i hate it when my husband is here

Hi, Betty, you hot, sexy mama!!!

Love,
Al.

 

Al,

I would like a shot at redemtion and not to be so soft in the middle since the rest of my life is so hard.
Love,
Betty

 

Dear Betty, In this world filled with so much darkness, you are one of the lights. Shine on, my dear!
Love, Al

 

Dearest Al,
Get these mutts away from me ya know I really do not find this too amusing anymore.
Love,
Betty

 

Dear Betty,
I'll see what can do.
Love,
Al

 

Umm, that IS abuse. It's called emotional abuse, and most of those on the receiving end would rather have a quick hit to the mouth than the consant yelling, belittling, and all the intimididation that goes along with emotional abuse. I was raised by a screamer, not a yeller. But then a moment later he would be as funny as they come. Was your Dad this way? It's too weird that stuff we hate about our childhood, we seek and live with into our adulthoods. Don't suffer this idiot. Do you have any support system? Call an abuse hotline or shelter, and let them pass a little knowledge to ya about what is happening and where it may lead, and your options. Life is too short to go through it be yelled at and intimidatied. I feel for you, and I will think STRONG, SELf-AFFIRMING thoughts to you. Don't EVER believe it's your fault. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but hopefully you will come out the other end with more self awareness, feeling stronger and better about yourself. Leaving is the hardest thing to do, especially when the yelling is often times followed by great times or great sex (same thing really) Roses, apologies that mean nothing,,,,,Get your shit and GO!

 

I never belittled or insulted anyone but I did raise my voice.

 

which some of us feel to be a belittling attempt to grab at power and assert your dominance over your victim.

 

Which is why I stopped.

The wife's no victim. But she does find that annoying.

 

lol. dave rants and raves, but he's never yelled at me, though i'm sure i've provoked it a time or two. when we first got together i was very unsure about his temper. but then i realized his tantrums were rather like when i stub my toe: totally undirected. but even so, he stopped that.

 

he was molested as a kid. he told me the second time he met him because he was rolling (e)... he also told me im the only one he ever told... i believe him cause he will NOT talk about it since then. that was AGES ago.

i feel like if he cant deal with or talk about his issues they prolly ... ugh i dunno. i just think he doesnt deal with his own issues and takes it out on me sometimes.

also i try to not react in a mean way but im not perfect. its hard sometimes.

 

sideways is one of the best movies ever.

 

omg. thanks mike. imma do that next time.

 

thank you.
he used to actually hit me too.
then he stopped that but he still yells and call me names a lot.
my dad was like that also... so yeah it is kinda being played out again.
i dont have much of a support system because i have no real family really and agoraphobic tendencies. i dont even have a car but i cant take things sometimes and i do believe im a strong person underneath it all. and one day i will leave.

 

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry you can't leave now. And telling him to use an "inside voice", is akin to treating him like a child, which he deserves, but may inflame him. I really do understand everything you are going through. Plus the agoraphobia. I know people just tell you to build up the strength and walk out. You need to get some counseling or somethig right now to help yourself, at least with the agoraphobia. Have you tried an agoraphobia chatline or something, so maybe there is some program in your area to help you gain the strength that you will need to leave your husband. And you will have to leave him, you know that. I find it difficult to believe that he just stopped hitting you. It may be for now. That is called intimidation. It may be an hour, a day, a year, but you know it's under the surface. Abusers just don't magically change. My father, who I loved so much, never changed, but was mellowing. I still felt belittled everyday, as soon as he would start the screaming. Oh, I was smacked too, but back then, as people always tell me, "it was o.k. to really REALLY, smack your kid". Nice. Work on yourself now, so you get strong within yourself. You'll be able to leave him, with him watching you, mouth open stupidly as usual. You know you are better than this, and it is like a disease, you were pre-disposed to it from your Dad. I am going to keep checking on you. I hope the holidays are kind to you, as I KNOW how bad they can quickly escalate into. The shelter was PACKED every year at this time. I am still thinking POWER, CONTROL, LOVE< SELF-AWARENESS all directed at you, sweet sister.
Cheshire Cat

 

you have such a beautiful soul

people get tired of me talking about it and not going into action

but i dont feel they understand.

 

the reason people are stuck in places is often invisible to others ....

 

people get tired of me talking about it and not going into action

Who cares what they think? I'm tired of alot of THEIR posts, with 15 yr old girls putting ticker tapes on unitl their BABIES are born. Yeah, I'm tired of that. I'm tired of all the self-righteousness on these posts. I can go on but you are more important. Oh, wait. What about the kids that actually put how many months they have been on this earth! Ahaaaaahaaaahaaaaa. It is to laugh. I won't ever get sick of hearing about your struggle, regardless of your leaving, which you will I wish that I was near you, so I could at least stand across the street and show you that someone was on the other side. I am, methaporically speaking. I'm right here, and you have other info on me. Please, anytime.
Cheshire