It's *over*

last night my boyfriend of many years finally told me that he just wanted to be friends. nothing more. this is super hard for me since i've been with him since i was 14. im extremely sad, angry, and revengeful right now. i could see it coming for a while, we havent had sex in years, and he's been so distant,he wouldn't even touch me. last night was the first time i saw/spoke to him in a month. i've had alot of my own issues to deal with right now, mostly drug problems. i guess we've been moving apart, and he wants to make it easier for when i go to college. I've been so sexually frusterated, but have controlled myself to not being with any other guys. girls are a different story, but that was ok in our relationship, as long as it wasn't anything serious. its just so hard to fathom that he won't be in my life like that anymore, i spent all my highschool years with him, and now its over. he also did this at a really low point in my life right now. i dont understand how he's dealing with it so well, and i'm a mess. i know im a romantic, and he was never much of one. but when he turned 21 he started going out with his friends to bars more, and of course i couldn't come. he thinks he's more mature than me but he's really not. he doesn't know how to be a good boyfriend or a lover, he just led me on. last night he kept moving away from me when i started to hug him- things changed so much from a month or 2 ago. now theres barely any contact...i cant even imagine never kissing him again. is it fucked up of me to want to get him drunk enough that he'll stop supressing his feelings? i dont even know if i can be friends with him, with this attraction still between us. he said the attraction was still there, but not like it was before. that really upsets me because i always loved him, and i think i still do, but not as much since he really started treating me like shit. who knows if i'll ever find someone else...someone more like me. i thought he was the one. but i'm always wrong.

 

Damn, I'm sory to hear this mama. A big virtual hug is about all I can offer you.


Breakups are one of the hardest things in life to endure. When you really love someone, that fucked up, empty feeling never seems to go away completely. (at least that is my experience)

I wish I could give you some grand wisdom or enlightening words right now, but I'm afraid I don't know any. You know you have people on the forums who are willing to talk, listen or do what we can though.

I do know this...you're smart, very talented in your art, and extremely beautiful. You have all these things to offer...you'll be ok.

Well, I hope this helps a little.

Peace, mama.

 

Too bad nobody on the forums likes you... or you might have a waiting list for hook-ups or something...

heh... So, seriously... how long is the waiting list?

 

awww thats not good - but im sure you can get over this and move on and be happy

 

it really sounds like it was for the best. even though it hurts right now, it'll get better i promise. (time really does heal) *bighug* have you considered getting help for your other problems? i think it would be wise to do so

 

I am so sorry to hear :-((( *huuuugs*


But the just friends thing, try to not see him for a while. To develop a friendship out of a relationship is pretty difficult, an imho often an excuse for not making a complete cut. However it is not impossible, just difficult.

 

I know from what little time that I have been on this forum that there are many here who like and respect you. Someone who can engender that in so many others will not be alone for long. I myself have never seen a relationship that only one member was trying to resurrect work out. However, I am sure there is more and better advice coming to you from the folks who know you better. I send you my hopes and my good wishes.

 

thanks guys. yea its a really fucked up situation, i guess i'm a dreamer and never really prepared for it. it was the only "happy", non abusive relationship i've ever had, and its gone. Tigerlily, i've tried to get help for the other stuff, but it doesn't really do much good. i need to do it myself, straighten myself out. alot of the problems got worse with this breakup. i know there are people who would date me, it's just that i don't knwo if i want that. sometimes i feel vulnerable and with my bf i didnt feel that way. i'm basically in denial about this

 

It'll hurt for a long time, but the bottom line is that you're actually lucky to be rid of the unappreciative guy. You deserve someone better, and you really shouldn't want to get tied down in high school or early in college. You have a great heart, and great things will happen for you in the future. Hang in there, mama.

 

ok first off i offer my appologies and my hug. second off ive been in two different 2-year relationships and both were hard to get out of. friends after a relationship that long is non-existent, dont bother hanging out with him or calling him or checking his email or anything, if you want it to be the easiest on you break off all contact and i mean ALL contact, erase him from your phone from your messenger list and ask him to cut all contact with you. the more you see each other and the more contact you have the more the feelings will stir inside you and it will be harder on your feelings and emotions. then, put yourself around as many other people as you can, go to parties go to the mall with friends looking for other guys, i understand you dont want another realtionship right now but "nothing helps you get over the last like the next." remember that. third, get rid of anything that reminds you of him, if you have a certain perfume that reminds you of him use it and a lighter to torch that christmas sweater you got from him last year. everthing that reminds you of him will continue doing so until you get rid of it. last off and most importantly think of it this way........6 BILLION people in the world lets say half are men and half are women. that leaves 3 BILLION men left for you to discover and get to know. now dont you think that out of 3 BILLION guys out there you can find one more that makes you happy. people have told me that there is one girl out there that is my true love, FUCK THAT there are bound to be 20,000 girls out there that are my true love. your waaaayyyy too young to be trippin over one dude that didnt really even make you happy and there are waaaayyyy too many dudes out there for you to meet. i know it will take time but just try my advice it will help i promise.

good luck
Tweek

 

thansk for the advice, but i think its impossible for me to forget him. he wants me in his life and i want him in mine (but in a different way). theres too much that connects us to forget about each other. i guess i'll just have to work on supressing my feelings when i see him, like he does with me

 

Sorry for your loss, GM. Been there many times. It's tough but you will get through this.

Take it from one who knows all to well, suppressing your feelings is very unhealthy. If you can't see him without going to pieces, then don't see him. Spend some time with YOU. Deal with your issues and when you're ready you will move on. And do yourself a favor. Don't rebound. It ALWAYS ends badly.

 

I wouldn't be so sure of that...

 

we've been on a break for the last month, not seeing each other. i was hopeful that all would be well when we got back together, maybe some kissing and snuggling. well i was wrong. he was so distant, barely looked at me. acted like i didn't exist when we were with our friends. i've been dealing with my issues enough. and he supresses his feelings for me he said, but im more outward- which needs to stop

 

The pains of love and heartbreak, how well I know thee. Never give up. You seem like a wonderful person. I'm sure you will find someone that you connect with (and most likely in the strangest of places).

*sending my best wishes*

 

Most peeps didnt seem to read this (about ur experience with abusive relatoinships) ... I can understand... you're doin the right thing by taking time off from sexual/romantic relationships to deal with your other issues - and try and break out of old patterns. Everytime I went back in on the rebound was more or less unsatisfactory. Take care.

 

anyway breakups may seem at the time the overwhelming event ....but retrospectily they are almost always seen as the mile marker #1 on the highway of better stuff .

 

hey sorry to hear that.... breaking up is never an easy thing to get through, and the only shoulder you want to cry on, is no longer there for you. it sucks. I wish there was more I could say/do for you. but I do wish you luck and if you need to talk im here.

 

Sorry to hear that, gruven. The way I see it, he just didn't know any better. If he was suppressing his feelings from you, then I say he was the one with issues. I also noticed a subtle case of age discrimination when he began acting like he was more mature than you were because he'd turned 21, and preferring to go to bars with his buddies over spending some quality time with you knowing you couldn't get into bars. You're right, he's not being mature with the kind of mentality he's got.

I say let your sorrow out for a while. You can't deny it, and you can't keep it bottled inside you. I don't think you even need to "forget" about him, per se. He obviously meant(or means) so much to you, so simply forgetting about him doesn't really sound like a sensible plan, anyway. The good thing is that you now know there are guys out there who aren't "abusive", as you put it, and that you're a little more knowledgeable in choosing the right partner for yourself. It's ok, not everything that's come out of it is negative.

As for your other situations, I say don't give up. From my understanding, it also helps greatly when your self confidence has been boosted. I think we fellow Hip Forums members can do our part in helping you raise your self confidence, so remember you're loved, admired, and appreciated here. Hopefully that will help you improve your situations, or at least keep you motivated enough.

Peace, love, and the groove...

 

thanks so much for the kynd words and good advice.

AT- yea he acted like he was more mature because he was 21, but in my opinion and the opnion of many others, i'm the mature one and he's immature and inexperienced in relationships. hopefully i can get over him and move on