how do you cope with death?

cooloner, i haven't standardized the grieving process to an artform, i was a grief counselor for 15 years, i didn't mean to say that's how someone has to grieve, just the different stages. sometimes when we know what we are going through affects other's the same way, it helps.
hippiewise

 

Grobe:

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Lossing a friend is never easy, especially when you are young. Its earth shattering... because young people don't die in the real world.. it's only on TV and movies, right? I used to think that too.

Don't bottle it up. Find an outlet. It's still warm enough in SK to be outside right? Bundle up, go for a walk... do some thinking. Go for a run, kick something, scream... get the anger out. Write in a journal. Physical activity helps some people (I usually end up skating in circles, doing angry cross cuts). Others do better writing the rage and grief out. Try both until you learn what works best for you?

Please don't turn to drugs and/or booze. It does numb you up...but it's only a temporary thing. Eventually you have to sober up, and then you are still faced with the original problem. I turned to drugs when faced with a big loss, and it took me a long time to resurface. Don't to that to the people who love you.

Its going to hurt for awhile. Sometimes it will just jump up and bite you on the ass out of nowhere. There is no real quick fix. Is there someone you can talk to? Parents? Older siblings? An elder of somesort?

Hang in there!

 

Write about them. It is very theraputic. When my aunt died recently, I wrote about her in my journal. Then I cleaned it up a bit and used it as a eulogy at her funeral.

Read your thoughts aloud at the service, or if you can't do it without crumbling, have someone else read it for you. It gives you a sense of closure.

 

I go through 3 stages. Shock, Loss, Acceptance.
Its part of life.

 

It's a hard thing to put into words isn't it?
I can't describe how I felt when my brother died, but I know it took me alot longer than I thought to come to terms with it.
I'm sorry for your loss sweetie (((Grobe)))

 

dealing with death of loved ones, both family and friends is a part of life that does not go away. There will be days all through life when we will lose someone close to us. There is no right way or wrong way to feel, but one thing that is a must do is to "accept it". There is more after death and the departure from this life as we know it is but a stepping stone to the next. I believe this becaue I have seen many people in my life die, people close to my heart, like my grandma, my grandpa, and my own mom. Ive also lost several friends overe the years and I have seen signs from them. No, Im not crazy and Im not a lunitic, but its true and I will share a very moving expierience here for anyone who has already read this far. My friend Cathy, she was a lesbian which has nothing to do with the story, but werefriends and when she and her girl friend broke up, I offered her the spare room which she took. Anyhow, we grew to be great friends and hung out alot. After about 4 months, she was walking home from the 7-11 on the corner, not more than a block away when she was hit by a car and killed. I had to identify her body as her relitives lived in alabama. Her wishes were to be creamated which was going to happen at noon a couple days later. It was hard to lose her and I cried, and I felt loss, but that night, as I drove home down a long dark country road, a series of songs played on the radio each one, hitting hard on my heart. Every song that played, there were 4 or 5 in a row, and I mean back to back, and I swear this is the truth, but every one of those songs were Cathys favorites, I mean exactly the songs she liked. By the time that last song started, Dust in the wind, by kansas was the last song. When it started playing, I had to pull over the side of the road and I cried like I have never in my life cried, I must have cried for a good 10-15 minutes before being able to drive on, but drive on I did, knowing in my heart of hearts that cathy had just sent me a message to assure me that she was still there, like the dust in the wind. Damn, I gotta quit cause I have watery eyes right now. My advice is to hold your memories close to your heart, and know that they have moved on to a better place or dimension.

 

i kept a vigil by my father's deathbed 10 years ago for 13 days...and last month kept an 8 day vigil with my mother. i feel fortunate to have given them comfort in knowing they were not alone. i have witnessed 2 sisters fade away, friends, and beloved pets. death can be a beautiful thing to experience, or it can be a horrific thing to witness. it mostly depends on whether or not you know the difference between the Self and the body it inhabits...free is joy

 

I had posted something simular to your response a little over a year. Thought I would do a cut and paste:

I'm sorry of you loses...when my Dad died a few years ago, the grief counsellor offered a possible explanation what a person generally goes through during these times.

Stage: Symptoms
1. Denial

2. Numbness: Shock, Stunned, No Energy, Spector, Nausea, Loss of appetite, Poor Concentration, Tight Chest Difficulty Breathing

3. Searching: Questions, Doubts, Guilt, Anger, Panic, Image of Deceased, Lack of Trust, Never Be Replaced, Deity

4. Disorientation: Confusion, Tension, Insomnia, Worthlessness, Self-Accusation, Loneliness.

5. Resolution Laughter, Pleasure, Letting Go, Goals, Change, Forgiveness, Giving, Understanding, Creativity, Good Diet, No Drugs, One Day at a Time

There isn't a set time frame for each stage, ei. 1 week for Denial, then time for Numbness. Each person is different and grieve in their own way.
Also if you find yourself in one stage, ei. Searching, this doesn't mean you can't have some elements of Numbness such as Stunned while still having Doubts. Also it could be possible to slip back a stage or two before moving onto Resolution.

You don't need to exhibit all of the element to be in a stage. You still can be Numb if you feel Shocked Stunned but not Nausea or Tight Chest.

Hopefully between these two posts, you can at least have a bit of understanding of what is going on within you. That you are not going crazy, in fact reacting to your loss in the best manner you instinctively know how.

 

you kill someone else. for each person you lose you kill another.

and remember as that old song goes "I shall never love another".

 

Shock Rock