Too Vulnerable

And I fully support that.

 

Your profile says that you're single.......could this attitude be why?

 

Sorry everyone, that was rather nasty, but toolmaggot's attitude got to me.

 

Don't let her get to you, GP. That's her way of expressing humour.

Although, I must say this thread DOES seem to suggest the completely opposite mentality of what sugarmaggie's thread on the similar subject does. I just hope no woman on this earth is going to get the idea that she can surprise her man by going down on him to wake him up, while she expects to be left alone because she feels violated to have him do the same to her.

I don't mean any harm by it, but I believe in the equal rights in such sitations(and beyond). It's also good to be playful at times.

 

I've been fucked in the middle of the night while half-asleep and it was absolutely incredible.

 

Half asleep I can handle, just wake me up enough that I know what's going on, and I'm perfectly content. Let me add a little more info that I just now realized I forgot to mention:

I have very serious insommnia, to the point where I take prescription sleeping pills. They knock me out cold, and I mean cold. Usually, nothing can wake me up before I get at least 8 hrs of sleep. And even when I manage to get to sleep without them, I sleep like the dead, so sometimes things are pretty far along before I wake up enough to realize what is happening. The really horrible thing to me is that when I wake up and protest, he acts like he has just been woken up too. I never believed it, until I read Hacker's post. Now I'm willing to admit that it might be possible, but I'm at a total loss what to do about it, other than, like I said before, making sure that we have regular sex.

As far as doing anything to him in his sleep, I never would. I don't think he'd mind, but since I don't want him to do it to me, it's not honest or fair for me to do it to him.

 

sugarmaggies thread involved him saying, more than once, that he would love to be woken up that way.

this one involves a man doing something to his wife that she has expressed more than once she doesn't enjoy and finds violating.... there's a pretty big difference there, dontcha think?


To the op, I really think you need to sit him down and talk to him about how serious this is. This is something only you two can fix, none of us can fix it for you

 

Good point, ih-mu, darling.

Yeah, you should definitely have some serious talk with your man, GP. BUT.... I mean, I still think you should do your part in learning to be more lenient about this whole thing, rather than simply tell him to stop. I think the both parties should respect where each other is coming from.

For a starter, how about making the list of pros and cons to having him touch you when you're out cold? You can also ask yourself some questions and try to come up with sensible answers. "Is it because I fear the possibility that he might hurt me...", "Is it because I'm not as sexually open(-minded) as I thought I was, or wish I was...", "Is it because I like to think of sleep and sex as the two completely separate things..." You can ask yourself questions sort of like those.

You can also include your husband and discuss this once you've done it on your own. Compare his opinion and needs to your own and see what both of you can do to make your situation better.

Dunno... That's pretty much all I can say at this point.

 

my last ex frequently encouraged me to go ahead and do whatever to her while she was sleeping. i tried a few times, but i preferred rubbing her ass till she woke up, then going at it.

also, even though she told me a bunch of times to fuck around while she was asleep, if she woke up and i was starting something, she would act all pissed for a minute.

as for me personally, if i'm in bed with you, i'm yours. i dont give a damn what you want to do with/to me while i'm asleep, and i love getting woken up by some head. i dated this one girl who would wake me up by cornholing me while giving head. it was awesome. too bad i wasnt with her for very long.

 

A few things to say

I think the whole comparison between guys/girls being woken up is a bit stretched, most guys tend to be more sexually minded at more hours of the day, so obviously less guys mind, and therefore less guys probably understand whats so bad about it.


Full blown sex while youre asleep, i'd have to say thats wrong. the example of the girl getting some strangers hand down her pants while she was passed out, thats definitely wrong. but, your husband(or sig. other), who you MARRIED, and sleep in the same bed with, touching you or trying to stimulate you slightly while sleeping isnt anything to take too much offense to. i mean, its your body, but by marrying him you agree to share your body. not that he can go and rape you, but personally, i love to caress my lover while i/she/we sleep, its very comforting, and i love pleasing my partner, even mildly. no harm meant.


finally, i would just like to say that, ToolMaggot, youre one funny bitch. i always love your commentaries.
that is all
scotty

 

Hm. All I can say is I would never go out with a guy, let alone marry one, who was'nt sensitive to vulnerability. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with someone is allowing oneself to be intimate. Any abuse of that and there is zero chance of authentic intimacy.

By the way, if I set my mind to it, I can wake myself up at any hour in the morning, without an alarm clock. That suggests to me that intention is quite powerful, and it doesn't sound like your husband is intending not to get off on you while your asleep. He's told you both that 'he wakes up as he's doing it,' and that 'your problem is you don't trust him enough.' When he says your problem is trust, it sounds like touching you when you're asleep is intentional.
I guess that's not all I could say...

 

i find women to be most attractive in the mornings, so im not really against the situation

 

I've been lenient, I'm still with him. Pros and cons? Okay, time for some ugly truth -I was raped when I was 9, and something about coming out of a deep sleep to realize that someone is touching me like that sends me into a panic attack. He can usually bring me out of it, but it's not fun for me. Please excuse me if I have a hard time finding any pros to this.

 

I don't see anything wrong with the way you feel. He needs to understand that. All it does it hurt you emtionally. He may not truly ever try to hurt you on purpose but he has to realize what he is doing isn't good.

 

Well, I'm very sorry about what happened, GP. In that case, yes, it perfectly explains why you feel so strongly about this matter. I think you need to continue talking to your husband about this. I also think you need to deal with your own emotional stress resulting from your childhood trauma at the same time. If you've been talking to a professional, that's great. If not, keep in mind that is an option for you as well. After all, this matter seems to be affecting your lovelife, and needs to be dealt with.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Look, if I can support you in any way, I'd love to. I was raped when I was 15.

 

Mmmm, I love it when I get woken up with sex or oral sex or hell, just two warm hands grabbing my boobs. I too think it's a violation, but a violation that I find arousing, so I have no prob.

 

This is an issue i have faced with a few different lovers.

In one case with an ex, we were both sound asleep fucking like rabbits. We never really woke up. we both remembered our dreams, and there was a lot of cum, so we know something happened, but we slept through it. It was very exciting and pleasurable experience for us both, leading to great morning sex. We were also in the habit of falling asleep with me inside her (as I have practiced with all my long-term lovers), so it is not that hard to take it to the next level. We also averaged between 2 and three couplings per day, so if our bodies were close together, sex was inevitable.

My current lover has been raped at least three times, so she had some similar issues. She does enjoy when we fall asleep connected, but she can get upset if she awakes to sexual contact. I have made sexual advances while she was sleeping, both while i am awake, and while i am completely asleep. Sometimes, when she wakes up unhappy with me for waking her up, it is actually the reverse of what she thinks happened. She often wakes me up by rubbing her ass into my crotch until i wake up aroused and take things from there. She must have great dreams!

This used to be a problem for us, but it has faded away. She encouraged me not to stop waking her with sex, even though she sometimes gets upset. I have learned not to let her surprise/anxiety offend me. She has expressed that she wishes to get over any negative associations from her past be they conscious or subconscious. It is very uncommon for her to react any way other than completely positive at this point, but it has taken years.

I would like to provide another perspective on one issue that has been discussed in this thread. More, regular sex is unlikely to decrease the occurrence of this sort of thing if your husband is anything like me. I have never understood the concept of sexual satiation. The more sex i have, the more sex i want. There is no such thing as enough as long as i am physically capable of more sex. Even when i was part of a FMF triad with two women half my age, I still wanted more than they were physically capable of. Sex is the central aspect of my spirituality, so i fully embrace my maniacal sexuality as a divine gift.

After all, we are all crazy in some manner, i say choose your lunacy wisely. I choose sexual mania!

Hope this provides some weird, but helpful info.


Jim