I just wanted to TEll Yall. That i am Completly Happy and comfortable with who i am and i Love me and i wouldnt change anything about me cause I Love Me! I LOVE ALL YOU TOOO!!
Auctally... right now, i hate myself, im a Looser, im an asshole and im a shitty person damn i Wish i wasnt soo Fucking stipid my girlfriend asked me to marry her and just like on reflex i said yes.. that was soo wrong.. it was the wrong answer cause really i dont want to marry anyone ever.. i could never say that yes, i will be with you forever... I want to fall in Love again and again. the whole notion of wearing the wedding dress that my mom made and wore would be soo loverly... and all the flowers and the honeymoon.. but no, its not right for me, id be Sooo unhappy, id feel like i was trapped in a cage. I LOVE my girlfriend soo much! but i cant marry her, i just cant, its wrong for me. Ive probly broken her heart and her feelings and maybe made her cry which makes me cry, but she might not have read the email.. so i guess ill have to call her and tell her my true feelings... and man.. im just gonna die, ive NEVER made anyone cry before.when i was enagaed to her i got soo connected to her that i was hurting myself when i was away from her for too Long, and i was taking her for granted that shed always be there... Also as soon as i said yes, shes been planning and daydreaming all these things and AHH!! its like a train that wont stop. and it makes her soo happy! But i cant Marry her. i Love her.. but WEd not get along well,and id feel trapped ,then wed stay together anyways cause its pagan tradition not to divorce people unless your like trying to kill eachother , or so says my girlfriend, and id feel not happy but safe... and id die without living cause its dangerous and shes peranoid about that. She always has all these things about how things should be done right and kinda rules... and i dont listen to any of it. and she has images of how itd be like and that theyd get married and i cant do that for her and i hope she finds someone good. She thinks we're soulmates and lived a past life together, but no i dont think we are, and im not gonna be with her forever... ah well... sorry about the rant, i had to talk about it..
