Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to make them drink it.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

1. You can prove you have a Beer.

submitted by anonymous

 

Twelve reasons God is better than beer:
12. God won't lie to you like the beer adverts do.
11. You don't have to wait 5 seconds for more of God.
10. Beer costs money.
9. No one ever got arrested for praying while driving.
8. God keeps people from fighting; beer makes people fight.
7. Beer won't answer your prayers.
6. Beer makes you sick.
5. Preachers are nicer that drunks.
4. Beer can't heal you.
3. People have died for God, but people have died from beer.
2. If it wasn't for God there wouldn't be any beer or anyone to drink it.
1. Beer can't keep you out of hell, but it can get you there quicker.

 

Weak, my joke was way funnier boy scout!

 

yeah, that rebuttle was pretty weak

 

I like God and beer. Except they both give me a headache sometimes.

 

I almost gave up stout for Jesus, then I remembered how much
more I enjoy a good Guiness over a church sermon.

Being pagan, beer can represent a part of the Divine Masculine.
It is the grain in his many forms.

Preachers nicer than drunks? The same drunk you talk to on friday
night is the preacher you see on sunday morning.

Gods advertisers lie all the time.

Depending on where you get him, Jesus costs money too.

If you pray and drive, keep your eyes open and your hands
on the wheel, lol, lest you get arrested.

you god has made people fight for ages, he is a war god.

 

Well..i would have to agree with you. Although your biff is not with Jesus but religion itself. Religion sucks. From that stand point your ten points are right. Jesus and religion have never mixed well. Thats why they killed Him. And I have good news. Jesus drank too. I heard it said this way. God has never had a problem with drinking only with drunkeness cause in the end it hurts you.

From a former religious person who found the truth. Jesus is ok with me now...religion still sucks!

 

When talking about child molestation, I think they're about tied.

 

this is awesome

if i put quotes in my sig, this would be in there

 

Twelve reasons God is better than beer:
12. God won't lie to you like the beer adverts do.

But his minions-- er, I mean faithful flock will.

11. You don't have to wait 5 seconds for more of God.

No, just till the second coming (any time now) or death.

10. Beer costs money.

Ever heard of tithing?

9. No one ever got arrested for praying while driving.

Well, they should be. You can't steer with your hands folded

8. God keeps people from fighting; beer makes people fight.

God keeps people from fighting? Dammit, are the newspapers lying to me again?

7. Beer won't answer your prayers.

Liar!

6. Beer makes you sick.

Beer won't sodomize me.

5. Preachers are nicer that drunks.

Except when they sodomize you. Or when they scream at you for being an infidel...

4. Beer can't heal you.

But it will make you forget why you needed healing...

3. People have died for God, but people have died from beer.

I seem to recall something about witch trials/pagan persecutions, Crusades and jihad...can't quite remember...

2. If it wasn't for God there wouldn't be any beer or anyone to drink it.

Beer is manmade. I give god full credit for weed, tho

1. Beer can't keep you out of hell, but it can get you there quicker.

Just so long as there's beer there...

 

gosh ur all so stupid, u dont have to pay for something that has always been there, and heron, not to disrespect u, but, not all christians are like that, ur groupin all ppl into one kinda ideal, like me, i struggle with religeon so much , but i always go back to god, y? not because its fun, its hard, wiica is fun, but its wrong that y i stopped, u ppl are insane

 

If I generalized MrsMorrison, it was for the fun of it. I think this thread is meant in jest.

I know not all Christians are like that, i dont need a confused little girl to tell me so.
Some of my closest, most respected friends are Christian.

For the record, you're the one who said Wicca was wrong, dont want
anyone thinking I said it. I'm not wiccan anyway, so i dont even know
what you were gettin at.

I wish you knew more of what you were talking about, then you would
realize that the god of the bible is but one of many, a pagan god before,
with a good publicist and a group of people to give up their many to
worship only him. Have fun with him, but you'd do better being Jewish,
rather than Christian, or you could go with since you are a decendant of
Noah that you only have to follow the 6 rules rather than the 600+ for
the Hebrews. You wouldnt even have to be Jewish, just follow "God"

Christianity is where you are going wrong, the love of your god is
apart from that. But i hope it works out.

and out of courtesy, could you actually type whole words?

 

nah too lazy. and im not a "confused little grl" aha i just have a hard time choosing between wat i think is fun and wat i know is right, its as simple as that, and God was never pagan? i dont kno where u get that from

 

I think you should do what is right for you. However, at the same time keep an open mind about others beliefs. The word God means many things to many people. I do not think you are a "confused little girl" but you might want to look into the history of religion. But only you should choose what you believe. Never believe because someone tells you so or you have read it in a book. Use your own good mind to decide.

 

ye i agree, and i have studied the bible and wat i beleive, i have been raised on nothing but it, and i know ALOT about it, but i do have an open mind about other beleifs, thats y im not really bashing nebody about there religeon, only stating how i feel about it, as they are stating how they feel about mine, and i really dont even see christianity as a religeon, but more of the way of life, the way life should be lived, i hate to think of it as a religeon, its alot like buddhism taht way (which i am HIGHLY respectful too, i love the way they see things) i just know that im right because i feel it, and ive seen it, and ive expreirenced it, i fall back only becasue im well a teenage grl, and i like to tyr new things, even tho they might not be right, but we all mess up before we succeed thats the way i like to look at it, and i hate it when ppl think im inexperience just because im 15, i have experience alot for someone of my age, so i dont want to hear it, but thanks hippypaul, i aprreciate someone finnally standing with me ahahah

 

Yes mrs morrison the biblical god, all of them, were part of pagan pantheons.

Yahweh, of Exodus fame, was a war god and wine god before Moses
and he decided that they would take covenant together, therefore
making the Hebrew people Monotheist, more technically Monolatrists,
but even then the continued to worship their other gods, until the time
of Elijah.

El Shidah, the god of Abraham, was the father god of the entire pantheon,
and father of Ba'al, Yahwehs biggest rival, and the husband to Asherah,
their mother of gods.

Your bible is full of gods, it was the Christians who chose to forget that.
It was the Roman writers of your New Testement that presented the
whole "One god or go to hell" scenario.

Read a little.

 

well, u see, that contradicts everything i beleive, how could there be nething before God, remember, we beleive he created everything, it is man that created all those gods in the bible, God was everything before anything, so that means nothing to me, God was the first, the one and only, there was nothing before Him, so wat u just said makes no sense to me..

 

You give credit to a tribal god, Yahweh, the god of Moses. The only made up
part is the credit he is given for all the things he did not do.

You use the word God to describe creation and everything in it.
But you say it from the confines of the Bible. How is it that
Semitic mythology is more true than the mythology of any
other culture in the world? How do you know it wasnt the
German gods who created it all, or the Celtic ones, or any
of the Native American tribes? Why arent their creation stories
true?

What about the Goddess religions 40,000 years ago? What of that?

Judaism, the basis for your faith, has only been around for about 3500
years, what before that? Adam and Eve werent Jewish you know? Judaism
didnt start with them.

Jewish mythology is built on older Middle Eastern myths.

Tell me about Noahs flood? is that true? or was the story
in Gilgamesh the real one? What about the one where the
little fish told the boy to build a big assed boat cause the
flood was coming. All three of those stories have arks and
two by two, and cubits and all. Only Noah is the last version.

Or we could get more academic. Tell me about the Black Sea Deluge,
at the end of the Ice Age? Tell me about the Indo-Europeans who lived
on the Eastern shore were scattered into the Middle East and told of the
Great Flood that flooded their world?

Tell me about all of that before you say before your god came before them.

 

all i kno, is that i have personaly experienced his presence, and i kno, its a gut feeling, its faith, just as u have faith in watever it is u beleive in, i do not beleive in anything that says that God is only how many ever years old, it is bran cramping to think of how old he is, because the number does not exist, it is apart of wats in my heart, and he speaks to me, thats how i kno, i have felt him, i have seen him work in my life and the people around me, i have faith, and i think thats all that matters just as u have faith in wat u beleive, u have historical things to back urs up, i have my heart, and the word, and thats all i need

 

Well, i am done. Eventually, after a long while granted, my knowledge will
run out, but apparently you will spout ignorance forever.

So i am done.

Sheep.