Im lost in my world But thats ok I like it better here anyway Cause your not here to turn it black your not here to change it back When we met my world got bright When you left it got lost It got red when we would fight I walked out that night To save my sanity baby To save my world I want you to love me I want you once again I need you to touch me I scarficed my mind to be with you I scarficed my world to love you Most of my writings were written durring a really hard time in my life well 2 of them 1-foster care 2-the only person i ever loved thats y they might sound kinda alike Its like a cage You visit everyday I watch out the window I watched you drive away You leave me here Everyday You left me here to rot I would of ended it But the fear of what you would say And how no one would care The idea of how much that would hurt If i would be alive to hear She kept saying what would God say I told her God doesnt care I told her God isnt here Marilyn Manson blasting in my ears So I wont hear her prey So i wont hear my sister cry tonight So I can sleep tonight I dremt about my own room My own bed My own life I dremt about burning this place to the ground Watching the flames rise around it It hurts knowing when i wake up Everything will be the same And you'll visit And leave us here to cry Leave us here to die Feedback is always wanted!
i was stuck looking at the little .GIF in ur signature, im stoned and was quite mezmerized. i'll answer this thread correctly tommorow.
Unfortunately poetry is by far my weakest subject. I generally miss the mark, but I related to the bit with Marilyn Manson blasting in your ears, because I've got a problem with mine, which is why I live in the countryside
You have some nice turns of phrase and rhythms but I strongly suggest spellchecking and usings basical punctuation (apostrophes etc). Then you might consider either firming up the cadence and rhyme scheme or letting them go more towards free verse rather than something partway between the two.
it was all just random stuff i wrote down weather it rymes or not didnt matter at the time lol its just a shit load of emotions put into 1 and the spelling and punctuation once again didnt matter i just copyed it from where i wrote it bad spelling and all!
i found it really painful.... or maybe its reflecting my pain..agrhhhh.. defientely effectice anyway. thanks for sharing
