Yet another confusion issue, bear with me.

Ok, I'm a 16 year old guy. I've known for a while that I'm bi, though I've only told about five or six of my friends. The thing is that recently I haven't really been turned on by girls. I mean it's easy for me to recognize hot girls and stuff like that, but it's they're not really a turn-on or a turn-off for me. In comparison, hot guys = teh boner. The twist is that I can't really see myself in a relationship with a guy. That might be partially due to social stigma, but I think I just don't think I'm really emotionally attracted to guys.

Summary:
Sexually: Guys yes, girls whatever.
Emotionally: Guys probably not, girls yes.

So my question is this: Do you think this is just like a phase or something, or is it just me kind of getting used to who I am? Are my sexual instincts telling me that I'm really gay and is social stigma influencing my emotions too much?

I just want to hear some opinions, advice, more questions, thoughts, whatever.

Thanks,
Aaron

 

Sounds like pretty much every bisexual guy I've ever met. I can't really offer much advice, it must be a bit of a drag to have your drives split like that, but just so you know, it's not uncommon and you shouldn't worry too much about it.

 

hey, I'm like that too heh... chicks are hot but I'm very picky about who to potentially date, whereas most guys are a lot more dateable.

sounds like you're just on the sexual spectrum more to one side than the dead centre. perfectly normal way to feel

 

It seems to be very common for people to have sexual but not emotional attraction to both sexes, or sexual attraction to one sex and emotional attraction to another. Have you found that to be the case?

Personally I don't find guys that emotionally attractive either, but I'm kind of stuck with it.

 

Hey Aaron:

No one has got the answer to your question. And it is pretty safe to assume that you might be the first one to get there, once the necessary time lapses. A significant number of guys go through their own search for their sexual identity. You are 16 and that is probably the best of times to experiment without setting anything in stone yet.

You see yourself as a bisexual at present. Few close friends know about it and the whole set up feels relatively all right for you at the moment.

You find men sexually more attractive than women and feel like acting on that impulse. Yet, emotionally, men don't seem to be doing it for you. Is the notion of social stigma attached to homosexuality clouding your view of the matter here? Very likely so. Yet, you want to look into this in greater detail. How much of that stigma is really there in substance and how much of it is hype coupled with lots of hot air creating a popular but rather empty social clichee?

IMHE, the extent of stigmatization you may suffer from largely depends on you. If your being gay now alieniates few of your friends from you, it is well-worth asking yourself, if these people really cared about you or about your willingness to possibly sacrifice your personal happiness in order to conform with the prevailing societal values that do nothing to anyone but grant the complaint a level of popularity. That popularity might at times be rather flattering but just like all the flattering, it is void of any substance whatsoever.

A few have felt stigmatized and thus, disadvantaged in their careers, too. Yet, the society is largely moving forward on these issues and an increasing number of people do not relate your sexual orientation to your career in any fashion. On the contrary, a number of global corporate recruiters are actually giving preference to gay applicants when it comes to recruiting for key positions that carry weight and bring substantial income. Discrimination in reverse, you may say, but based upon sound statistical research and the fact that no one knows better what's good for the Big Money than the Big Money itself.:X

So, where do you want to go from here? You want to appraise your own, personal situation. How far would the stigmatization hurt in your case? How far would it hurt your future prospects? How important is it for you to be 'out and open' about your sexual preference? You want to weigh down all the pros and cons that are specific to your position and decide what is right for you. There are no universal truths here and no all-winning strategies to be shared on the matter. This is where you call the shots.

IMHO, most men view sex as a largely separate issue from that of emotional relationships. Frightening as this may sound, you may want to start thinking about the matter, the causes and consequences. You might wish to start formulating your own views on this issue and you might wish to share your own truths with us here?

Take care and do not hesitate to ask and express your views here...

KD

 

The first thing I would suggest is not to get all worried and bothered about a label. These things have a way of sorting themselves out sooner or later.

Another thing to do is to meet as many different people now as you can. However, don't rush into any sexual or emotional involvement. When you fall in love, you'll probably know about it. Don't have sex until you're reasonably sure you're ready for sex. Another good idea is not to have sex when you've been drinking or using other substances. Keep your mind and your judgment clear, especially before the first experiences. That way you know it's your heart and not some chemical talking to you.

 

yeah, im exactly like that too.

 

Thank you all for your responses.

 

Fuck the dudes, and date the chicks. Quite simple really.

 

I don't think it's that simple.

 

I have over simplification tendencies, but other people can fill in the rest. I just start ideas, I don't finish them.

 

I think sage dreamer is dead on. Don't push to label yourself, things will sort themselves out eventually. Just follow your instincts for now, and the answer will become clear after a while.

 

hellopeople -that's very astute.

 

I would think at your age dont worry about a relationship. Even many relationships at your age are called "relationships" only because it is a girl/boy one. Of course this is much more accepted by the social side. So therrefore it is easier for you to deal with. But if you like a gay guy you like him, you adore him, you cling to him, you feel great with him but only that society does not accept that (getting better though). That hangs on your mind; so therefore relationship sounds taboo. Don't think of it as a relationship. Just think of it as someone you feel good being with. And if you can't let people know you love him or want to be with him, then don't tell anyone. Just be kewl about it and go with it. Your feelings will sooner or later tell you.