here's the deal; I met this guy on here, we started talking on AIM, talked for like 4 months, he was really sweet, but I wasn't looking for anything, wanted nothing to do with relationships, and I was fairly happy with that. So anyway, he drives out to where I am to take me to a rainbow gathering over memorial day weekend, and we really hit off, immediatly attracted to eachother, and everything was wonderfull. We ended up staying at the gathering 2 extra days, and then he came back and stayed with me and my folks for 5 days after we got back, everything was perfect. Then, he goes back to arizona, and we says he'll be back in 3 weeks and we'll go to the rainbow national gathering together. And for the first week, everything is fine. But then, I start getting back to my life, getting ready to go to nationals and all that, and things started changing. He was calling alot, and I mean ALOT, and telling me that I'm the only good thing in his life, and I started not being able to deal with it. I mean, I love him, but I don't think a relationship should be based on need, and I also think the people should be whole without the relationship, not rely on eachother to complete them. Then we started arguing alot, and he started saying thigs like how I could find another guy so easily, and saying he wasn't going to be able to go to nationals, and I should get another ride. So finnaly, one night I got fed up, and started calling around for other rides. I told him, and he freaked out, swore up and down that he was gonna take me, and telling me all sorts of reasons for why he was saying otherwise, but none of them added up. I told him I would go with him, but things really changed after that. I noticed little thing, like how some of the stuff he would tell me wouldn't match with others, and little manipulatinve things, like teasing me about finding other guys untill I said how much I loved him again and again. It got to the point that I dreaded the phone ringing and his number showing up, but I decided that I should tell him I was feeling suffocated, not break it off yet. So I told him, and he was understanding, and stopped calling as much, but by that time everything I felt was gone, and I was just so tired of it all. So, I broke up with him, and I thought it would be ok, but that night we talked, and he went on and on about how he knew it would happen from the begining, and no one would ever love him, untill I basicly told him I took it back, and we went back to talking every day, but not the same as before, and he asked for a necklace that he had made me back because I "wasn't the person he thought", and he didn't come out to take me to nationals, and all my friends had left already, so I went away with my folks for a bit, and talked to him every day as always. Then, right after I got back (right after the 4th) he and I had a huge fight, and he told me it seemed like I didn't care if he came to see me at all, and I didn't love him, and I basicly told him that I couldn't deal with him anymore, I couldn't keep reasuring him and he couldn't need me, and I just wan't ready to be in a relationship. Later that night he called and told me he was coming to town, and could he see me, and I said yes, because I needed to give him back a pipe he had left and his necklace. I told him I wasn't sure when I would be able to see him, I had alot of stuff to do for something else, and he said alright. So he comes to town late the next day, and I told him I'd have to see the next day, but he went on and on about how he had driven all this way to se me (which he had told me before he drove out that he wasn't doing it just to see me, but for a couple other reasons) and that any friend would make time, untill, once again, I broke down and said I'd see him that night. I met him and we went to dinner and hung out, I gave him his pipe and the necklace (which he tried to give back but I refused) and everything was all good, but all that fire that had been between us before was still there, I had to keep reminding myself what he had done, how manipulative he was, and that I couldn't get sucked back in. Anyway, we ended up arguing in my car for about an hour when I was dropping him back off, it was so hard not to just give in and do the easy thing, but I left and told him I couldn't be with him any more. He came by the next day and asked me to go to the beach with him, and I said no because I had to do some stuff with my mom for a bridal shower we're giving my god sister, which I had told him about before, and of course he went on and about how any friend would make time, and he had driven all this way just to see me, and said a few other thing that he knew were untrue just to hurt me. So I told him no again and again untill he finnally left, and told me that he was tempted to stick around to warn all the guys that I was a love em and leave em girl, and that I was incapable of having a relationship or truly loving anyone. I keep going back and forth between thinking he's right and telling myself that he's not, I don't know what to think anymore, because I am still in love with him, but he's so bad for me. I'm so tired of love and relationships, and I don't even know why I've posted this, I guess I just needed to rant, or to have someone tell me I"m right, or that I'm wrong, I really don't know anymore. thanks for listening anyway though, much love to you all
that guy sounds really crazy. very, i donno, overprotective and he seems really insecure about his relationship life. but thats just what i think. and yes I have to agree, love really really sucks, unless its real true love and its not just one person loving the other and the other person saying that they love you too even tho they are just saying it for sex.
wow,this guy really seems wacko for real.I'd have to agree with Soul Rebel on this,Paix thid guy sounds like a bad dream i really dont think this guy has experienced "Real Love" before but wants it bad.Dunno his back ground but i can imagine how scary this could seem for you not to mention aggravating it must be.If i was you i wouldnt put up with this kind of behaviour it seems it will only get worse than this if you keep giving in to him.You seem like a sweet forgiving ladie but I've seen relationships like this in the past that ended up with physical abuse as well as mental abuse.I have no problem with meeting people off the net myself but its the crazy people like this that make it hard for the few good guys left.
that's pretty much exactly what I was thinking, so I'm glad to hear you guys backin me up, I guess I let him get into my head a little too much and was starting to think it was all me. I really appreciate you guys reading through that whole thing, thanks so much, lots of love to you!
yea, he seems a bit too attached. like if i met a lovely girl, i might become that attached too, but i doubt i would. who knows. i do know that until both people are totally content and comfortable with themselves, they cant really be content and comfortable with each other.
Paix, I don't understand why anyone would be so deceptive. you are way better off without him and I think you will definitely find some one just as wonderful as you thought he was.
thank you sister, you're very very sweet to say so honestly, if I never get involved with another guy again it will be too soon, I've more or less given up on the lot of them, lol
I dont blame you i would have cut it off to he seemed kinda crazy he needs to find some girl like him you are right for what you did even when he kept tricking you to go back with him i would have done the same thing i was kinda in the same sitution i was with this guy who i knew deep down he was cheating but he kept telling me he wasn't for me not to leave him so i didn't but come to find out he was so now i cant trust anyguy he fucked it up for every guy right know unless they do something wonderful but back to you you will be better off by your self stay single for awhile
If your wavering in your thoughts if hes right for you or not, then he's not the right one. Its ok to be attached but it doesnt seem like he fits into your ideals.
yeah, that's basicly what it got down to for me, I'm definatly learnign that it's ok to feel attatched and dependant, but it's wierd for me, I've always been fiercly independant, so it's very odd. I guess I just have to really trust whoever I end up feeling that way about, but that's what relationships are anyway is trust. thank you all for your comments and everything, I;ve felt so much better since making this post, I so appreciate you all!
I don't really get out there that often, but it happens very occaisionally, we should keep in touch! I have a friend that used to go to UC Santa Barbra and she's been wanting to go up and visit again, so I may get up that way in september.
Ya, definitely! I want to branch out and meet new friends it's just hard to find people close by! You can talk to me on here, my sn, e-mail, whatever. I won't bite. Let me know when you are coming up! You can stay with me if you like.
molly, most guys are assholes. it's the truth. wait until you find one that is gentle and loving, and then make sure you hold on to him.