Need some input from women, especially age 18-25...

I am wondering something. I just got dumped by yet another girl that I wanted to be with, and she left me for her ex. He is a bastard that hurt her badly, and brought her down very much. SHe hated him and was happy with me, I was happy with her. She asked me to marry her, and then two weeks later she went back to him! Every girl I ever dated seriously has left me for a guy that treated her like shit, and was quickly hurt by him. Why do girls do this? Am I doing something wrong?

**Edited- I was really pissed off when I wrote this post first and have since calmed down and made it clearer the question and situation.**

 

Anyone, anyone at all. Can you explain why this happens to me? WHat is wrong with me or women?

 

uh...you might get answers if you summarize that a bit more...

 

I just want to know why the girls I grow to love leave me for complete assholes that pull them down! It makes no sense at all. Am I too nice? I have never done anything wrong.

 

I don't want to sound rude, and this is only my assumption...but from the parts I read...it seemed like you maybe think that your relationships are better than they actually are.

 

MAybe so... I don't know. I have seen others in relationships, and they do the same things we do. I just want to know why so many girls date guys that don't treat them right and/or abuse, cheat, neglect, bring down, etc. I can't be doing too much wrong, my ex asked me to marry her, and wanted us to be close as possible.

 

hmm...this whole story seems inconsistent. But no body really knows why people get into "bad" relationships but most theorys are centered around a person trying to reconcile something from their childhood. Most girls (and guys) have had some sort of sexual trauma in their child hood...some move on quickly others don't. I'd worry more about finding the right person, then why girls are leaving you. You're pretty young and you say that you've been in many relationships that would have ended in marriage had they lasted...these couldn't have been very long relationships...

 

Maybe I should rewrite this into a clearer form, I was pissed and blind with depression at time of posting. I am having a very hard time right now. I meant that the girls I am with are carefully considered, I know that they are people I could be married to.

 

I may get flamed for this, but what you think you want at 19 can be very different from what you want 5 years later. I really wouldn't be worrying about marriage-worthy women just yet. Chances are, they think they are ready to get married, but once it actually dawns on them what being married entails, they bolt. Often times, young women are drawn to the "jerk" because they like the excitement it brings. USUALLY, they grow out of it. So, just try to relax and have fun-and you're really after a super-serious relationship, maybe look for someone a bit older.

 

I'm gonna bet that if you think you've been in so many so-called solid relationships with so many women who were really serious about the relationship (wanted to marry you, etc.) at only NINETEEN then you're either putting us on or you've been picking your girlfriends with really horrible judgment.

What girl who is not stupid or senseless or desperate is going to proclaim that she wants to marry a nineteen-year-old guy? That alone calls her judgment into question. Not to knock 19-year-olds, but what do they offer a girl in the way of marriage? This is not 1958. A 19-y-o has not been to college, will not be able to provide for a wife or family unless he's like a hugely popular artist or musician or lottery-winner or something. He hasn't even really developed into a man by that point (and I'm even honest enough to say neither had *I* by 19).

Either you're really weird and a lot of normal girls are rejecting you for it, or the girls are really weird and you picked some bad ones. Just how many times have you been through this by the wise old age of 19, anyway? How much influence do drugs and alcohol have on your life or on these relationships?

-Jeffrey

 

Well, I already have one degree and am working on my second. For the most part, I support myself and my dad, with interest off of investments, real estate, and my business. I have always been a worker. I have been "grown up" since about 15. I am just ready to grow up. I am going to be ready for a family in about two years, and the girl thatjust left me seemed ready too, but I suppose not.I am not a heavy drug user, I do dabble a little, but nothing very serious. The drugs I use are part of my quest tounderstand the human psyche. I only drink socially. I do not date drug users. I am not a normal person at all, but I have many friends, both male and female.

 

Age has nothing to do with it. So to all of you who would blow this guy's feelings off as nothing important need to remember that you were young once, and at least try to remember the emotions you felt like them. People grow and change, but that doesn't mean they get more emotional as they gey older.

Anyway, you gotta understand how women work. You said that your ex girlfriend claimed she hated her ex....I think we all have made this claim at least once in our lives, but that doesn't mean it's true. Most of the time I think people use "hate" to try to mask the pain and to try not to seem like we're hurting. You can't be hurt inside by someone you hate, right?

Secondly, if she had just come out of the relationship she probably was putting on a front for you. It's hard to just give up on a relationship that you've put so much time and effort into, no matter how badly you might have been treated. As bad as it might sound, you were probably just a shoulder to cry on, maybe a selfish indulgence on her part.

My advise.....stay away from the girls who are getting out of bad relationships. If a girl stays with a guy long enough to allow him to beat on her and be mean to her, then it probably wouldn't take much sweet talk on his part to get her to come back.

 

I finally was able to talk with her tonight, and she had much to say. She told me she wasn't very happy back with him, that she was having to be really paranoid and keeping him wrapped around her fingers so she could trust him. She told me she got things figured out about us. When I am okay enough to hang around her again, we will still be friends, and see what happens a day at a time. According to her and her friend, she isn't going to stay with him long at this rate. I am just going to be patient, live my life, and be there for her but make sure to keep a straight head and not get used. It will all work out in the end. Thanks for everyone's help, even the practical nonhelp of some users. You must at least have put thought into your posts if you did, so thanks.

 

You're mature for your age. Try to find a girl who is mature and shares some of your interests. I agree with the other poster that it's not always good to date someone who is coming off a bad relationship. They need some time to think about things. They may initially see you as a solution to their relationship problem, even if you don't match their needs, but will later drop you.

I wouldn't pay attention to snide remarks by other guys who are older than you. There are guys in their 30s who don't have a degree like you do, who have cheap jobs, aren't as mature as you are, and never had a family. They are still trying to flirt with 19 year olds instead of people their own age. They are jealous that they are no longer 19 and beyond the age where it would be considered normal to date a 19 year old. They are just taking out their frustrations on you.

 

It may actually have nothing to do with you, but more with the girls you choose to date. IE: a woman who has been in an abusive relationship tends to be in more than just one in her lifetime. It’s like she’s a magnet for assholes. And YOU, being the nice guy, are the type these girls will run to when they decide they need to be treated better. However for some fucked up reason they miss being smacked around (mentally or physically, whatever the case). So what would I suggest…? Find a girl that has a strong sense of self, good self-esteem, and knows that she deserves to be treated well by a nice guy. You’ll find the right one sooner or later.

 

i heard girls want a sensitive bastard. some one who will nurture them wen things are down and ignore them every now and them. or something like that

 

she sound like she doesnt even know what she wants
dont let girls take advantage of you. my poor brother is still hung up on the same girl, and she only calls him on his payday. i think it real shitty how some girls treat guys (and viceversa). i think that you need to do some soul searching man. find yourself and be happy with YOU. then you can start to figure out crazy bitches.

 

i use to always date guys that treated me bad, and wish that someone would come along and be nice to me.
then it happened and i went through some crazy ass withdrawels or something, and kept trying to leave the perfect relationship, for an asshole. but he never lets me break up with him, thank god i guess.
i dont know what it is, mabe cause girls are longing for someone like there father????? i hate my dad. he is an ass. and come to think of it, so are all my exes!!!????????