so stupid (hits head on keyboard)

what is it with young women who get themselves into these "irreversible" funks?
i'm talking to this girl online who is absolutely "heartbroken" over loosing her "love," who left her for a temporary exchange student a few years younger. She thinks SHE'S in the red. she thinks SHE is the one who fucked things up.

She's addicted to pitying herself. she goes on and on about attending Sex and Love anonymous meetings, AA meetings, drug meetings... she's addicted to people telling her "ooh, i'm sorry, dear."

" because they temporarily/permanatly fill up the voids i feel in myself..." she says.

i just don't get it.

all it would take to change is a shift in the state of mind. No matter who says that to her she won't hear it. it's a comfortable state of misery to live in i suppose... but why do so many young people choose to be there?

 

Hate to sound like a broken record, but it's the hormones. When you're a teenager, everything is a catastrophe. The best you can do is keep reassuring her that the situation wasn't her fault in the least. But don't lose patience, either. That will only reinforce her already negative self image. Besides, you said that the exchange student is only temporary, right? At worst, when she goes back home, the guy will want the friend back, and come crawling on his knees. Trust me, that's a major self esteem boost...

 

Eh, fuck hormones. I've been a teenager for a nice 4 years and had the awkward rebellion mess for an additional 3ish years before that and I never once thought that everything in the world that happened was a catastrophe. The ones that think that way are drama queens...if you can't think realistically and see things in a realistic light then I'm afraid that problem is in your personality or developmental stages...and yes hormones play a part in it but you can't always blame it hormones because I do believe I have just as many hormone fluctuations and irregularities as any other person and I certainly don't think like that way and never have. I think sometimes people use that as an excuse for having some emotional issues themselves.

And I’ve also found that sometimes when people think they’re so depressed or something like that, they really aren’t. They just label themselves that with absolutely no reason to and then they feel like they have to live up to that label, that’s where the actual depression behavior comes in. Had they not labeled themselves that, they never would act or feel that way. I’ve had quite a few friends that do that…and no matter what you tell them that if they’d just stop SAYING they’re depressed, they’ll actually stop being depressed, some just won’t listen because they’ve got themselves convinced. That’s another emotional issue, not the “depression” itself, but the fact that they can think they’re one thing and actually convince themselves of it. That’s not so normal.

And you asked why GIRLS are always the ones to do this…well I think that if society hadn’t conditioned boys into thinking they had to be big tough men and didn’t need to show any of these “emotional problems” then they’d be acting the same exact way. Of course brain chemicals, developments, hormones, body chemistries, etc play a part but I think it’s mostly the “Boys don’t cry” thing.

And then of course in this case like you said, I think she’s just used to having people pity her. I once had a friend that loved to get pity, she’d just act depressed all the time and dwell on stupid shit just so people would comfort her and feel sorry for her. Of course that wasn’t her goal, but she just got stuck in that mind set and began to like the attention it brought…even if she didn’t realize it. I’d say this girl is just another one that’s gotten caught up in the drama queen-esque life style that so many of these girly girls are in and she’s just conformed to it and convinced herself of it and just simply gotten used to it.

Show her my post, see if she identifies with any of it. Of course she’s probably going to think that she doesn’t right off the bat, but maybe it’ll get her thinking. I’d really like to talk to this girl, how old is she?

 

That's a terrible generalization on your part to say it's the hormones. There could be several attributing factors to consider. Mental disease, diet or food allergy, just to name a few.

 

she's only 18. i'd give you here aim or something but i'm positive she'd be dramatically "pissed" that i "gossiped" about her.

but i told her all of that... that if she just stepped back and realized SHE was in charge of her own mood, she could change it (though it was said in a far more suave manner). i think i kind of convinced her... or pointed out something new...

...and yet i doubt she'll change. even when she acknowledges that she feeds off the pity, that doesnt change that it's comfortable for her. it's an easy way for her to survive.


i guess there's a reason for everything.

it just disturbs me that so many young women/people waste their time feeling sorry for themselves perpetually. //sigh.

 

Oh yes I know, isn't it almost sickening? It's so ridiculous...it really is. And there's absolutely no way to change it, that's just frustrating.