What to do if boyfriend doesnt seem ambitious or supportive...?

OK I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs. Our relationship is alot better than it was the first 6 months. We both have our own issues, as do most people...and we have compromised and worked through alot. One thing is we are opposite in almost every way....and we have a hard time understanding each other. Well, but we love each other...and that should be enough, right??

When do you answer that question with a "no"?
I have gone through times where I feel we can make it and have a future...then find myself feeling the exact opposite due to an argument we have or a new problem we are facing. Heres my problem, I have a pretty good knowing of what I want outta life and how to get there. It seems for himself...hes just fumbling around...with a kinda "whatever happens, happens" attitude...and I cannot stand it! Is it too much to ask for him to be ambitious about the future or his life? well maybe....but what about mine? When I have brought up possible new jobs he points out the bad things and says things like "this and this will happen....you wouldnt be able to handle it." When I come to him with excitment and confidence in myself he just shoots it down. When I brought up a possible career choice I wanted to go for he didn't agree and pointed out all the things about it he thought I couldn't handle. I am almost 24 and am at that point where I don't know for sure what career I want....I have a few ideas, I just need to pick one. Well I was talking to him about it....looking for any kind of support and even asked him what he thought...and got dead silence then in a bored sorta tone "Whatever you wanna do"...then when he realized I was put off by his answer he says "well....what? what else do you want me to say...theres nothing for me to say". Then he pretty much said school is not an option for him. Yet he really has no goals.....and he wants a future with me (kids and all)....what, with me bringing most of the money? Seriously...I know all this is a long way off....but his attitude is a major downer.

He simply has no interest in my plans or goals let alone his own. How can I remain with someone like this and be optimistic and motivated?? I can't make him go to school...can I even bring up that I wish he would have more ambition...would it make a difference? I feel like when I do get into school full time...he will bring me down, or complain that we never see each other and its gonna get ugly. Can love survive stuff like this, or is it best to let go?

 

I had this exact same problem. Im extermemly ambitious, i wouldnt settle for a 9-5 job and a flat above a shop. I told him this. He said he just had no desire for any other kind of life. I left him.

But then, he was just stubborn. I do believe that love can conquer anything, as long as love on both sides is equal. If he loves you enough, you should be able to sit him down and have the talk i had. Only, instead of him just completely refusing to see things from your perspective, you should be able to compromise.

But whatever you do...do NOT settle for less than you feel you can achieve. I know plenty of couples who have worked through this-one has gone through college/uni and got a good career and the other has a lower paid job, but both are happy. And if he loves you, he wouldnt WANT to hold you back...and im sure he doesnt. I also know lots of women who settled for less, and now really regret it.

Anyway nows the time to talk i think. Dont just let things happen. Take this into your own hands. Ask yourself exactly what you want from life and tell him which direction youre going in. Hopefully hell be there to support you all the way.

Xx

 

Love cannot conquer all. It cannot make your boyfriend go to school, or find a direction in his life, or become supportive of your own goals. What does love do when pressed to perform these things? It becomes resentment, and is no longer love.

You are in a relationship with a slacker. He may change, he may not. If the direction of his life bothers you so much, leave him. If you choose to stay, you should find a way to tell him that while he may not want to go to school or go someplace with his life, he should realise that his pessimistic opinion of what you do with your life hurts. I doubt he sees it this way.... in fact, sounds like depression....

 

You should accept him the way he is. He is just that kind of person, and if you try, you can be happy with him

 

this sounds exactly like me and my boyfriend, and like you, i am seeking answers

 

Fucking bravo!! [claps hands] Good to know I am not alone in this twisted up world.

Um, help him? Wouldn't it be gratifying knowing you helped someone get their shit together which in turn would make the relationship stronger? No, you want the complete package already put-together. You are actually exposing more about yourself with this piece than the person you are shitting on. Good luck finding the perfect "one".

This person had a rough upbringing and is very realistic about the world today. You should try to learn more about him. Dissect him, don't just quit. I think you'd be suprised at what makes people like him tick. I should know. haha