A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say “Hello.” He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "Do you know me?" To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt"? She says "No, I'm your son’s math teacher."
Hah, I like that. Stephen King and his friend are driving through the New York countryside, when Stephen king looks over and says, ''Thats the scariest thing I've ever seen.'' His friend looks over and is surprised when all he sees is a young boy talking to a priest. Stephen King leans out the window and yells, "Run little boy! Run for your life!"
