OK where to start is this some kind of will or some thing well to sum things up. Brian M Jones is moving back to Mobile Alabama and that just sucks! I know unnecessary words and dyslexic nothing better than that. It's 2:03 AM and that's how things have been for some time. So some thing good is that Brian thinks that there are pictures of his teeth marks on Micheal Freedom Bear's face. I told him that a nabor in florida had alerted DHR in Fort Myers when he bit Micheal and They took pictures of every thing and had them on file. So I hope that will keep him at bay until I can figure some thing out. I'm going to get in tuch with the local DHR tomorrow and I hope something works out. I wake up so very early just thinking Brian is out there some where just getting himself ready. I will run again if that's what I need to do just to keep Micheal safe. A another good thing is that Brian has never put his name on Micheals birth certificate. He told me he never has the time I even took him down there my self and Brian was being Brian he got so weird and he just wanted to leave and do it another day. My first husband put his name on it when Micheal was born. My life sounds like a soap. When I married my first husband I thought that was hell he left so many bruises that I think it bruised my soul. He always told me that no one would believe me well some one took pictures and there they were. I left him and moved to mobile. Very soon after Brian and I started seeing each other he asked if I would move to Texas with him and I thought that would be grate getting away from my ex and all his drugs exc. I don't care to remember that much so. When Brian and I were getting ready to move I found out that I was pregnant. So I told him he told me he was happy. We moved and I started to see an local Doc and he was nothing more than a local quack. He told me that I was earlier than I was and put that the pregnancy starter the last time My ex had a chance to attack me. I told Brian and he told me to do what ever I wanted to do. He told me I could stay but I soon realized that he was so into drugs that he would have never made a good father. So I left went back to Mobile and stayed with my mom for a bit. She had a boyfriend at the time and it was not working out with me there. I started looking for a place to live but things started to fall apart. My ex had found out and came and took me to his new house there were room mates there so I felt a little safe. He gave me a room and a car to use. I got another doctor and he also put the due date for my ex to be the father. So all hell broke loose again with ex. I started to see a therapist in Pensacola. He even told me to leave him move out so with working at a pasta factory livening there I started to look for other options and I found one. I was to move in to a place that CSS told me was good I was to stay there for two years and then they would help me start new. That was my plan I moved in with my mom for a bit and every one had an idea they all sucked . I never had a chance to think ex wanted me to give him up for adoption and some family wanted him. Then my mother wanted to rise him and you can see how good I turned out. So the only thing I could do was to check my self in to a 24 hour ward so I could think and get the hell away from every one. When I went back to my moms I told theme that I was going to do the thing with CSS. How I wish that's what happened. My sister thought I should move in with her and her boyfriend wanted it also. With every one bombarding me with adoption and the such I told me yes. Mean wile I had started seeing another Doc on this side if the bay. He told me what has going on that both my last two doctors were cracks and he could not get a strait answer or much paper work from them. He told my that I was not that far along and we would play things by ear. He had my coming in one or twice a week just to be safe. I called Brian to let him know and he never told me much I told him that there would be a blood test. Mean wile I was living at my sisters house EX would stop by every once in a wile. I even got to sell some art. I had Micheal and the control freak of an EX came we were still married by state law. He saw Micheals birth and was there when I was signing the paper work. I was so doped up from giving birth he had me sign what he wanted me to and that's how the name Morgan Asher Johnson appeared on the birth certificate with William Bradley Johnson as the father. Thing is Brian was in town that day. EX came by a few times and we had the blood test asap. At two months I had the results called Brian and at three months he came to see him. At 4 months he had us to come and visit him in New Hampshire. He moved to Florida and for Christmas he wanted us to visit. He was being ok as it goes for Brian. Then he wanted us to move in with him. I thought being a stay at home mom and if he wanted to be a good father that would be good. Well I found an apartment we all moved in we had a room mate a couple of times but things went south very quick when Michel was a year and a half Brian bit him on the face It happened so fast that I had no idea he could do some thing like that. I starter to question every thing. All the bruises Micheal had gotten with Brian saying that Micheal had just fallen down. How stupid could I have been. When Micheal started to cry I thought he was just upset that Brian was going to work. I had sean Brian Lean over Micheal I had first thought Brian to have Kissed Micheal on the cheek his left cheek. When Brian went out the door Micheal continued to cry and it sounded more like a hurt cry so I went over to see what was wrong. His cheek was red and as I started to look closer I saw red bumps that looked a lot like teeth marks. So I called Brian on his cell he answered very casually I told me Hi what are you doing and he told me just working and I told him that Micheals face was red on his left cheek and it looked like teeth marks. Then I asked If he had bitten him on the face he answered yes. There was no apologies nothing.I hung up and started to think what to do It took me a few days to get the guts to leave. That day he came home and the days fallowing I tried to get Brian to go to therapy and all fo us to go to family therapy. Nothing worked he clamed there was nothing wrong with what he did and he had dun it as punishment to teach Micheal. To teach Micheal what I will never know. He told me I did not punish Micheal enough. Do keep in mind as this being a horrible thing Micheal was only 18 months old. I don't know why did not call some one for help? Stupidity is the only answer I should have put Brian in some ware. He should have served time of some sort. So the story goes I left one day when he went to work. He took the car from me it was in his name and his ex. I started to work and wooden ya know it he told me he changed that he got some help and no more drug's. So we went back for a visit thanksgiving. He was doing so well hard working lots of time for family no drugs. We moved back and then came Cody the room mate. Brian had already quit his job making good money his parents were paying all the bills and he started to do drugs again it starter if mild then to hell it went. He and some friends found some work a few hours away and they moved in with each other He left Micheal and I south. Life was fine because it was just me and Micheal going to the beach every day and eating healthy life was good and then he told me I have a good job offer in Oklahoma. That's where Cody is from. A good job in OK so with not much of a choice we were off to OK but first we move in with his parents in Magnolia Arkansas. My sister is pregnant so a trip is planed to visit soon. He asked me to mary him. Yes I know what your thinking shear stupidity. We get married in Magnolia and a few days he moves to OK to find us a home a month later or so we move but not before My sisters little girl is born Micheal and I go for a week. I should have stayed. We go back to Magnolia then to OK. THE HOUSE FROM HELL there is vomit in the carpet on the walls food and it smells like crap. I CLEAN and clean exc. Brian is horable from the beginning and we just want to leave but I don't yet. I want to fix every thing yet even my church seas leave him now.So I save up some money and right for the right time I keep Micheal and I very busy. We ate early and went to bead early we were never home. Brian keep up his jackass ways threatening us and stupid I thought if I let him take his aggression out on me he would lean up on Micheal it worked for a bit but that faded. Then he brought a big time drug dealer home with one fo his girlfriends B and C were so excited to have him in there home. Then they started to do drugs in the same room as us. I had almost enough money saved and It was getting harder to do every day . He knew I wanted to leave and threatened me several times. I guess he did not realize that him bowing up at me would make me try to leave faster. Then he stopped working then he put a motor in the back if the truck. So I played like I was broken in and had nothing to do but weight on him on my belly. Cooked very big meals and slowly packed my bags. Till one day when the motor was finally out of the back of truck and he finally went back to work and like hell on fire I left Packed Micheal up he was so happy. I told him we were leaving Brian. Micheal told me" because he hurts me?" and I told me yes that I has going to keep him safe. All Micheal told me was go faster. We spent the night at a trucK stop and we hardly made it on the gas we had. To moms we went and hear we are now. Brian had one of his friends take the truck. So his parents let me use the old truck that broke down to often. Now I have My truck and soon I hope to have a better job and house across the bay. So with Brian moving to Mobile to very soon. I'm not sure what's to happen. I am strong!!!!!!!!!! Pacita Lynn Bear
down below is some thing from DAILY OM and its wonderful. Have you ever read something that feels like it was written just for you. Daily om usually hits the spot and gives me strength. My life is different in a good way and learning to be patient is a major part. I have been told so many times that I'm so patient but it takes more self reminding now that I'm older. Emptiness Becomes Openness Sometimes A Loss Can Be A Gain When we lose anything that we cherish, the sense of emptiness we are left behind with can be overwhelming. A space that was filled, whether in our lives or our hearts, is now a void, and the feelings of pain, loss, and separation can sometimes be difficult to bear. While it is always important to honor what we've lost, sometimes a loss can also represent a chance for a new beginning. When we are ready, the void left by a relationship, a job, or a dream can then be viewed as open space that can be filled with something new: new experiences, new knowledge, new job opportunities, new dreams, new people, and new ways to grow. There are many ways to weave the threads of loss into a blessing. If you've lost a job or ended a relationship, your first thoughts may revolve around filling the void with a similar job or the same kind of relationship. Try not to rush into anything just to fill up the emptiness. The loss of a job can free you up to explore new opportunities, especially if you've outgrown the old one. Likewise, the loss of a relationship can give you a chance to rediscover your own interests, explore new passions, and meet different people. If seeking the good in what seems like a bad situation makes you feel uncomfortable, then try to remember that you are not devaluing what you've lost or replacing it cold-heartedly. You are surrendering to the fact that, in life, we sometimes have to let go and allow for what is new to enter into the open spaces created by our losses. In doing so, you are honoring what has left you and welcoming the new into your life with open space, an open mind, and an open heart.
I am a woman I am strong, peaceful, tender, honest, seeking, loving everything and everyone. I have grown and leaned many lessons and I'm sure there are plenty more to come. I'm open yet I have to be more observant of my life and situations to keep my self safe. I want love just like anyone. I have wonderful dreams of now and what may be. I hope and pray every day for love and peace.
