, and him!! Anyway your thoughts would be appreciated!
Well nobody can say for sure, but the way you described it, it sounds like he's probably more toward the genuine side of things.
HI..sounds like what you are going through is tough; believe me, i know; i'm in a similar situation right now...but back to you. Give him time. Maybe he's just confused and doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he's scared of his new surroundings. Either way, it sounds like he truly cares about you. Just give it time. And best of luck to you.
Hmm... If I were you I would just take things very very slowly. If he is just now coming out of a drug problem, he might be using you as a crutch. I'm sorry to say it, but it is a possibility. You are comfortable to him, he knows you and you know him so you don't have to impress each other like one would do when they try to meet new people. The reason I would take it slow is because it might not be healthy for him to be in a romantic relationship right now, if he is in a program, I'd talk to the leader about it. Also, he might not know what he wants, and you could end up getting hurt. Or you might not want to be with him and he could take it hard and it might cause a relapse (which is why he probably shouldn't be in a relationship now). If I were you, I would continue being his friend. I would let him know that you care about him greatly, but I would be very careful about the relationship part. And if the town that you live in that he moved away from is the one causing him temptation, unless you are willing to move to where he is, it is a bad idea for him to come back because he misses you. I wish you both well. Take care.
Thanks for your advice guys. I have pretty much told him that its better that we just keep things as they are for the moment, and he seemed to take it a little hard, but accepted it. I used the excuse that we live to far apart and he needs to give this new town a few more months before he decides he wants to come home. I recently had some pretty serious health issues to, so maybe that is why he decided he needed to say something about our relationship. I guess time will tell what happens here, but at the moment I know that I don't love him in a romantic way, but would just die if we were to lose touch again - it was bad enough the last time it happened!
