I don't know if you'd describe my event "traumatic", but an ex-bf/roomate got violent with myself and my best friend one night. I had him arrested. This was three months ago. I just found out that he may be taking his case to trial. Now there's a chance...there's a chance that he could get off the charges. If it goes to trial. Ever since that night three months ago, I've changed dramatically. I get extremely defensive and angry when someone brings his name up or the situation...or any comment directed negatively towards women. He's also been spreading lies and rumors about that night to all of my friends. Even people who don't know me have heard about me or him or the whole situation. I constantly have to tell the real side of what happened and relive it...I have to constantly defend myself...Explain myself. Some of my closest friends and even my current roomates aren't on my side. They believe his lies. I'm moving out next week. Last night, I started thinking about it again. I could see it happening, it played over and over. I started crying. I felt bad for my friend, whom he hit. She stood in his way for me. She took a beating for me. I tried to calm down, but it didn't work. I went into my room and I felt like I was going to explode inside. I had come home from a party, met some cool people, everything's fine....then I come home to that house and freak out. I had to talk to someone. It was 2:30 a.m. I called my parents, hysterical. Crying, screaming, shaking uncontrollably. I remember looking at my free hand and it was just shaking so terribly. I hate him with a hate i've never felt before, nor do I want to feel anymore. It's a terrible hateful feeling from the pit of my soul. I don't want to hate, but I can't help it. I can't control the pure anger I feel for him, the pure black hatred. My parents were scared when they heard me on the phone. I told them I'm going to see a therapist. Is that normal though? To be so affected by it every day, even after three months? So angry, and so hateful. I turn into a different person when I think of him. It takes over my mind, all I feel is anger. Moving out of that house will help next week. It won't remind me of that night so much...and I'll be away from those roomates and x-friends who take his side...I can start all over. New friends. New place. But still, I don't want to think of him any more, I don't want to be angry or afraid or nervous or crying or just...upset. Any comments/suggestions/advice?
My situation is much different, but I do have post-traumtic stress syndrome, and I've had it for over 2 years, so you can most definitely have it for extended periods of time. Some days are worse than others, and some days are a piece of cake. For me, I have flashbacks and nightmares about having almost died after the birth of my twins. Sometimes I will get such severe panic attacks from it that I seriously feel like I'm going to die. I can feel myself get close to fainting, and usually it's at that moment that I have to talk myself down, tell myself that I'm fine, that everything is alright because otherwise, I'm going to pass out from sheer terror. I'm not sure if what you are describing would be classified as PTSS or simply a normal reaction to what happened, especially considering that there is a chance that this guy will be released. So of course it's natural to be nervous, to be emotional and afraid. To me, it sounds like you are having panic attacks, which of course can all be tied into PSST. But I am not a professional, and the best thing you can really do is talk to someone who is if you feel that you are indeed having difficulty. In the meantime, talk about your feelings. Get them out, holding them inside will only make things harder to cope with. Many hugs...
Well, I moved out today! Not next week! So that' helping. I found new roomates! Um...it does make me nervous..this guy...but i have to learn to control my anger/fear/memories otherwise, he's won. And that will never happen!
I can relate to what you are feeling. I was with a guy that mentally and physically abused me. I loved him and stayed for that reason but more so because he had complete control over me. It was like he even controlled my thoughts, and sometimes it seems as though he still does. I left him 2 months ago and I still ge this AWFUL feeling when I think about him. I left the town I grew up in because everywhere I went I had memories of him and also because I am afraid I will run into him. I can't drive by his house, workplace, or anywhere I might see him because I freak out. This is not becuse I'm scared of him, I'm not afraid at all. I dont really understand what is happening and have often thought about seeking some kind of counseling. The feelings havent subsided at all, but it did happen just 2 months ago. I am really sorry about what happend to you. I hope things continue to get better for you.
