if god is real then why the fuck dosnt he talk to me. i have tried so many fucking times and asked him to save me so many times and he dosnt even answer. and i dont like adam. he was just some fucker that fucked around. i dont hate him but i dont like him either. i wish that i could just stop thinking about that asshole seriously its not that i think about him i think about what could have happened and i guess im just mad at myself for a chance i didnt take. i didnt know what to do with him. we didnt even go out and i liked him so much, he was the one to come up to me. i didnt even like him then. he was the on to say oh i like her. i dont know why i liked him so much. he wasnt that great, i guess its just the fact that everyone else likes him . ahhh i dont even care anymore he was worthless, and if i had gone out with him then it would have been way worse when we broke up. its not so much that i want him, its just i want a boyfriend, like i just want someone to love. thats all i need i just need someone to love. and im 16 years old. 16. fuck. i dont want a fling. i want a relationship. i see all these guys saying that they want this girl to be in an actual relationship with them and the girls dont want to be. well i want to be. helloooooo. am i just so fucking ugly that no one wants me. i feel that way. i feel like i just tell myself that i look good and to everyone else im ugly. and those people who tell me im not are fucking liars. i dont even have real friends. i have no one that i can just talk to. so i fucking type it out. its saturday night. and this is what im doing. i could be at ashleys partying but im apparantly grounded which is just an excuse my mother is using to keep me inside. she just wants me to be fucking some fucking good little girl and stay inside. well im not. i just pretend to everyone that im something and im so sick of it. i lie all the fucking time. i lie to everyone. and i hate lying. but i just do it. god i have so many problems. i cant even list them all. theres so fucking many. sometimes i want to die. when i walk across the street i wished that a car would hit me. maby that car will hit me and i'll fucking die. is that not fucking scary. and im so mad at my mother. she tries to protect me so much and i hate it. im nearly done. maby im crazy. or maby ive just fried my brain too many times. i dont even know what i want right now. everybody thinks that i have a really good life and i just go along with that when really im screaming inside. whenever i try to tell anyone anything it just turns into something about them and it always ends with me listening to someone elses problems and comforting them. i dont even tell my friends everything about me, not one person knows who i really am. not even my mother. and this is my fault too. i have so many chances to do things right and its just my fault that i dont take them. if you read all this then thats pretty fucked because i havent talked about anyone of these subjects before. fuck this is what happens when im sober and by myself. i think too much, except this is what i think about all the time, basically. blah fucking blah. i need a joint. i can go on but i'll stop now. thanks for reading this and if you respond thanks for that too.
Yeash can't belive noone responed. Yeah pain, no friends, that really sucks. So what are you going to do?
Wow...well, i didnt get time to read it all, but believe i got the jist of it. You seem to WANT a lot. Like youre desperately grabbing outwards for something to hold onto. Someone to love you, a God, a relationship...ive been through this kind of period too. Sooner or later you realise that blindly groping in the darkness for things that may or may not exist is futile. Often what were looking for is not on the outside at all, but rather within ourselves. The surest way to find God, ive found, is just to look inside yourself. Talk to yourself, ask yourself how youre feeling, what you believe in, what you like and dislike. Build on your own personality. It will take a long time, a lot of patience and discipline, but will be worth it...as when youve developed as a person, are sure and confident in yourself, have interests and hobbies and are healthy and happy and successful...people will come to you. Theyll be attracted to you, youll get relationships. Simply because people generally want to better themselves. They want healthy friends who will help them grow, not bring them down. Then you will be able to teach people, care for people, and see every day for the blessing it is. THEN, you will be in contact with God. Youll have a purpose and a goal. But i stress again that wanting things to come to you without doing a lot of work on yourself probably wont work. Will just make you even more depressed, people will see this and avoid you through fear of sinking with you, and so itll get worse, and go on, and on. You need to stand now and say "I want to change things in my life. The only way i can do this is to work from the inside out, work on myself, make myself attractive to others and to myself." That should work. Best of luck to you. Love-Maxi.Xx
I killed god in a dream thirteen years after disavowing his existence. I realized as a child that god in the helpful miraculous sence is a lie, and instead we get a pissy god who casts "unbeleivers" aside, fails to protect his flock, and wants americans to kill people in the name of oil. You're better off without a god if that's the one you see.
I cant help thinking that having no God at all risks leaving the world looking even bleaker, meaningless and worthless. It leaves a kind of emptiness. I find that what helps is to remember that God is not some guy protecting us, looking out for us, giving us chances and opportunities and illnesses and weaknesses. God is something that we work WITH. Its an equal relationship. We play our part, God plays his/hers/its. Looking at the world it seems obvious to me that there IS some kind of higher force, or several higher forces at work. There IS a grand plan. This is all structured, full of intense meaning we are not yet ready to fully comprehend. But looking around at the ills of the world a huge majority of them were caused and can be fixed by us and us alone. Xx
God doesn't exist. (That's a statement of observation.) I, on the other hand, have found more meaning, beauty, fullness, and wonder in a world without God. The realization that the beauty of all things is that it must all come to an end. How boring do you think it must be to experience a limited number of experiences, if you must live forever? If each of us lived for eternity, and had spirits, then, EVENTUALLY, even if it took a googleplex upon a googleplex of years, we would have lived every single possible moment. Because no God exists, you say "what meaning is there in life?" and yet, every day, whether or not God exists, we find meaning in even the simplest of things. Meaning exists. Purpose exists. Beauty, fullness, wonder, THESE THINGS ALL EXIST regardless of whether or not there is a God. God is just a convenient way of explaining the existance of the unexplained. There is nothing left to wonder if God is the answer to all questions. There is no such thing as beauty in completeness of a single thing; rather, there is beauty in contrast between two things. Pure good with no evil is not beauty. Nor is pure evil with no good. But a balance and harmony between the two ... THAT is true beauty. Just because there may be no Fate to decide what purpose your life has, does not make you any less capable of deciding what purpose your life has. Even looking at the world from a deterministic viewpoint ... where "free will" does not exist and where we are doomed to carry out the only future there is ... That does not make you any less of what we call a person. You do not lack any elements which define "you." That does not make life less beautiful, or less wondrous, or less intriguing ... (My thoughts.)
I don't know where to start..Ok, uhh.Maybe it ain't that God isn't listening,maybe it's you who aint listening to it.. There is some kind of force out there,but whether you choose to believe it or not is how it turns out to be for you.And nobody can say there is a God or there aint for you,you have to make that decision for yourself;and only in that belief will it be true for only you. Ok, now,I'm trying to think of a way to explain this with clarity. Lets see.. How you think and how you act,will be how your little (or big) world will be created. You are the creator of your own world.If you think badly all of the time,and you hate everything,and your life sucks and everything is wrong and gets worse and there is no light or goodness,then that is how everything for you will keep being. Negativity attracts negativity..On the other hand,positivity attracts positivity.If you appreciate things that you have,food,shelter, how some people on earth are so unfortunate that they do not have these necessities...And your mother, even though you hate her at least you have a mother.By her grounding you shows that she cares..If she didnt care she wouldn't care whether you was livin' or dead,therefore not grounding you. Now,if you want a man to love..I suggest you wish for that.There is something called 'the creation box'. that works wonders and is serious business.Try to google this: ' creation box manifestation '. And click on the first link..'abrahamjournal.com' That will show you some things on creating a lover for yourself.If you have questions on this pm me a message.. As for you having friends but them not listening..Well,ask yourself this question. 'Do my friends make me a better person?' Go through each friend,and ask yourself that question..There are 2 answers,yes or no.If the answer is no simply get new friends that are better for you.NOTEHaving a good friend does not require someone to accompany on limited occasions to go browsing through a mall with) About the lying. Lying is a very,very bad thing.We learn not to lie when we're like 4 or 5 and it should be kept that way.Lying is betraying people,it is a form of hurting someone.The worst thing one can do is hurt someone. And it just rarely feels good,right?So why lie? Maybe take responsibility for your actions..Tell the truth. Honesty is best. What fine man would want a gal who lied anyway? My advice to you is: Find things even little little things such as the sun is shining,or how something looks beautiful ,(even a cute guy)to appreciate.. Find the good in as many things as you can. Laugh. Be happy,laugh at things,be in bliss. Be as positive as you can and your life will be better and positive.There is light,there is a force that is listening to you, just listen to it.Be in-tune. Even if you absolutely hate the way you look,find one just one little thing that you like about yourself.'oh i hate myself' 'but i have nice hair' like that.. Because let me tell you somethin' darlin..The way you see yourself is the way others see you.So if you want people to think you're ugly,go right ahead.. That's about all I can reach in and pull out a my head for now.. Hope I helped..
Last time I felt a bit like that was during the year or so I spent as an agnostic, looking for the belief that I oculd believe in. I read the Tao Te Ching and the feeling went away...I'd say you should do the same
I definatley know what you mean about it seeming VERY obvious something greater is at work, in many many ways. You seem cool, and I enjoyed your kind words to this person who needed them : ) As to the person above, you just have to learn to play life better. Pay attention, learn from these experiences and see how you could do better next time and be ready. Like with your boyfriend for example, what is that bothers you so much about him? Was he just playing mind games with you and not seeking a true relationship filled with love and openness? Were YOU just playing mind games and not seeking true love and openness? We can go through our whole loves never learning these lessons and starting on this path, and experience a whole heapin load of remorse I imagine. So start now, while your young... You sound a little behind, but not to worry, your not alone. MANY people are behind in learning life lessons in this world, and you still have a lot more opprotunity than most people. Take advantage of it. Do you like to create anything? Write, draw, paint, play music, drum or anything? Doing these things are often what makes me feel most close to God. Sometimes when I cry too, and just let my pain wash over me and surrender to it, I feel like God is RIGHT there with me every step of the way. I also feel like after I surrender and sacrafice, I'm blessed and my prayers are answered in a way. My life isnt changed entirely, because that would be wayy too much divine intervention and things are not supposed to work that way. It breaks the flow and greater plan of things, but I think if you continue to seek him out in every way, with nothing but a wish for TRUTH and love in your heart, you'll definatley find a little something somewhere that you had no idea ever existed that's been with you the whole way. And remember...God sets the most beautiful table for the person who has ate from the most dumpsters : ) So in a way, your luckier than a lot of people who appear to be happy and fulfilled. Your NOT happy, and you REALIZE it, which puts you in a position to go to a lot deeper into yourself and truly open up, cuz theres a lot of stuff this life will teach you and drop into you when your ready and learned. Unhappiness can help you a lot with this, to experience, learn, and love a lot more truly.
The world is a bleak and horrid place, and the god i killed in myu dream was the progenitor of this place. We have in our power the abillity to help ourselves and others, that;'s the souce of my optomism. That said IF there is a god, why would a god want to talk to an ant?
There may be someone or something behind the curtain doing the movements. If there is, I just hope she/it/he does not stop cranking. In the mean time, I just try to live my version of a good life. If a person finds five or six real friends in a lifetime they are lucky. We all have that little voice in our heads that tells us that we are not as good as other people - it is just that most people lie about it No one is going to show up to grade your life. You are the only one who gets a vote. Not your parents or your friends. Cut yourself some slack. Everyone will tell you that if you just wait it will get better - that is not true - if you work on the story that you tell yourself about who you are - then it will get better. Talk to as many people as you can - here and other places. Anyone might give you a brick that you can use to build the wall of your life. I hope some of this makes sense.
