This is breaking my heart...

I have a friend who is 15 years old, 16 in Feb....and shes pregnant. Her boyfriend was always a closer friend , he is 25, 26 in july, and is in jail now becasuse her mom called the police and they questioned her... She is living with her mom, stepdada and 2 stepkids...I really feel horrible for her. We pretty much quit being friends a few months back, but she came to me all summer saying she thought she was pregnant...I gave her the a months worth of the patch I had but she kept taking them off because if she was she didnt want to hurt the baby...Oh not to mention she developed a coke habit this summer...I just hate it for her! I dont want to go and try to rekindle the friendship some because I dont want her to take it as me just pitying her...but I do! I just wish there was some way I could help but I just still feel alot of anger and dissapointment in her...I offered to buy her condoms but she said he wouldnt wear them, and there was no way I could buy her birth control...I dont have the $$...and she couldnt ask her parents becuase they would know she was doing more trhan dating the older guy...I hate to load you all down with this..its really depressing...I just dont know the right way to go about starting the friendship again...Especialy since we all still do stuff that she shouldnt be doing in her condition....

thanks for listening mamas..this has just been on my mind for a while

 

Right one bit i dont understand is she wouldnt use the patched but yet she has a coke habit!!! they will both hurt the baby but in different ways e.g one hormone and one drugs.

Is there non of your friends who know her that could maybe befriend her and talk to her about all this kinda stuff. Or a older sister or something - or even some kind of support group that might off her more advise.

 

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but she really doesn't sound like much of a victim to me. She has a coke habit that she's not doing anything about. She slept with a man who is much too old for her by law. They didn't use contraception.

If she wants to keep the baby, she's going to need to grow up soon. You should be there for her, but don't take this all on yourself. This is her problem.

 

Drop her like a hot rock. She's a user and intent on destroying her own life and she WILL take you down with her.

Someone will tell CPS and the kid will be taken from her at birth which will be another blessing.

 

I don't think you should get involved directly...sounds a little too selfish, maybe too selfish, but at 16 she's old enough to understand that when one has sex, one can get pregnant. I know you feel bad for her and its understandable, but you can't really do much. She's clearly not willing to help herself, so how can you?

 

Your friend desperately needs help. Period. She has to get her life together and be responsible. The best thing you can do is encourage her to change these destructive habits and take care of herself and her unborn child. The rest is in her hands.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

Don't bother with her. I agree with IronGoth. She sounds like a self destructive person that doens't care about anyone else but herself. If you get caught up in that, chances are you're going to get dragged down too.

Sorry, but she doesn't sound like much of a friend in the first place.

 

Well to answer a few things, when she found out she was pregnant she stopped doing coke but had been doing everyday for the past few months, and she found out when she was 3 months along....She has an older sister who is "there for her" but her sister left home at 16 to live with her girlfriend who beat her up and now she is back home (at 17) and has lostr a job in the pst few months for being on pills...so its not the best situation...and her parents...well her mom slept with the guy her daughter gets her coke from...the hwole thing is fucked up, she is still a freshman in high school....

Skye told me I shouldnt worry about it, that I tried to tell her, and it is their own fault but I just hate to see someone go through that much pain..it really bothers me that she has to go through that..but I guess all I can really do is help her if she asks

 

"Once cannot weep for the entire world. It is beyond human strength. One must choose." - Jean Anouilh

 

That just means that you're a good person. But you're right, there's not much you can do unless she asks you for help. And if she does, don't try to solve this for her, because you can't. All you can do is be there when she calls.

Has she decided whether or not she's keeping the baby? I'm not talking about terminating the pregnancy, because she's obviously not doing that, but is she going to put he\she up for adoption when the baby's born, or is she going to keep the baby?

 

Yeah shes gonna keep it and raise it...she wants to raise it with him..theyve been together for 8 months or so...but they are tring to get the fullest sentence cause he already had 2 felonys..which is life w/out parol...so hes fighting it cause he has a 4 year old

 

ugh nice 25 year old guy sleeping with a 15 year old; WTF??

 

My thoughts exactly. What a 15 year old have to offer a 25 year old besides her body?

That's silly.

 

Has her pregancy been confirmed? Has she seen even a doctor? She sounds pretty confused about the situation, no? I mean, she's been asking you for birth control, then refusing to use it and still snorting coke - but she's apparently pregnant through all of this?? I'm pretty confused by it myself.

Regardless of whether or not she is keeping the baby, she MUST see a doctor and take responsibility for this ASAP! There are resources available for girls in her situation. Offer to go with her to any appointments, etc. for support. That's being a true friend.

 

yeah shes been to the doctor, got it confirmed and knows how far along she is..thats how the charged the guy, now they have an approximate date of when he 'raped' her..yeah, she kept saying I think im pregnant in june so I gave the bc to her, she used it for a few days then took it off and kept taking off the other patches I gave her because it might hurt the baby if there was one, then she started getting worse with coke, when she was on bc she did it once or twice, from july untill around halloween she was doing it everyday just about, now she just puts it in her mouth....but as far as I know it still gets in your system that way just not as quickly..either way I Wish I could get her to stop but Im gonna stay out unless she askes for my help, she asked for my help with the bc and I said yes, she asked again later and I couldnt help her because I didnt have anything to give her and no $$ either so I couldnt...if she ask again ill be there for her....

 

While she was pregnant?

 

before she found out from a doctor but after she thought she might be (around the time of conception actually)

 

OK wait, she's decided to lifelong pair bond and raise a guy with two felony convictions and a third pending?

Not very good at making decisions, she is.

 

This all sounds like a big mess and unless you want to go down with these people you might want to distance yourself. No matter how "in love" they are a 25 year old should NOT be sleeping with a 15 year old.

 

*Huge Sigh*
I know...I just really got close to them over the summer...but then her sister moved back and we stopped talking alot...then she found out she was pregnant...

I just dont want her to feel like I want nothing to do with her or that I am only talking to her out of pity