Where Did My Heart Go Little Star

Gental thoughts flow through the jagged edges of my mind.
Was it Five Years ago, it seems like yesterday to me.
I can still smell your scent as I lay your children down.
It's your eyes that smile up to me as I kiss each cheek.

Can you see us little star, do you watch your children grow.
Can you feel the love in Spirit as you felt it in life.
Do you hear us cry for you in the silent darkness of night.
Do you wipe our tears away with your Angel's Wings.

Was the pain to great to bare.
Was the night calling you home to rest.
Did heaven need you more the the ones you left behind
Did you leave us to be free from your pain.

Be at Peace my Little Star, fly freely without suffering
Touch the heavens with your soul and make it a brighter place.
For your beauty and your charm lite up the darkest sky.
Inspiring love and song.
Mama

 

Beautiful poem, Shameless...for your daughter, perhaps? I'm sure she is resting happily, looking down on all of you with love and joy...I remember you writing about her, and the sadness you felt when she left...

If this wasn't about your daughter, I apologize...but it reminded me of what you shared about her earlier. Rest in peace, angel daughter of Shameless...

 

Yes, Sus my preciouse Amy. The girls are coming this weeked for their visit and it always bring her close when they are here. They only get to see each (the girls) when they come here. They have diffferent daddys so they live apart. I promised Amy I would keep them together as she lay dying. I've had them every other weekend since Amy died in 2000. Cystic Fibroses took her from us. She faught it for 25 years and 10,000,000 tears. I don't believe I will ever fully recover from my loss. I know she is no longer suffering and where she is now she is smiling. But knowing that somehow doesnt fill the gap in my heart. I am thankful for my son though, I was left one gift and my grandaughters. I still have her in them.

Thank you Sus your a good sister.
sh

 

That was beautiful Shameless. I can't imagine how much pain you have endured losing a child. I don't believe there could possibly be a greater pain. Time heals, but that damn void just never goes away. Peace be with you sister..my heart goes out to you. (((HUGS)))

 

Thank you sweet Leeann, I love you too sister. I would have rather die a thousand deaths then lose her like that or at all. It's just not natural to bury your own child, it goes against the grain. It's upside down and out of place. Like being in another demention, everything gets fuzzy and wavy. You cannot think, you can barely breath because every breath reminds you, your alive and ya really don't want to be reminded. The shattering all consuming pain begins with the reality crashing down on you like a brick building on fire. Then the bottom falls out from under you and you fall fall fall, spinning and churning in the bottomless pit that forever sucks you down. Sur-realistic scenes of a former you drift aimlessly as you try to grasp hold of smoke floating through your fingers. Then you go numb all over unable to feel anything but the all consuming pian and emptiness of lost love.
Time heals nothing in this area. I think that it's more like you get to a place where you learn to live with the pain. It really never lessen, it's always there and just as strong as the day.. well I'll stop here, no use..

 

I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better, but I know there's nothing. The death of my mama has eaten me up inside, and 3 years later I'm still an emotional wreck. I couldn't imagine losing a child. I'm so sorry. There's no need for you to say anymore..the way you described your pain made my heart fall. I love you Mary, and if you need to talk pm me anytime. *warm hugs*

 

Shameless,
I went through your posting here..
the loss of Amy..cannot be undone or consoled..
I know your heart suffers..but life goes on,Shameless..
life is always between and
Amy is perhaps gone..but I'm sure she's deep in your
heart..and in ours too..so..we will be here for you..
I never knew my Mom..she died at childbirth from my
younger brother..in 1948..placenta didn't come..
they put my Mom under narcosis..she never woke up..
My DAd couldn't cope...and became an alcoholic..
for the rest of his days..he died in 1982..and I was not
even at his dying bed to say goodbye..:&
Furthermore..I lost several friends in motorbike accidents..
and one good friend in a coalminer's accident..
I had my share of bad luck as well,Shameless..
let's join hands together here...and share our pain..
and I lost good friends as well..by misunderstandings..
Peace too you..
Emiel

 

bless your hearts all of you, i know the pain of losing loved one's too. both of my parents are gone and i know the pain of losing a child too. support groups helped me so much to endure and as the years go by it gets a little easier, but the loved one's spirits are always there with us, especially the anniversaries of deaths, i always expect to be sad on those days. poetry has saved my soul so many times, to be able to get the pain out on paper somehow helps.

bless us all
hippiewise

 

Thank you all my freinds,. I hope I din't come off as having a pity party. I am very strong,, Amyy is my accilles heel. Some days it's overwhelimg, and poetry does make a good outlet.
I have been 'cleaning house' getting ready for a garage sale this weekend, I've been going through her things that she left and I recall every little item. It's so difficult to let go of it bc it was hers. I know I can't keep it all but it's like I'm getting rid of her. I guess it's guilt of some kind. I know it will ease up.
I love you all..
Brightest Blessings
sh

 

i just came across this in the active threads, and your poem and all the responses brought tears to my eyes... i can only imagine losing a loved one as i've been fortunate enough not to have known anybody pass away who was close to me. this touched me though, and gah i wish i was better with words. and remember you don't have to get rid of everything that was her's.. it's probably best to keep some of it... perhaps create a memorial scrapbook you can look through... if you haven't done something already... (just a suggestion... i don't know what i'm saying really)

.... take care.

 

that was tender and moving, shameless. thank you for sharing.

i think i go have a good cry now.

*gigggles*

 

No pity party..just look at it as a support group. It helps to vent, and you do it so beautifully. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to get rid of her stuff. I got all of mamas things when she died, and I have a storage building with nothing but her stuff in it. Alot of it's junk, but it's HER junk. I have like lids to cooking pots that don't fit any of mine, but because it's hers, I keep it. I'm super weird about it. I have that same guilt thing come over me too. Like you know you aren't gonna gain anything else from that person ever again, so you want to keep everything. Almost like it would hurt their feelings if you were to throw it away.
Hang in there lady..
I love you

 

Hippiewise my heart nods knowingly at yours.

Tiger Lily,
I have special things I have put up for the girls when they are grown. I have kept some for me too. Some are silly little things that remind me of times when she was happiest. It was difficult to find happy times. She spent so much time is hospitals, we did manage to squeeze in some lauther and song even there in the bleakness of a hospital room. I have more memories then her babies do which is sad. The lessons I have learn from her death will last my life time. They were the/are the hardest.
I will survive.
sh

 

Leeann, that excataly how I feel too.

 

Ah woman, you move my soul.

A big ol' Virginnie-sized bro bear hug for you.

And a bit of a thought from J. Garcia:

All the years combine,
They melt into a dream,
A broken angel sings from a guitar.

In the end there's just a song
Comes cryin' up the night
Thru all the broken dreams and vanished years.

Stella Blue.
Stella Blue.

When all the cards are down,
There's nothing left to see,
There's just the pavement left and broken dreams.

In the end there's still that song
Comes cryin' like the wind.
Down every lonely street that's ever been

Stella Blue.
Stella Blue.

I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel,
Can't win for trying.
Dust off those rusty strings just one more time,
Gonna make them shine, shine.

It all rolls into one
And nothing comes for free,
There's nothing you can hold, for very long.

And when you hear that song
Come crying like the wind,
It seems like all this life was just a dream.

Stella Blue.
Stella Blue.

Keep remembering. Keep on keepin on.

Love ya.

 

Blessings to you Luvn

 

Sloth Outta Here!