We should have an entire Bush Jokes subforum/thread. I'll start. I know it's sort of lame, but I don't know of any others at present: Bush is sitting in the Oval Office when one of his advisors comes into the room. "Mr. Bush," says the advisor. "I'm afraid a Brazilian has died in Iraq." Bush is obviously distressed. He puts in head in his hands. He sighs. He looks up at the advisor and says "Is a Brazilian more or less than a million?" Har. Har. Har. *waits for someone to come up with a better one*
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. President Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H President Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
Here's a joke Bush would tell: "What would you call the kid of Turkish and Kurd"?? Answer. A turd. stupid...
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed; 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed; 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb; 4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs; 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb; 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished, even though the socket has to be rewired before the light can be turned on; 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark; 8. One to viciously smear #7; 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along; 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country. http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushjoke.htm
Bush Quotes "What’s all this whining about the environment? They’re always talking about ‘stop the clearcuts.’ I mean do the math people. If we were out of trees then we wouldn’t have any clearcuts to be complaining about now would we?" - Regarding enviromental concerns "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas." - Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000 "We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." - Scranton, Pa., Sept. 6, 2000 "I'll give you an interesting idea that took place in Maine. They've got Maine lobstermen are now patrolling the coast on a volunteer basis to make sure that somebody in a -- somebody carrying something they don't want to carry in a boat shows up on the coast. I mean, there's all kinds of ways to serve the community." - Daytona Beach, FL, January 30, 2002. "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." - Dec. 21, 2001, the year of the terrorist attacks against the U.S. "And so one of the areas where I think the average Russian will realize that the stereotypes of America have changed is that it's a spirit of cooperation, not one-upmanship, that we now understand one plus one can equal three, as opposed to us and Russia we hope to be zero." - Crawford, TX, Nov. 15, 2001. "And there's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." - To labor department employees, Oct. 4, 2001. "This Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Reagan International Airport." - at a press conference, Oct. 2, 2001 "There's an old poster out West, as I recall, that said: 'Wanted, dead or alive.''' - regarding Osama bin Laden, Sept. 17, 2001 "I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt." - in a meeting with Senators Hillary Clinton and Charles Schumer, September 13, 2001. "Who cares what you think?" - to Philadelphia writer Bill Hangley, Jr.(Philly Tonite, Weekly Press) in response to Mr. Hangley's comment to Mr. Bush: "Mr. President, I hope you only serve four years. I'm very disappointed in your work so far." July 4, 2001 "A vampire is a - a - cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell phone." - At a Colorado Republican fund raising event, August 2001 "I can assure you Mr. Chairman, or I wish would be Mr. Chairman - should be Mr. Chairman, and will be Mr. Chairman after next 2002." - At an Albuquerque fund raising event for Pete Domenici, August, 2001 ''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right." - in Europe, July 22, 2001. See this Bush Senior quote. Our nation must come together to unite." - June 4, 2001 "You saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as they say in diplomatic nuanced circles." - in Europe, July 23, 2001 "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." - June 14, 2001, Press Conference "Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious - I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well." - June 4, 2001 "There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead." - May 11, 2001 "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' - February 21, 2001 "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well." - Jan. 29, 2001. "Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment." - New York Times, Jan. 14, 2001 "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." - New York Times, Jan. 14, 2001 "The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the house." - Des Moines Register debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000 "I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified." - on Linda Chavez, January 2001 The Golden Scary "The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law." - Austin, Texas, Nov. 22, 2000, Slate "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet." - Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000 "One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected." - Los Angeles, Sept. 27, 2000 "Those who cross the border illegally are in violation of the law" - El Paso, Texas, Nov. 29, 2005 http://politics.faxtoons.com/ http://www.dubyaspeak.com/freshdubya.phtml The Daily Show - with Jon Srewart Oh this is too easy, "Results 31 - 40 of about 19,400,000 for bush humor - 0.02 sec". We're making jokes about him practically as fast as he's spending our money. It would be funny I guess, if it wasn't all true :&
Seems a lot of the Capitol Hill gang might be reading "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Redundancy for Stupid Dummies". Referring to Bush's recent 'It's my party, I'll spy if I want to' program, James Bamford, author of two books on the NSA, was quoted as saying "Today, what Bush said is he went around the law, which is a violation of the law — which is illegal."
One day GW was visiting a 4th grade English class. The class was learning new words one which included the word tragedy. GW agreed to the teachers request to lead the discssion of the meaning of the word. "Ok kids" said GW "who can define the word tragedy?" " I can" said a little boy. "My daddy's a farmer and if my Uncle got off the" "tractor and left it running and it ran my daddy ove and killed him that would" be a tragedy." "Well not really" said GW "that would be an accident. Can anyone else define "the word tragedy.?" "I can" said a little girl." If a school bus ran of the road went through the guard rail and plunged into a 200 ft ravine that would be a tragedy." "Well my dear" said GW "that would be a great loss. Anyone else?" "Yes" said another boy. "If a missle hit Air Force One and killed you that would be a tragedy." "Why yes it would" said GW "Now tell me why it would be a tragedy?" "Well" said the boy with a smart-alec smirk on his face. "I'm betting it wouldn't" be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss either!"
One night while GW and Laura where sleeping soundly in the WHite House GW woke up to see the ghost of George Washington standing over him. "President Washington!" exclaimed GW "why are you here?" "To give you advice" replied President Washington. "Remember to never tell a lie and don't chop down any cherry trees." The next night GW awoke to see the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. "What advice do you have for me?" said GW "Respect the Constitution" replied Jefferson. The next night GW was visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "At last!" said GW "a fellow Republican! What advice do you have for me President Lincoln?" "Attend the Theater more often" said Lincoln. Disclaimer:This joke is NOT intended as a threat against the President nor does it constitute the advocacy of violent action against him nor anyone else.
U know........its really sad that with this current administration, you actually DO need to put a disclaimer...............im sure you've already made a "watch list" somewhere......shit im posting too............FUCK IMPERIALISM
This has been posted elsewhere, but try typing failure into the google websearch and hit 'i'm feeling lucky'
One day GW died and went to the gates of heaven. Saint Peter met him and told GW he could go to heaven of hell and that he was allowed visit both before he where he would stay. They took a tour of heaven. On the tour GW say smiling happy people singing playing harps and talking about many deep subjects. He saw Socrates and Plato discussing philosophy. He saw Sigmund Freud and Viktor Frankl discussing psychology. He say JFK and Lincoln but they just gave him a really mean look and Lincoln flipped him off. Well Petey said GW I can't sing, and philosophy and psychology hurt my head so I'd like to take a tour of Hell. Saint Peter snapped his fingers and Bush found himself I what looked like the middle of the suburbs. He saw endless streets lined with mansions,manicured lawns and huge SUVs in the driveways. The Devil walked up and asked GW if he liked what he saw. "Yes I do" replied GW. "I'd like to stay here." THe devil snapped his fingers. Immediately GW found himself chained to a redhot rock with flames licking around him and a demons poking him with pitchforks. "Hey Devil" shouted GW. "What happened to the mansions,manicured lawns and SUVs?" "That was my campaign" taunted the Devil, "now you have to put up with my administration!"
One day a tourist was strolling down the streets of San Francisco. He entered a gift shop and spotted a brass rat on the shelf. "How much for the brass rat"asked the tourist. "$25 for the rat $50 for the story behind it" said the clerk. "Forget the story" said the tourist "but I''ll buy the rat." The tourist handed the clerk his money and left the shop. The tourist heard a squeaking noise behind him a turned to see a rat following him. He kept on walking then turned a corner and looked around to see several dozen rats following him. He started running then looked again only to see that the street was filled with rats. He ran to Fisherman's wharf and threw the rat into the bay. The rats kept running and jumped headlong into the bay and drowned. The tourist ran back to the gift shop. "Back to hear the story about the rat"? asked the clerk. "No" said the tourist "I was wondering if you had any Brass Republicans for sale."
