Stupid straight girl needs help

I was wondering if i could get your input on my little predictament. I have been living with my gay male roomate for over three years. We usually get along great. The only thing that has ever bothered me about him, is insistence that he stays in the closet at work

here's why:

1) He works with cool people. He got the job through my network. His bosses's boss has a gay son and is a gay activist. He has at least three gay co-workers that do fine.

2) He spends an enormous amount of time creating and obsessing over the enourmous web of lies he has concocted to keep his cover. He and his stepmother spend hours every week gleefully making stuff up. He makes up women he's dating(appartently at one point one, I was one of them). He does his best to give the appearance of being a male pig. He hides from gay aquiantances when out with his co-workers.

3) The big one: Because his boss and some of his co-workers are in my social circle- I am often compelled to lie

But in spite of all of this, I figured that because it's not my life and I'm not gay and can't really understand, that I should keep my mouth shut. So i did, for over two years

Then last weekend- add alcohol- and out slips how I feel, in an overblunt way. I think the words cowardly, manipulative, and decietfull were used.
I definetely over did it. Actually, I don't think I should have said it at all and he hasn't spoke to me since.

So I pose two questions

1) Would any one like to shed light on his point of view?
2) How should I fix this? Do I eat my words(I was just drunk- I didn't mean it) or not back off

I would really appreciate your input
thanks

 

apologize, and tell him how you feel.


I think it's his decision of whether he wants to come out at work.. But he shouldn't be lying to all of his coworkers.

 

Lies upon Lies only creates more lies!! Ur rmmate apparently is so afraid 2 be himself, he creates a fantasy world and has apparently dragged u into it. Now, the burden of bein made part of that lie has come full circle, so to speak. What should u do? 1.U Apoligise 2.Let him know, u will no longer be part of his fantasy world. 3.U wont out him, but u wont lie for him anymore. 4.If he chooses to stay in the closet at work, then so be it. but lyin to ppl u both know is wrong. 5.Bein gay is nt wrong, and ppl knowin , does not mean u will lose ur job or ur friends. 6.Many gays and lezs have fought very hard and still do, to make sure we r given the same rights as str8t ppl. 7.same as #1 Apoligise.

 

First off, I do think you should apologize due to your state of mind when all was said. But he should know that it doesn't change the way you are feeling about all of this.

Instead of pointing at him and what he's doing, I'd focus on how his actions are affecting you personally. It's not your responsibility to lie for him or to be an alibi. IF he wants to lie to everyone, fine. But he can't expect you to lie for him. That's unfair. If he's your friend and cares about how you feel, he should understand this and do what's necessary to keep you out of it.

A compromise to make... if you are asked about your gay roommate, refuse to answer and refer them to the roommate. he can't get mad at you for avoiding the questions, and if he does, he's a fucktard. that way you're not sucked into the lies along with him. gives you a bit of distance from the soap opera.

I wish you luck. BTW, maybe you should let him look into these forums. They might give him a different way of looking at things. And it will also let him know the struggle you're having with his situation. Peace, Love, Dope

Mono

 

That sounds horribly familiar. It's probably just easier to run with the pack at work. Socially, you have more of a choice over who you spend time with, but at work if you know someone would take offense to your sexuality you can either put up with it or be one of those gayers that makes it everyone's problem for the sake of it.

As for your problem, apology might be worth it. Just say you were drunk. He's a guy, and guys know that inebriation is a legitimate excuse for anything. I can't be sure that his reasons for staying "in" are the same as mine, but I wouldn't be surprised. It's one thing to tell friends who you know will support you, or total strangers who you'll never see again. But for most people, jobs are about avoiding hassle when possible and getting through to the end of the day, and it's a lot easier to do that if you don't have to deal with personal issues at the same time.

 

1)
Would I like to shed some light on this? You have been living and working with him for 3 years, knowing that he's in the closet at work. And that is the only thing that bothers you about him?

You go on to explain how it is so, I don't know, dumb? that he stays in the closet at work. But that is his decision, right? And you have known this for years, right? And you agreed to keep your mouth shut, but now the lying is getting to you. And you wait to get shit faced before you tell him how you feel. And while on a roll, you say some awful nasty things that you now regret.

They say, when the booze goes in, the truth comes out. They also say that alcohol doesn't excuse anyones behavior, especially when you do or say wicked things. If you were tipsy and knocked over the heirloom lamp, you could offer to fix it. But you knocked over trust and a friendship instead, and you don't even sound too damn sure that you want to fix that.

If I were your roommate I would put in my two week notice at work and then start looking for a new roommate. I'm not down with being in the closet, I came out young. But he has a right to be in the closet, especially at work, and he doesn't have to justify it either. And I'm not down with anyone being a male pig (are you over stating that?). But you had plenty of time to back out of the arrangement, even if it was only to say that you couldn't or wouldn't carry on with the charade anymore. Period.

2)
How should you fix this? Let your conscience be your guide.