So I've got this problem...well a few actually...and I cant seem to help myslef. I'll try not to ramble, but here goes - I have an uncontrolable eating problem. I eat fatty foods like my life depends on it. I dont even think about it sometimes, I just eat. And when I get full, I still eat. Almost 6 years ago (same time I started going out with my boyfriend) is when my issues arised. At that time I was thin and in pretty good shape. But I had the self esteem of a rock and when I looked in the mirror I saw a fat girl. I basically stopped eating. Every now and then I would eat but not too often. So I lost some weight and was even thinner but still felt so gross. I went off to college and ended up coming home after one semester because I was very depressed and things werent going right. I started eating again, eating a lot. At the time I didnt think it was an issue because my boyfriend helped assure me I wasnt "gross" and whatnot, but I ended up gaining tons of weight. Throughout these past 5 years I have been on and off bulimic. Like, I would eat and eat and eat and keep it in, then after gaining about 10 pounds I would keep eating that much but throw it up and lose the 10 pounds I just gained. It was a pretty bad cycle and I didnt lose any weight. I havent done that anymore because the last time I did, which was probably the beginning of this year, I threw up some blood and it freaked me out pretty bad. So basically since then I have just been eating a lot and gaining more weight. And its funny because I look the way I thought I did when I really was thin!! Its like my punishment for not loving myself. I feel so unhealthy!!! It sux. And I cant tell you how badly I want to eat good and exercise and be healthy but I just cant get myself to do it. I swear its not just me being lazy. I mean I can be lazy sometimes but its more than that. This has been an ongoing struggle for years. I feel like theres some inner thing going on with me but i dont know what it is. I am going to purchase a nice exercise bike and get back into yoga but I dont know if thats gonna do it. I have this book called Living in the Light and theres a chapter called Your Perfect Body and it says that some women fear that by becoming slim, they will be too sexually attractive and are afraid of attracting unwanted energy and dont trust themselves to know how to deal with it...feeling too vulnerable and not knowing how to protect themselves and that these women can diet forever and not lose weight because they are unconsciously needing it. Now I'm not saying this applies to me, but it could be possible? I had some intense sexual "things" happen to me when I was little and back when I was thin I had stupid guys try to do things to me and stuff, and I mean I would never want that to happen again but can that really be why I'm keeping myself from losing weight?? Does anyone know what else it could be? Or have any of you had to deal with something similar. Please let me know I am dying here...
There is a very common link between eating disorders and sexual abuse. You may feel that you can use your boddy to keep people away, but the only thing you'll end up doing is trapping yourself in. I hope you can address what happened to you in your youth.
I suggest you read "confessons of a reformed dieter" by A.J Rochester. It's an amazing real life account of her struggle to overcome bad eating habits that arose from being sexually abused as a child (among other things). Though i've never gone through something horrible like sexual abuse it really helped me understand the link between my emotions and eating habits. After about 5 years (since i was thirteen) i finally seem to have cracked healthy eating and am on my way to being slimmer and am already happier. The key is to calm down about it. I know how despairing it is to feel like you are always failing and that you have no control over your actions but getting worked up about it is only aggrevating the situation. And don't on any account try the fast track. To eat healthy you have to change your lifestyle and the way you see food. that takes time. I hope this helps in some way
thanks to both of you! I'm just going to take it slow...and yeah your right, I def need to calm down. stressing about it gets me nowhere. thanks again
Hi Crimson. You know a lot of people have eating problems because they have lost the correct concept of being full. Especially someone who was thin before. You eat till you are full. What exactly is full? Do you eat until your extended belly is full and bulging out? Till you are stuffed, literally. Try working on your concept of fullness. Try to plan your meals ahead of time. That will help you avoid impulse eating. You know, when you walk by a donut shop and decide you have to have a donut? Had you walked in a different path you would have never craved that donut. Try it and see if you can work it out with your mind and belly. I know it's hard, but it can be done. I've been bouncing from 180 to 290 lbs and back again all my life. One other thing. If you are a good girl the whole week, then reward yourself with a nice slice of cake or bowl of ice cream. <g>
