my space bar-cuts-out-so-please-bear-with me. I disappeared-off-these forums for-a-little-while-but-I'm-back and in need of-advice. around August-I-got-into-a-relationship with-a-guy-much older-than me, I'm-17 and he's-24, and all-summer-things-were-pretty-much-perfect but once-school started-up-for-me-things started-to-get-fucked up. for-example, one-day he went-to the-next-town-to-pick me up the new Sigur-Ros CD-with-my-friend, it was supposed to-be-a-surprise but her boyfriend forgot and-accidently told me-where-they-went. I had two panic attacks, screamed and-threw shit-around (I hardly-remember doing-this-but apparently it-is-so) and called-her-cell bawling and got-him-on the phone and proceeded to tell him what a huge piece of-shit he-was for doing that to me, and he started crying and just-said "I drove out-to buy-you the new Sigur Ros CD". hah did I feel like the-most-horrible person alive. he's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and he stopped taking his-meds-for a long time and October freaked out and got-stuck in-a mental hospital. this is-when it- really-got bad, I-had panic attacks all the time, I kept not eating but not that it mattered because I threw it up anyway cause those were-the-kind of-panic attacks I have. I lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks because of them. lately everything has been giving me-that- stabbing feeling in the chest right before you get them, I'll break down-crying for absolutely no reason and I think the most ridiculous things are- happening. someone called long-distance from a town about 2-hours away tonight and-I broke down crying thinking he had ran-off there and called to tell- me goodbye (I didn't make it to the phone to answer, I reverse-lookupped the-number). there's a million more-situations and after tonight-I'mjust-so-tired-of it, I'm deppressed all the-time unless I'm with him and when I am the-thought-of leaving is-enough-to make me have another attack. I'm just so tired-and decided to ask for help. my friends think-it's because of a past-boyfriend issue, I had-a very difficult relationship and I was fucked around with constantly and cheated on uncountable times, but the-attacks are starting to have nothing to do with anything. what the hell am I supposed to do.
I did cry-over absolutely nothing but I-thought it was something for no-reason. my friend's boyfriend told me he went out of town-with her and I assumed they ran away together for-some unknown reason when-he actually just went there to buy me a CD, obviously if I-had-thought-that-initially I-wouldn't of got upset, but that's the-whole problem I-can't even reason with-myself anymore. the long distance-thing was-another example, it came-up as a-long distance number and I-assumed he took-off on me and THATcaused me-to freak out. like I-said its just out of control.
babe, you need a counsellor. Those aren't panic attacks, those sound like a psychological, chemically based problem. If nothing else, a counsellor/psychologist can help you find teh root of the problems... you probably don't need meds or anything (though I'm not an authority on the subject) but you definitely need to talk to someone about this, someone who's specialized in dealing with problems like this.
I second ihmurria's suggestion. Definitely find a counsellor to talk to. The fact that you're having these panic attacks that cause you to throw up and/or not eat (for how long are we talking here?) suggests that there is something going on that nobody here is qualified to help with.
