My boyfriend hit me.. am I stupid for forgiving him???

My boyfriend of a year is totally sweet. He's so adorable & does the nicest things. He always tells me he loves me, compliments me & his family likes me too. They invite me over to dinner all the time... & his little sister is so cute & always asks if we can hang out. My boyfriend and I have the same friends... similar interests... & we have so much fun together...

But last night things got way out of control...
He was driving & we were in my car... We got into an arguement over stupid things... We were both making everything worst by yelling @ eachother & insulting eachother... & he started banging on the steering wheel. We were on the freeway & he was kinda leaning over into the other lanes.. I was getting scared so I told him to stop but he didn't listen. After I repeated it over and over I grabbed his arm & tried to MAKE him stop. But he ended up losing control of the vehicle & we swerved a little. He pulled over & started yelling "WTF?? YOU ALMOST KILLED US!!!" & then he grabbed me by the throat... he started choking me & he banged my head against the car window... I kicked him in the chest to get him off of me and then he stopped. He started the car back up and he kept driving back home.

We drove the rest of the way in silence... then he stopped at a restaurant parking lot & he looked at me and started crying."I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Baby, I didn't mean that, I'm so so sorry. Are you ok?" He kept apologizing over & over & told me he let his anger take over & he swore to God that he would never do anything like that ever again. He hugged me and kissed my forehead & told me he loved me so much & admited how wrong he was for what he did.

He asked me if I accepted his apology & said I did but if he ever touched me again i never wanted to see him again... but I don't know if I was stupid for that..??. We went into the restaurant we parked at and he bought me dinner & told me how much he loved me over and over. After that... we had a good time.. just like we always used to.

He has never done anything like this before. I mean... we get into arguements & we yell, but it has never gotten this far. I am so happy with him... we live together & go to the same college together... He makes me feel so special because he does sweet things like write looong lists about why he loves me.. and buys me little gifts for no reason. Right now we are on winter break.. so I'm living with my parents and he's living with his.. my mom likes him but doesn't like him sleeping over.. but he sneaks over and walks to my house in the middle of the night which is like 2 miles away & cuddles with me for a few hours & talks to me about his day.. & his family.. we talk to eachother like best friends... & then walks all the way back home before my mom wakes up.. All my friends like him & he likes my friends... he's over all a really really good guy.

but now I think he might have problems with his anger & I feel uncomfortable around him because of what happened...
Was I stupid for forgiving him???
What do you think I should do??


sorry for the really long post.. I wanted to get the whole story in...

 

Well really all that matters is what you think.. You said you forgive him but if it happens again, it's over.. Why not go with that? Sounds reasonable enough..

 

AHHH ITS XMAS,, YA GOTTA FORGIVE HIM,,, :H

 

You tried to grab control of a moving car while he was driving. He stopped and choked you!

Get away from each other. Now, before something permanant happens.

It doesn't matter who is at fault, the two of you can not be trusted with each other.

 

If you got into an arguement then that means you've been together too long. Btw, you should of chocked him back.

 

Well i've been told after the first time of hitting it happens easier but I say wait for now til he does anything like that again and if he does leave him.

It sounds really scary thougha nd I'd be careful around him if he shows any sign of agression leave him. It could be dangerous.

 

i say get the fusck out..just the fact that u forgive him is a danger sign...that you'd accept it more & more each time
its odvois you 2 are bad news for eachother..& noone ever desserves to be hit like that..
good luck

 

You both were involved in a physical altercation. Usually I am a one strike and you are out kind of advice giver. But there seems to be a fair amount of blame to go around in this one. I would suggest having a long talk about touching each other in anger and agreeing that if either one of you does it again that the relationship is over. Both of you seem to have a lot of mad pent up. I would try very hard to find out where that is coming from.

 

I'd say you should end the relationship with him. If you two can't agree on stupid little things on a stress free dinner date, then how the hell could you ever agree on big stressful issues like money issues or feeding yourselves and if you have any your children?

I think that he will turn into a wife beater. Thats typical of wifebeaters, they beat then apologize, beat then apologize. Yes they are really sorry, but obvoiusly he has problems. He had the mind to drive, pull over, and then grab your neck. Your somewhat to blame, for arguing in the car thats on the freeway, but not anymore than he is. He was being reckless and you paniced, but why the hell did he think grabbing you would help? Him attacking you was a very dumb decision, making him a dumb person.

The thing is, dumb people in relationships never work.

 

I would've forgiven him too. If my baby would do that (i know he wouldn't though) i'd forgive him.. but like you said, if he'd do it again i would never want to see him again.
He should definitely get some help though, he clearly has got some serioust problems.

 

Well, he apologized, sincerely. If it's a single occurrance, I'd definitely forgive him.

However, look at this from your post:

He's trying to drive a car. And YOU are the one who grabbed him first, and almost made him lose control. I'd say that you pretty much threatened his life right there. Even if he's very angry and banging on the steering wheel ... hell, I bang on the steering wheel all the time while listening to music, banging doesn't mean losing control. (Heck, I work going door to door talking to people, we bang on our clipboards all the time to emphasize a point, and it works well, banging on the steering wheel is no different.) Now, if someone, guy, or girl, grabbed my arm and tried to rip it off the steering wheel -- WHILE I WAS ON A HIGHWAY nontheless -- I would DAMN WELL be angry. Especially if I was having an intense argument with them beforehand.

Granted that lovers in a relationship shouldn't, by principal, hit eachother, if the person who grabbed my arm like that wasn't in a relationship with me, I would have knocked their fucking block off twice for almost killing me, even if it was one of my closest friends.

I'd say, you equally owe HIM an apology for putting both of your lives in quite a bit of danger, and he's at the very least justified -- scratch that, he's not justified, but it's very easy to see how the events led up how they did, without it being a persistant anger management problem.

I believe in equality of the sexes ... I'm sure feminists do too. That being said, if you grab him, and threaten his life, he has every right to grab you and threaten yours back.

Car Rule #1: If you are a passenger in a car, DON'T TRY TO DRIVE, even if you think the driver is doing a shitty job.

Anyway, you say you think he might have problems with his anger?

I'm going to be honest and give you my opinion ... if he has problems with his anger, then you have problems with yours, as well as your self control. You should NOT try to stop someone while they're driving a vehicle, just because you are angry.

You aren't stupid for forgiving him, in THIS situation (not all situations are like this), but again I think you also owe HIM an apology as much as he owes you one.

To play the devil's advocate, she tried to make him crash. Next time, SHE might succeed in killing them both.

And I'd like to also suggest one of these talks that hippypaul is referring to. I think it can help both of you a lot.

It's an isolated incident, after his life was threatened. Isolated. To the original poster: If he attacks you AGAIN, without you threatening him, then you should dump his ass. But in this situation, I don't think it's got anything to do with a wifebeating problem.

Yeah, his problem is, he has someone grabbing his arm and making him lose control while he's driving on a freeway. Honestly, anger isn't his problem, anger isn't why he got physical. Fear is. And I'd be scared enough to get physical too!

I guess I see it like this: You scared him for his life, and he reacted hostilely. That's the way of Nature, that way has been programmed into our brains, through millions of years of evolution, in order for us to survive. That should not be considered a fault.

And, I should add this disclaimer:

I don't mean to personally insult or offend anyone reading/posting on this thread, I just kind of saw the thread, and decided to respond to the comments with my opinions.

 

No matter who did what why, the fact remains that they are physicaly dangerous to each other.

 

Just occurred to me, it's not a pattern until the second time..

 

Heh... it's common during x-mas, but don't let him get away with that fucking shit.

 

1) Don't EVER grab the wheel while someone is driving, unless they're having a heart attack or lost control completely before you grabbed the wheel. I do'n tmean emotionally lost control, physically lost control of the car

2) If he does it again, run and don't look back. But like others have said, there seems to have been issues on both ends here.


sounds like it's time to sit down and deal with your relationship. This sort of incident SHOULD NOT be happening, particularly with any regularity...

 

listen to this girl, she's smart.

 

i wouldnt have. i wouldnt have taken that shit either. why didnt you punch him in the face?

 

Hey, I'd like to ask you a question, even if it's just for the sake of argument (because I have a point that I'd like to make), but I want to first be clear that I don't intend for this question to be a personal attack of any kind.

That being said, I'd like to ask you this ... do you believe in equality of the sexes?

 

of course i do, and i dont think she should take that shit.