My boyfriend hit me.. am I stupid for forgiving him???

Alright. I'd like to ask you a couple more questions, just out of curiosity ...

(1) Do you believe that her life was put into danger by his actions?

(2) Do you believe that she has the right to be physically aggressive with him as a result?

(3) Do you believe that his life was put into danger by her actions?

(4) Do you believe that he has the right to be physically aggressive with her as a result?

You have already said this:

"i wouldnt have taken that shit either. why didnt you punch him in the face?"

Which insinuates that you think she does have the right to be physically aggressive with him, whether her life was in danger or not.

That being said, if you believe in equality of the sexes, do you not believe that he has the same right to be physically aggressive, ESPECIALLY if you believe his life to be put in danger by her actions?

(Recall this in her original post: "After I repeated it over and over I grabbed his arm & tried to MAKE him stop. But he ended up losing control of the vehicle & we swerved a little.")

 

You made perfect sense. I needed to apologize too & I did.

But the reason why I grabbed his arm is because I thought MY life was in danger FIRST. He was not looking at the road & he kept going into the other lanes. He was yelling and hitting the steering wheel & the center consol thing in my car inbetween the seats LIKE HE WAS PSYCHO. I WAS SCARED but after repeatedly telling him to stop & pull over.. he got more and more aggressive.. he started yelling louder and louder. & kept looking at ME instead of where he was driving. I didn't try to TAKE OVER the driving.. I grabbed him arm to make him stop banging stuff. I wanted him to stop and listen. I know STUPID MOVE because it caused him to swerve, but it was the next thing I could think of.

 

That's cool.

Again, I definitely don't think it's worth breaking up over. Maybe a talk and some apologies, but from how you described him acting afterwards, it sounds like he really does care -- a lot -- and wouldn't ordinarily lose his temper.

And its understandable if you feel your life is in danger, but the best thing you could do is say, "you know what, I think we're a little too heated right now for safe driving, so let's pick one and put the other one off for a bit."

Either way, Merry (whatever you celebrate ) and I wish both of you the best of luck!

 

he banged your head against the car window...???

sorry but if you stay with that dude you are just asking to be beaten up at some point.

seriously.

 

there's no excuse for hitting a girl...

 

You need to get the hell away from him because guys who go from super sweet and sickly nice to choking psycho means that the former is a ruse and the latter is who he is deep down.

He needs to get the hell away from YOU because you provoke him and get just as physical.

BOTH of you need anger managment and relationship counselling, before you go out with OTHER PEOPLE.

Peace and Merry Xmas yall

 

how many males here can honestley say they never lost there temper with a female?? from say 3rd grade to 21??

growth takes longer for some..

not all that lose it are predators,, nor is the story we red the complete truth,...

let he without sin cast the first stone..

 

You two need to get away from each other for a while. No talking or stuff like that until you take a breather and can talk like adults w/o fists.

Of course we are hearing once side of the story so take everything posted w/ a grain of salt. I can say as one who works in the correctional area were many a wife beater has come across my desk, if he did this to you he most likely has done this to someone else as well.

My own policy is if you raise your hand to me in anger, it better be to shake it in the air. I have a zero hitting/touching/grabbing in anger policy. Do it-lose me. Period. No second chances. No forgiving. No shit.

But again, that's moi

 

Another question, this time to you, Sir lakshen ... (no disrespect intended)

Do you believe in equality of the sexes?

And if so ... do you believe that there is any excuse for hitting a fellow member of the same sex? Or anyone for that matter?

 

I can say plain, and simple... No I do not believe in equality of sexes

I believe any woman is far more worth than I or any other man could ever be... I believe in the regular aspects of equality of sexes, same pay, same work... and that stuff, but they are not as men... Physically and mentally, they're so precious

 

And if your life was threatened? Would it not be instinctual to react hostilely?

Also ... you seem like the kind of guy who would believe in concepts such as chivalrie ... making you not much different from me. However ... I cannot understand why you would place women as higher than men on the scale. In my opinion, that makes you equally as guilty as someone who believes that men are better than women. Now that I have said that ... I ask for your comment on what I've just said.

I tend to see the best option as a balance. While it seems that in today's world, the unbalance is in man's favour, that does not make it any less dangerous to tip the balance in the other direction.

While I also hate chauvanist dogs that believe men are better than women, and I support the feminist movement toward equality, I'm concerned with the number of people who are in essence "taking up arms" in such a way that would not simply rebalance the world, but would unbalance it in the other direction, which is equally as unjust and instable.

It seems to me, especially in this situation, that everyone is rushing to the woman's side without taking a look at both ends of the perspective, which is EXTREMELY dangerous.

 

normally i would be on the get rid of him band wagon. but, in this case you were provoking him while he was driving, and cars, although an everyday comonplace thing, are very dangerous. if you grabbed my arm while i was driving i would get pretty pissed too, i wouldnt choke you, eh maybe you should leave him, chokings not cool.

 

In this situation both people could have acted differently.
But it sounds like the dude was going pretty psyco on the wheel,
and he couldn't contol his own emotions enought to realize he should not choke his girlfriend. That is pretty scary.

Hakaru Zero, I dig what your saying man, good point up there about placing women higher then men being just as bad.
However I don't know if this situation is very relevent to equal rights.
If a lady is gonna hit a man in a relationship it's still just as scary and shows that the lady doens't have control in her emotions in certain situations which is no good.

I'd say leave, lightning can strike the same place twice.
But thats just me.

 

I'm sorry, I'll reply once I can gather my thoughts to anything but Sara again

 

i don't think you're stupid for forgiving him...forgiveness is an essential thing to do when healing from a hurt like this...i do believe, however, that you guys should really work on this...don't just let him band-aid it with gifts and apologies, and don't let it just blow over - you may have provoked him, yes, but he just completely exploded on you! he smashed your HEAD into the WINDSHIELD and tried to CHOKE you! that's just a scoge bit on the extreme side, in my opinion...you both need some counseling, i think...try to find some kind of help where you live, where you guys could go to together or individually, or both...this anger he displayed is a problem that will chase him all through his life, no matter who he ends up with, and he needs to fix it early in life so he doesn't hurt you, himself, or anyone else. let him know that this means too much to you to just let it go - tell him that you need to get help because otherwise you may be putting yourself in harm's way...if he exploded like this once, he may do it again. don't wait for him to do it again...make sure he DOESN'T do it again...and work together WITH him, not against him...if he feels like he is being ganged up on, he will feel pursecuted instead of loved...it sounds like you two really need to work on your communication skills. there are many more effective ways to resolve arguments than yelling and insults...that is something you two really need to work on together.

i will add this: you say you now feel uncomfortable around him...if you do, indeed, feel uncomfortable, i would trust your instincts...perhaps a little distance is good. still spend time with each other, but don't spend time together in a situation where you put your lives at risk (say, driving in a car). i'd say even spend your time together with family or surrounded by other friends, and spend shorter periods of alone time together, at least for now, until you get yourselves some professional help. believe me from experience: you may think you two have moved on from a hurtful event, but if you don't get some kind of outside help from it, it just gets pushed deeper down and supressed, and true forgiveness and healing doesn't take place, then the next time something shitty happens, it just gets brought back up to the surface. you both need to be coached on how to deal with your anger with each other to keep bad things from happening in the future.

 

like bart and homer in the Simpsons.... LOL.

 

ask him if he is ready to admit wot he did to someone else. ittl test whether he has lost the tension over the situation and could pretty much put wot he did into reality for him

 

Don't stay with him. Once is too many times. They say that if he does it once and is forgiven, he'll do it again...you can talk all you want about how sweet and loving he is and how different he is from other guys, but this is very true.

Take it once and you'll be taking it all your life.

 

This is spot on, it always takes two to get a situation to a certain point, but we all have choice (unless he suffers some serious psychiatric problem) and he chose the let his anger out in a very agressive manner. No-one, male or female should act out in a physically violent manner unless you are trying to defendyourself.
if you can both get to this point of anger with eachother, so much so that neither of you can wait till you get home to have an argument in a not so life threatening setting - while driving - you are both doing more harm than good in staying with eachother.
From my own experience and the experience of everyone else i know i who has been through such things, if a man hits you once, no matter how far down the line, he will do it again. (though of course this isn't the only outcome, just a very probable one.)

Forgiveness is is the best thing for your growth, holding grudges hinders our own healing. But you can forgive him and still end the relationship on the basis that it is not a healthy one where either of you are empowered or learning anymore.