hey all.. well i found a net cafe..im in spain at the mo..spent last night in france but its quite cold there so we drove south this morning...me and myu dad are gettin on ok so far but were only three days in! im having fun but cant wait to get back really..missing jaz too much which is makin me quite down. need a hug and i dont think i can ask dad...or want to. but thte scenery is beautiful..drove over the pyrannies this morning and it was breathtaking..we live in a beautiful world...seriously..just bee for a swim in the med and ate a very smelly seafood paella!! pls keep praying..thinkin...sending happy vibes or whatever for me and myu dad...its difficult bnut i think its gone be ok. and if jaz is ever on msn when you are, tell him i love him and miss him muchly byebye for now..love to you all asta la vista love luchi xxx
i spoke to him today and already told him ... hope you are ok luchi and all is going well for you both .. give it time, do your best. Giles
Hey Luchi, hope your having much fun out there! Sounds like you are! I'm not too sure what the deal is with your pop, but i'm sure it'll all be good....he's your dad Explain to me one day if you feel like it, hehe! LOts of love for you out there, Daisy Waisy x x x x x
oh man i love her so much. Luchi if you get on the net again and read this then, i am with you! I love you burstily my beautiful hippie princess I love you! I'm glad you're having fun, and keep smiling, i'm hugging you, I miss you so much, really really really. I can't wait to get you back in my arms. Loves you Luchi! Jaz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Happy vibes winging their way to you, hope things carry on going good with you two, you may even encourage me to start talking to my parents one day!
wow..thanks for the love guys really appreciqte it sorry in advqnce if ,y speillin is all wrong the keys are in differnet pmlaceson this funny keyboard! im now in a cybercafe in france in a little village called millau...its beuatiful here. we are campin in a gorge by a beautiful river and were surrounded by nassive breathtkin mountians...the sun is shinin and the scenery is gorgeous. i just wish i was sharin it with ,y friends. im feelin ok today..the last two days i have found very difficult although i got to chat with jaz on the phone which was a huge blessing. me and my dad have barely spoken its so bizarre...whenever were alone we just sit or walk in silence..we have nothin to say to eachother and it breaks my heart so i try and aoid being with him but those of you who know ne well will know that i hate bein alone so im stuck between two not very nice options. spending the holiday with a man called 'dad' who i dont know and dont particular like or spending it by myself. its really sad my dad obviously feels sad aswerll as you can tell hes really tryin to make an effort with me but his effort involves only one thing and that is spending money. he doesnt have anythin to say to me so instead he hands ne loads of cash and tells me tpo go buy myself. this makes me feel miserable and each time he has done this ive bought jaz something instead so now jaz has a ridiuclous amount of pressies! but it is also makin me more bitter towards my dad as im so skint at home and there are so many things i could do with financial help with in my real life and yet he doesbnt offer any help then, just loads and loads of holiday money. im thinkin of hangin onto the money he gives me now and changin it back to pounds in england. so yeh... its goin ok. i havent run away yet like the last time i saw him!!! but as expected, he isnt the dad ive always wanted. i love you all thankyou for your friendship and support with this. its a really big deal to me love luchi xxx
Random thought, but this reminds me of some opera by Richard Wagner - Carmina Burana, I believe (Sum presentialiter absens in remota - I am with you even when I'm far away) Check out Omnia Sol Temperat, I'm sure you'd like it. http://www.impresario.ch/sounds/orfcar04.htm Anyways, Luchi, good luck! You can do it. *hugs* Love, Borut
Hang in there Luchi! I know it will be hard but try not to be bitter about your Dad, you could wrap all that bitterness and give it as a present to God (he will know what to do with it!) Don't know if you will get to read this, but part of me is feeling sorry for your father. He knows he has screwed up his relationship with his daughter, and his response is kind of typical of men of my age(sorry guys) , at least he can go out and earn a living successfully, so lets show the profits of what he can do and throw money at the problem..... Personally I would take the money gracefully( well I'd take it) after all if it really turns bad you could always pick the charity of your choice and make a donation ( should I mention the lets teach Moominmamma to drive charity?) Hang in there, so at least you can say to yourself that you held out the hand to start a new adult relationship with your Dad. If he wasn't ready for it, well that's sad, but you can be proud of yourself about your own actions. Will be checking the forums to see how you got on, love and hugs Sue
sue... my chosen mum thanklyou so much, you are a wonderful encourager! i agree with you and im tryin to deal with my feelings in a wayt that will be helpful to myself and my dad. its very strange at the moment as my feemlings swing so abrutply... one moment i feel such animosity towards him, i look at him and think, you really dont have a clue do you? and i feel quite resentful towards him, and the next minute my heart breaks for him because i see in him such a lost lonely man. its very difficult. yesterday we went to have suching father/dauighter bonding time, canoeing down a river... agian we barely spoke.. im not blaming my father as i didnt talk either, we share general chit chat but once that runs out we fall into silence every day. its weird because deep down i have so much to say to him and a thpousand questions, but i guess i like to kepp the peaceful facade.. part of me whats to scream how i feel around him, i think if i were to voice my feelings it would only be in a scream, i like to think i could sit down and talk rationally with him but i think its impoosible because i have such storn gfeelings, i cant step aside from my feelings. but things are ok, i am gettin alot of time to mysef which i hate coz i fear being alone, but i feel its being really good for me. maybe even helpin me get over that fear. with regards to my father.. i dont think im goin to come home with a smile on my face about a new found relationship with him but well see. maybe o will find sum courqge to open up to him,, maybe i wont need to. but today i am happy. i have just eaten with an aborginie family in thir tiny but beautiful home, chatting with them and seein ghow they live is putting lmy life in perpsective; im about to go make sum musoc woth them sorry about the ypin, its a strange keyboard again! thankyou for you love and kind words, i really appreciate it. i guess to others this may not seem mike a big deal, but this is a very massove thing for me, this time with my dad, its sp rimportant to me and t know that i have pplk behind me supportin me and loving me is such a blessing thanks love luchi xxxx
Dear Luchi......my chosen daughter you are doing so well, just keep taking it one day at a time. By the way I think you are right to think the relationship with your father is important. My father died suddenly of a heart attack when I was twenty-one, we were distanced from each other and he never really knew me and vice-versa. That probabley does colour my feelings on this issue, but still think generally speaking getting to know our parents is good for us and them. Have a great time making music with the aborigine family, sounds like quite an experience. Had a wonderful thing happen to me last night, went to the local zoos open evening, they had a bird of prey display, the man let this vulture loose, instead of flying over us it landed next to Hamish and me and just stared at us. Hamish was scared but reacted very well, the guy said as long as we sat still we would be fine (funny enough we didn't feel much like moving) and this vulture just looked at us for about thirty seconds then flew off. It wasn't a beautiful bird but you could see intelligence in its eyes, and its always kind of special when a wild creature seeks you out , I think......... Any way this thread is about you, so will close now looking forward to hearing more Sue
she is my chosen lil sis too .. and I know what you are in the process of Luchi .. should you trip there are those like us here
thankyou sue, thanks giles, you two are such treasure to me! i adore my chosen family today has been quite difficult for me, ly dad has barely spoje a word and yet another 80 euro has been thrown my way.. it makes me feel physically sick, i have walked round and round the village tryin to control my emotions whuch have been swinging from anger to such sadness... then i fouhnd another net cafe! haha thankgoodness, im feelin quite mellowed now but am not looking forward to returning to my dad. this is such a bizarre situation :s but its very nearly over... and i cant wait to get home; i just pray that i dont explode at my dad before we leave i think that will only make me feem worse, and him aswell love to you all from my current dwelling place; the Gorge Du Tarn love luchi xxxx
*hugs luchi* darling you are handling this in such an amazing way and i know you have the strength to make it to the end. you are such a wonderful person and i know that you know that it is not your dads fault all of this....i know its not perfect but i am sure he is doing the best he can although it doesn't seem like it sometimes. you have still grown up to be a wonderful be you tif all women regardless so something must have been done right. sending so much love and light to you, i shall give you the biggest hug in the world at beautiful days. love you namaste x x x
