My girlfriend is "ashamed" of me...

I really don't know what to do. We've been living together for nearly five years, and she's still not comfortable with my looks. I'm not into fashion, I prefer comfy clothes and I'm a barefooter.

Get this: she even says that I dress this way to get people's attention! Yeah right...

We've been fighting a lot lately and I just don't know what to do...any advice?

 

dude, that's some superficial b.s. she should love you for who you really are and embrace that, and not feel that you have to look a certain way...is she with you because she loves you, or is she with you to impress people? i would seriously lay down the law: let her know that she will treat you with the respect you deserve, or you'll be moving on. if after 5 years she doesn't accept you for who you are, then will she ever?

 

That's a really sad situation... if you two have strong feelings about this kind of stuff, it could definitely be the stuff that pulls you apart. Not that I'm usually in favour of just quitting, but you never know - there could be someone out there better suited for you, and better suited for her. After five years, you're probably not going to convince her to see things your way, and she's probably not going to convince you to see things her way....

 

If she's ashamed of you, it's because of her own insecurities. If she can't see that...then...I'm sorry but there is no hope of her changing...admitting there is a problem is the first step in solving it...and if she can't admit it's because of HER she's uncomfortable...she's never going to change.

 

I agree with Dancer Annie. How can she just bring this up now after five years? I'm guessing it wasn't a problem before.

 

sounds like someone is a pant-wearing-wife in training.
your comfy with yourself, and how others perceive you; is it that important to her that you change...for her?

 

Advice? yeah.

decide whether or not you want to stay together with this girl. Love is like a plant. It won't always just grow. Sometimes it needs tending. It needs care. That care is always sacrafice. The payoffs are significant, though, if you really love her. Ask her what she wants you to do differently and do it. Don't make yourself look desperate, have fun with it. There are 'fashionable' clothes that are very comfortable.

or

don't make the sacrafice and risk losing your love.

 

I'm sorry she sounds very shallow. I like to look a certain way but I always respect the way whoever I am with prefers to look dress ect. Being bassed on feels crappy. I would dump her she's never going to appreciatte you and make you feel good about yourself if all she cuts down the way you look. Don't you wanna be with somone who adds to your self-esteem rather than depletes it?

 

Does she only seem to have a problem with it in certain situations? Perhaps if that is the case, you could come up with a compromise...i.e. if you're going to dinner w/ her family, you will agree to wear a nice shirt in exchange for her not nagging you about how you dress any other time? I dunno. It's not a perfect solution, but maybe it'll help. However, if it's all the time, that's a bigger problem. She got into a relationship with you b/c she like who you are, and whether she likes it or not, how you dress is part of who you are. If she can't deal, maybe it's time to move on. Hope this helps.
One more thought...why does she care even if you DO only dress that way to get attention? It seems like the only reason she has a prob w/ it is because she's worried about what "other people" will think. Kind of hypocritical IMHO.