I was having some intense thoughts after hitting the ole' gravity bong the other day. I decided to write about them. I've been trying to push myself to write more, even if it isn't very much. I'm not sure what type of writing you would classify this as, but I wanted to experiment with expressing emotions during thought.
Bravissimo! I'm glad you explained that it's creative writing in the begining, otherwise I wouldn't have understood it at first glance. Having said that, you've encompassed some extraordinary images and feelings, all within the space of a few sentences. I love this kind of writing, but I lose my focus when there's too many paragraphs. This was perfect. It has a Lovecraftian quality with its underlying fear, brooding on horror (horror of the future, not monsters). I particularly like the pace. From the start you used verbs and nouns of high intensity (scream, daggers, heart, ablaze, lash, rage), when suddenly it's like you stepped hard on the brakes with: Never again shall it reside here! I don't know if you intended to have that right in the middle, but it works wonders. Although you're still expressing your angst in the following sentences, they flow smoother (flows, drips quietly, new sun...), reaching serenity by the end... Rows of wheat shift gently as the wind whispers timelessly. I imagine Van Gogh must have felt a bit like that. True artists do not struggle for recognition by others. Their permanent battle is to recognize themselves. Within a few sentences, you've told a thousand words. Well done, mate!
Your critique was excellent. Thank you very much. You totally understood what I was trying to do with this. I really appreciate that. This poem is about "killing off a thought" that is too painful to keep in your memory. It's something that I had to learn to do, in order to keep my sanity during a certain time in my life. How could I not be influenced by Lovecraft Lucas? I absolutely love his style, and it has definately influnced me. I can't read his work without being inspired to create something. I wanted the beginning to feel very intense, and then transition into a serene ending. I'm glad that I was able to accomplish that in just a few lines. I know it's short, but it completes the thought. I wouldn't take anything away, or add anything else.
