Virgin...........

Ok everyone here is a confession for you.
I am a virgin. I'm 41 and apart from kissing
a girl when I was 12/13yo I have done nothing
at all. I'm not gay, I like women/girls but when
it comes to sex......thats a different thing!!

Anyone else here ever been scared to try it?

 

It takes a lot of guts to make that kind of confession, on the internet or in person. You have my respect, if you're not bullshitting.

 

Are you an ex-monk and affraid now?


Just try it man, don't let fear take you over.

 

you could make a movie.....the 41 year old virgin.

 

It does take a lot of guts to admit that, but really, i dont see it as being that big a deal. People are all different and all ready to do different things at different times...doesnt matter if youre 16 or 70 to me.
Do you feel you wanna try it out now?

 

Wolfie, I totally respect you. You're just selective and haven't found the right person yet. No need to be afraid, when it's right, it's right. You'll know when you're ready.

 

Oh no, definately not bullshitting.

 

I'm not an EX-monk but I sometimes think I'd have been suited to that
or maybe a religious calling (priest).

 

Ohhh I've not heard that one (for at least a couple of days)

 

Its hard to describe really - I'm in the awkward position of wanting to try, I mean lets face facts - I've felt that way for quite a few years BUT thats as far as it goes.....there is something I didn't post in my original message that explains things a bit.....read on because I'm about to answer a message from someone else and I'll fill you in there....

 

There's nothing wrong with that at all. There is nothing wrong with not putting out. Some women find that to be a very attractive quality. It's cool that you're able to talk about it.

 

Thanks for your comments, something I didn't post in my original message is the reason (I believe) for me being so nervous/afraid/scared or whatever you want to call it. I mentioned that I had a girlfriend when I was 12, well thats part of the problem.....I went out with her for about 6 months and that all came to an end on my 13th birthday. She came to my birthday party and after the usual party stuff was over we went to listen to music in my room (my parents were still in the house!). Anyway I went to get some drinks and crisps and when I got back to my room, my girlfriend had stripped naked (yes HONESTLY) and was laid out on my bed....I asked her what she was doing and got the reply that she wanted to have some "fun".......I don't know what anyone else would have done at that age if they'd been faced with a naked 13yo but I freaked out....I ran out of the room and left her there.
I wasn't ready to try anything like that and it just scared the hell outta me.
She dumped me the next day and that was the end of it.
What has played on my mind since that day is that WHAT IF I get in that position again with someone and I freak out again? Its one thing to do that when you're 13 but I couldn't live with doing that at 41 and on the rare occasion that I do meet someone I like, its like a voice inside me tells me to get the hell away before anything happens.

At this point I expect to get answers along the lines of "get drunk and get a prostitute" or "see a shrink" - thanks but no thanks on both of those ideas!!!

 

When you know you're ready and comfortable, and when you know it's the right person... i don't think you'll freak out.

 

I agree with Dariah. I was scared to death of sex until I met my husband. Oh sure, I wanted it, thought about it, wondered what it was like, but I also knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it if I were to give myself to someone and they ended up leaving me. I wanted "forever". So I held off.

When I ended up meeting my husband, my attitude about sex changed and I felt ready. I ended up losing my virginity to him prior to us getting married, but it was amazing how my fear just seemed to evaporate. All I knew was that I wanted to have that closeness with him.

We've been together almost 10 years now. He's my one and only, and I have no regrets.

 

I wish I could see me changing and the fear going away but to be honest it gets worse the older I get....there are times now when I feel WORSE than I did 28 years ago.....makes me think that I should have at least tried something and had some fun instead of being restrained and holding back all my life. The other thing that came out when I was chatting to someone else online about this is that my family were (and still are) very close but DON'T EVER discuss stuff like this. I never got the "talk" from my father when he was alive and my mother has never once questioned me or commented on me still being single and the ONLY time I can ever remember SEX being mentioned was when my older sister was about 18 and was going out for the first time with someone (now her husband) and that was just the normal "don't do anything stupid and show the family up" sort of chat. (I heard but wasn't meant to!)

 

it can be a really nice lifestyle.
did you know there are meditations that use the sexual energy?
monks use them, transform that energy into healing energy.

it couldbe your calling.
one of the deeper reasons why you haven't had sex.

 

Were your parents very religious? My family never spoke of sex except to tell me not to do it until I was married. I mean, I honestly thought sex was dirty and sinful from how they acted about it. I had some big hang-ups. It took me a long time before I was finally able to put those thoughts to rest and lose my inhibitions. Thankfully I had a very patient husband who understood me.

 

No not a religious family, just seemed maybe a bit "reserved", Its not like I've been brainwashed into thinking sex is dirty or wrong but the fact that the subject never got mentioned at home when I was growing up coupled to the happenings on my 13th has left me with this absolute phobia of doing anything.
After that girlfriend I've not even asked anyone out, been out on an informal
"date" or anything. I guess I've pretty much stuffed things up. Can't really blame anyone else but me. I have the "power" to change it but not the courage.

 

HCM is definitely one of the coolest women on here. I couldn't agree with her more - take all the time you need, Wolfie, don't feel pressured by society or your friends or whatever. If/when it's right for you, you'll know, and it will be great. Regretting your first time would be sad.

 

You might want to look into a medical reason. You could be drastically low in some hormone or something, and you might be a lot happier if you get some medicine for it. I normally don't think taking pills for something is a good idea, but there are cases where it's the best thing for you.

If it's a psycological thing, and you don't want to go to a shrink, I'd recomend getting out of the limbo. Since your current state seems rather horrible, I'd either commit to a life of celibacy, or gather up your courage.

Sex is one of the greatest pleasures available to humans, don't pass it up lightly. You've got another twenty years or so where it can still be really good, medically speaking.

Of course, i probly shouldn't give advice until i lose my virginity, haha.