Had an abortion a year ago...boyfriend expects me to get over it....

It was confusing because I was trying to figure out if she had an actual abortion which would be the Mifeprex or RU486 followed by the Misoprostol as you have described vaguely, or if she took the morning after pill (Levonelle). I work for a fucking pharmacy, please don't patronize me. In the first post she was not specific and when I asked she never responded.

And it abosolutely makes a difference in my opinon to which method she used because they are completely different, although neither are forms of birth control. I simply do not see how one could feel the guilt of having an abortion if one never had an abortion. I suspect that the guilt is for getting into this situation in the first place and she probably feels bad because she has now realized that her boyfriend isn't exactly as into her and creating a life with her as she once thought (and by creating a life I don't mean the baby). These are things that I believe should be discussed (but often are not) in the beginning of a relationship so each partner knows where the other stands.

My boyfriend and I had this discussion years ago. I personally am not ready to have a child on many levels. Therefore, I am on birth control. Now for a month and a half I have gone off of my birth control for medical reasons and guess what we have not had fucking intercourse. We have had much oral sex which is fine, but because neither of us enjoy condoms and we don't want children, we have been responsibile enough to just not have sex. It really isn't that hard if you think about it.

And I'm not against abortion either. I am pro- choice all the way and I do agree it is lil one's body and she should do what she feels is right for her, but I also believes that he has a right to express his opinion on the matter especially if she expects anything from him. If everyone thinks he is a dickhead, who cares, he is just saying that he isn't ready for this and that is honestly what he thinks they should do about it. Would we all love for him to be more supportive, of course we would, and how do we know he isn't being supportive? All he said was "you had an abortion before, why not have one again" maybe he thought that she treated it as not a big deal before. I mean we don't know what she had presented it as to him. Like I said we only have one side here and it has been my experience on these forums that one side isn't always the entire story. So instead of hanging him out to dry and attacking him off the bat, why not probe some more and get some more details of this relationship and how he treats her otherwise before judging him. And in the original post, she said he is the one who wants to have kids, so wtf?

Other than that I'm not getting sucked into this abortion debate on these forums again. I wonder why no one ever gets bored with this arguement. All we will do is go around in circles. If you all believe it is her decision, then let her make it instead of telling her what to do. I mean she proven how well she makes decisions right?

 

Geez, sorry. The way you (and others) asked, it seemed like you guys didn't know about RU486.

And seriously, it sounds like you're in a bad mood. I'm sorry if I caused that. I was in a bad mood when I typed my post. Didn't mean to perpetuate.

 

hippyfreek, you're a good lady.

 

you know.. for all the angst and all the defensive replies to this thread, there are actually a bunch of very valid views. it sounds easy to say if u can't go on contraception then don't have sex. that's very responsible but also very difficult to know how easy it is for the thread poster to do. regardless of all the aggression shown, I hope she finds a solution that fits her particular situation now but also grows from these very difficult questions which she must be asking herself now. here's hoping you find some peace!

 

Thanks KC. You're a wonderful (and hot) lady yourself

I totally understand where the OP is coming from in regards to not going on BC. I can't take the pill. It causes me to go completely insane, have bad menstrual cramps, and lots of other weird side-effects.

I also understand that it's a whole hell of a lot easier to say, "If you don't use birth control, don't have sex" than it is to actually PRACTICE that. We're human. We have instincts and very animal wants. Sex is one of those. Sometimes you just can't keep from doing the deed, no matter how self-disciplined you are.

But I also have different circumstances than the OP. When I became pregnant, abortion was not an option. Brian is staunchly pro-life. I am pro-life, but even as a pro-choicer, I was pro-life in regards to myself.

The OP has some very touch choices ahead of her if she is indeed pregnant. But she needs to be completely honest and quite forceful with her boyfriend that these choices, while affecting both of them to a point, affect her more so. She carries the child for nine months. If he decides to walk out, she has to make all those decision by herself. Lots of stuff to consider. *hugs ConfusedLittleOne* Please know that we're here for you, even with all the bickering

 

RE: I also understand that it's a whole hell of a lot easier to say, "If you don't use birth control, don't have sex" than it is to actually PRACTICE that.

I have no problems doing that.

 

So do you live together?
Does he have a job where he can support a child and you?
Does he think a baby will CHANGE OR BETTER your relationship?
Sounds like you guys are very young and are also not ready for a child right now.
One of the main reasons is it sounds like your relationship is not doing well right now-bringing a child into that just makes it worse.
I'm not trying to be cruel but from reading your post it sounds like neither one of you is ready for this really big step in life.

 

Wow....I haven't been on in a while and read all the replies. To clarify some things. I had the medical abortion...I was only about 2 months pregnant. I took a pill at the clinic then had to insert 2 pills (down there)...to dialate....and I got my period...therefore i wasn't pregnant anymore...and it was an abortion. I say it nonchalantly...but that doesn't mean I don't care about what I did. I still live at home and my mother can hardly support herself and she freaked out when I told her. BUT...when I found out, I was happy and scared...I planned on keeping the child and even talked to my boyfriend. Until my mom talked to me...basically made it sound like my life would be turned upside down and that we didn't have the money. I panicked and did the only thing I knew possible. So yes I do want children...when I am married and financially stable. And yes....I know I was irresponsible and stupid. I cannot communicate with my bf that well cuz he use to have a horrid temper so I was conditioned to keep things to myself. Its getting better now. The thing is he wants kids...he was only telling me to get an abortion again cuz he knows my situtation. I feel like its all my fault...like its only myself that chose to do it. I feel that deep down inside he holds it against me...and that makes me feel horrible. But what makes me mad is when we are having sex he wants to go inside me and I have to stop him. Sometimes I feel like he wants to get me pregnant.

So......I am not pregnant....I got my period. I told him regardless of how the pill makes me, I will start taking it anyways. He told me no....theres no way I am going to take the pill...and he wont let me get the shot. He doesnt want me to get bitchy like I did b4 when I took it. He thinks the pill messes you up...so if I take it...I might not be able to have kids when we want them. So...he said we just won't have sex...but its not that easy...not for us anyway. He spends the night and we sleep in the same bed. He says that I need to stop him and tell him no if he makes any moves on me. Let me explain....we don't go out much, so when we see each other its usually him coming over and spending the night...us stuck in the room the whole time. And we are suppose to abstain from sex when we usually have sex everytime he comes over. Uggghh...all of this is so weird.

 

Just wanted to say confusedLittleOne that I'm glad you realise its important to wait to have children until your financially stable. Otherwise you will be bringing more problems into your life, making your life harder and making your babys life harder too in not having all her physical posessions met. As well as the baby being in an environment of arguements between your boyfriend and you with not having the finances you need to pay bills and buy food, baby clothes, baby food etc.. which in turn would also more then likely put you into an emotional wreck and thus not being able to give your baby that nurturing loving environment of love that it would need.

My brothers girlfriend lied to him about being on the pill and fell pregnant only recently. She obviously wanted a baby. But neither of them work so its not only going to be very hard for both him and his girlfriend but on his little daughter. My niece.

Warlock

 

dude, break UP with him! it's that simple. this may sound harsh, but you should NEVER settle. just because the pill makes you "bitchy," that doesn't give him the right to dictate what you do. LISTEN TO ME: IT IS YOUR BODY. IT IS YOUR LIFE. HE DOESN'T OWN YOU. you sound very young to me. you need to get out of that relationship because believe it or not, it is abusive. you can try to defend him and justify his actions all you want, but it's still not right. you will be better off if you learn to live on your own, support yourself, be your own person, and stop letting someone else dictate your life. if people want to flame me, that's fine, but i am sick and tired of young people who throw their futures away over a relationship that is essentially abusive. THERE ARE BETTER MEN OUT THERE!!!

 

...

 

you know that's a lot easier said than done

 

How old are you guys? You need to sit him down and talk these things out. If you are pregnant your families and the goverment offer a lot of support. If you doesn't want to listen to you, or he gets pissed/defensive or whatever then you need to tell him to grow up and you don't intend on talking to him until he does. Lots of couples can't have babies. If you don't want the baby, but the baby up for adoption. A lot of single moms don't feel like they can raise a baby, but with support from the goverment and all you can raise a baby.

 

Keep in mind men tend to decide on something, be done with it, and get on with the feelings that involves.

If a guy's gonna do something, he's gonna do it and have no regrets.

If he would have a problem with it, he won't do it - or accept that he must and get on with it.

 

Alot of people use this argument to justify abortion. However that's totally false, it isn't your body, it's the one that is inside of you.

So next time you want to have an abortion think about this:

What would happen if:

Abe Lincoln's mom had an abortion
George Washington's mom had an abortion
Chris Columbas's mom had an abortion
Albert Einstein's mom had an abortion.

or

What if your own mother aborted you?

Now I'm not trying to start an argument or anything. I'm just wanting to point out the things most overlooked by pro-abortionists. As for me, I'm anti-abortionist. Personally I couldn't sleep at night if I weren't. But than again, that's how I was raised.