I'm not going into too many details with this but something happened to me recently and I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through a similar situation and how they dealt with the hurt. For over a year I was basically having sex with my roommate. He loved me but I didn't love him as anything other then a friend and eventually kicked him out because it was killing him. He hates me and is now going around telling people personal shit about me as well as outright lying (or at least giving the impression of something that is a lie). I've heard from 2 different people that don't even know each other that my ex roommate is saying that I tried to force him to let me finger his ass. (For those who don't know, I have an ass fetish and love to insert things into guys butts.) I never did this to him nor did I try. He didn't like it so I didn't actually bring it up again. I used to joke about it now and again and poke his butt with my finger but he was always wearing clothes and no one else was around. I don't even care what people think about me. That's not what is really bothering me. It's the fact that he did this to me. I had a hard enough time admitting to him about my fetish. I wasn't even ready at the time to do this to anyone because I had suppressed my sexuality for 8 years and was still getting used to talking about it let alone doing it. He knew it was a sensitive spot and said he'd never use the information against me. I believed him because I believed that he really did love me. You don't do that to someone you ever truely loved no matter what. I'm so hurt I ended up being really wound up. I stayed up for 40 hours straight and I was a mess emotionally. First I was just so pissed off but by 30 hours without sleep I just started crying off and on. For the last 4 hours of that I bawled. I don't know how to get over it. I just have so much hurt and anger in me that even venting and talking about it doesn't seem to really help. I'm emotionally exhausted so I can't really cry anymore. Any other ways that would be good theropy to get out all this negative energy without annoying the people around me by obsessively talking about it? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Alright, so now I know... Damn.. I'm sorry, but the guy's acting like an asshole. Really. I just can't fathom the idea that he's talking negative shit about his (now)past partner. I've been with only two girl friends so far, and only consider one of them(the more recent one) to be my actual first love, but I have never once said anything bad about her. I've always thought of our relationship as a very meanigful one. Anyway, enough about me... You know what? I know it's painful, and I know it's irritating having to go around and correcting the story so people would know the actual event, but... Let me tell you this; you should keep your chin up, be proud, and just remember it is HIM that has been acting like... Oh god, I know some 14 year-olds who are more sensible than him! Well, you get the idea. The point is, what you can do is, as pain-in-the-ass as it may sound, to tell whoever thinks you're what this guy says you are that it's completely untrue(that's right, un-fuckin'-true!). I mean, I don't really know you THAT well, but I've interacted with you enough to at least know that you're not the type to play mind games. Just be yourself. I find you to be a very cool person because, I think, you're more or less being yourself aound here. That's one of the reasons, anyway. Anyhow, I'm gonna shut my mouth for the time being because...well, I've had a bit to drink tonight, and I probably should be more clear-headed when I talk about things like this. But I hope I made sense up there in the above paragraphs. Cheers!
Well, he's the first person that I've ever opened up to about this. I'm open about it on here because no one really knows me so it's easy on that level. I had suppressed my desires and didn't ever think about them, let alone mention them to anyone. In some ways I thought that no one would ever love me once I told them about my sick and twisted fantasies. I was ashamed of my own desires. I finally open up to someone and this happens. I fear that I will close myself off and not ever mention these things to people that I might get intimate with, therefore suppressing my sexuality once again. It's the easiest way to protect myself from being hurt over these things. This is like the first time you drive a car and you crash it and get put in the hospital. You won't want to drive anymore. Even after the wound heals, you will be hesitant about getting behind that wheel and giving it a second chance.
Please don't let him change you. It's not wrong to tell someone you love that you have certain likes even those sexual in nature. Everyone has things they are embarrassed about. In the end what other people think of your passions really doesn't matter. That being said, I know what it is like to like something that everyone around you thinks is wrong, stupid, or immoral. Just stand firm in your beliefs. I just hope this whole thing doesn't make you hide away those things that make you happy in life. This guy is not normal. I to this day carry secrets of this nature about past relationships, and I won't ever out these people in public no matter how mad they make me. Things said in confidence remain in confidence. C, just get that emotion out. It's ok to hurt. Deal with the hurt. Face the pain, and deal with it so you can move on and eventually learn to trust someone again. I hope you were able to get some sleep at least. I know it sucks and it is going to suck for a while, but it will pass. You will survive, and you will find someone that not only accepts your desires, but loves you for having them. Hiding what you need in love from a mate will only attract the wrong guy for you. That kind of relationship will only end badly. Remember that. You deserve to be happy.
You amaze me. I don't think I can thank you enough for all that you have done for me. I don't want to suppress it but I'm so afraid of being hurt. Deathly afraid of it. I don't believe that he really did love me cause I know what love is about. Simply knowing that throws me back to the cynical belief that no one could ever be in love with me. Like I'm defective. This is one of the things that he origionally fixed in my head. He's undone a lot of progress that I had made with how I see myself and my self-esteem. I just don't know how to get that back or prevent myself from seeing myself in this light. There are also other things that I am insecure about that he had to go around saying. Certain faults in my physical appearance that no one else seems to notice but me. These faults in myself make me cry on a regular basis as it is because I don't have the money to fix it. I have a small amount of (barely visable) hair on my upper lip. I also have hair that I pluck that grows in on my chin and neck. No one really ever notices it unless they get up close to my face but you always notice your faults more than anyone else. He's going around talking about my "mostache and beard" (to which everyone says is non-existant). I plan on having electrolosis done but it's fairly expensive for even one session and I am already in financial debt by $700.
this guy was a freak repeat that to yourself. He was a freak, an anomaly. He's got issues. He fixated on you and told himself it was love. Didn't deal well when it turned out you weren't as perfect as he imagined you to be. He fixated on you because he's lacking something inside himself, has some personal defect (hey, we all have some, but his expressed itself poisonously) and when he had to deal with that, he lashed out at you because you were a close target IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that he is fucked up. You are way too beautiful (I'm talking inner beauty here babe) to let this scar you, to let it keep you from being you. It's not as though your sexual interests are the first thing you mention to someone when you meet them, now you just know that you need to be in a good place of trust and caring before sharing that. Hell, you probably knew that, probably did that, you just happened to get mr. fucked-up-internally-anomaly man instead of someone who can deal with a breakup in a normal way
Oh C, listen... First realize this: Not everyone is a match for you. It is not because of you, but because of how you and any particular person match up. Rejection isn't about someone being too good for you, but it is about someone not meshing with you. That's all. You are perfectly good. And there are plenty of people out there that would see you as their dream girl because of your looks, personality, and belief system. You simply haven't been introduced to them yet. Those things you mentioned feeling insecure about are nothing. He brings them up because he is insecure about himself. Please tell me you see that. C, why do you think there are places in business to try to fix little cosmetic things like that? You're not alone. See? He simply wasn't right for you and it has nothing to do with how attractive you are. You see people everyday that you don't wanna hop into bed with right? You don't want to call them ugly or slight them in any way, they just are not your type. They are somebody's type though. See? Those little worries you have can be covered up and handled without spending money on treatments like electrolysis. And if the only debt you have is $700, you are doing loads better than the rest of the population. Please understand that you are a beautiful person - in appearance and in your personality. You will find someone that thinks you were put on this planet to be with them. Now, just hope you feel the same way!!! heehee...
Know how you can thank me? Don't change, and get back out there and find the guy who will make you happy. I wanna hear how in love you are and how your man is doing things to you that you could only dream about before... heehee...
Just curious... how long ago did the fling between you and your roommate end? how long afterwards did it take for him to start talking smack about you? By no means am I condoning his behaviour, but I have to wonder if the reason he's pulling this shit is because he's somewhat hurt by the way things ended. When one is hurt or dumped, one can get angry, taking it out on the one that hurt them. Usually rational thought is put on hold and the venting takes control. Had the two of you not had a sexual relationship, it might be a completely different case. He might have kept your secrets confidential. Again, I'm not condoning what he did. I'm just saying that the circumstances being what they are, he flipped out. That doesn't mean that everyone will flip out. If you want to be open with your sexuality, would it be easier to bring it up to a close friend whom you are not sexually involved with? Or maybe finding a sexually open partner as well. Get a secret or two from them while you're at it. I've never been to Maine or the east coast for that matter, but it sounds like it's quite a difference in attitude between coasts. Here in Seattle, your particular turn-on is quite normal and not suprising. At any rate, big hug going out to ya. Don't give up on people. There are plenty of open-minded individuals out there. And don't change yourself unless it's a change you really desire for yourself. Mono
His defense is that he was badmouthing me as a way to get over me. He feels justified because of something that I exagerated about him. I didn't even lie about it, I just made it seem like he took advantage of me more then he actually did. The difference is that I posted about it on here. I did it because I needed to get it out of my system in a healthy manner instead of taking it out on him or going and talking to all kinds of people who knew him. I thought that was the respectful thing to do. He saw what I wrote and that was the final straw that made him move out. I had already told him to leave but he told me to fuck off at the time. When he saw that, he moved out two days later. Before all of this happened, we hadn't said more then a couple random words to each other even though we see each other on pretty much a weekly basis (he knows a lot of people that I do). He got a new gf and her and I met up. She was already talking about breaking it off cause he was playing the same games with her that he did with me. She is one of the people that told me he said these things about me. When I proved to her (in his own writing with his signature) that I didn't do the things that he claimed I did, she broke up with him. Not my fault that his lies ruined what ever strand of hope his relationship was hanging on. He ended up calling me that night to find out if I showed her some embarassing photos I have of him dressing up in the bottom half of one my bikini. It hadn't actually even crossed my mind to show anyone because I'm not a vengeful person. I could have posted this picture up on the net. He is making girlie poses and looks like he's a gay cross dresser. I could have put a whole page up mentioning and showing the world his "man-tits" (which he's very sensitive about). I could of wrote on this page that since he already has the tits, the sexual preference and the clothing that he might as well get his 4 inch boner shortened to look more like a clit. But the thing is, I didn't do that. I do know that makes me a better person then him. I might have an outlet to some of this. My current roommate has admitted to having a sexual attraction to me. He's still getting over his ex so although it's not going to turn sexual at this point in time, both of us really need some comfort in our lives right now. The good thing is that he already knows a lot of my sexual perversions of mine and I've already known him for more then 3 years. I know he wouldn't turn around and use these things against me since his own father is gay and I know he's at least open to bisexual encounters.
The thing is with this was that in the beginning I was interested in seeing if something romantic could develop. I really liked him and one night I told him how I felt I was starting to fall for him and although I wasn't there yet I wanted to know where he stood on the subject. He told me at the time that he didn't think it'd be more then sex and friendship so I moved on. He said that I was selfish and he couldn't be with a selfish person. He hurt me so bad that night with the things that he said that night. Later on he told me that he was in love with me. I was so in love with the idea of someone FINALLY being in love with me that I started a relationship with him. A week later that relationship ended due to some very immature fights that concluded we weren't right for each other. He felt like I never really gave him a chance and continued to pursue me. I gave him 4 months to get over the hurt before I started dating again. I've been told by many people that most wouldn't make that consideration. My current roommate is going through a very simular situation that he was in but his ex is currently still cuddly with him, still tells him she loves him, and is currently pregnant with his child. He's moody which is understandable but he isn't playing the mind games with her that my ex-roommate did with me. My ex-roommate pressured me into having sex with him when I had no desire to. He tried to buy me with doing extra chores and cooking for me. Anytime I wore my "grumpy" shorts (pretty short pj shorts) and a t-shirt he said that I was teasing him and therefore owed him sex. After weeks and sometimes months of his complaining I gave into that because I was sick of hearing it all the time and it was easier to live with him if he wasn't moody all the time because he wasn't "frustrated" anymore. We lived together after I told him I didn't feel anything more then friendship with him for almost a year. I know it's him that's fucked up but I'm just scared that the damage he has caused hasn't fully reared it's ugly head. I'm just trying to prevent it from happening by finding healthy ways to get over my distrust of people.
Although my ex-roommate was offline this is the message I sent to him. This is closure. I haven't shown anyone your pictures and I won't. I would really like you to stop talking about me in general to anyone. I don't care what was said, just stop now please. I won't be of any influence to your life anymore. Just let me be and I will let you be. Does that sound good to you? I'm sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you. I hope someday you will forgive me so you can truely be over this. I hope you find what it is you are looking for. I hope he at least says something back so I can feel like I can completely close this. I know that I'm being the bigger person here and if he doesn't accept it like this then I can move on knowing that I did everything to try and make peace with him. I just want this done with.
Yeah, from what it sounds like, this guy wasn't a winner. By no means should you compare him to other people. Sounds like he was irrational from the start, by the way you describe him. For what it's worth, I'd lend you the use of my butt if you wren't so far away.
The best way to supress your sexuality is masturbate. I assume its easier for girls than for boys because they don't get turned on after a second of looking at a girl, but I wouldn't really know.
