Ashamed?

last night, i was chilling w/ 1 of my friends hes a gothic kid, like has no friends and shit, is always fucked up on opiates, depressed. well i was hanging at his house, and we were chilling in his room w/ anotehr 1 of my friends, and well his step dad came in, his real dad died. anyways his step dad comes in and says " YOUR FRIENDS LEAVE NOW!" and the kid whos goth named kyle, is like no why? and the step dad grabs him by the neck, slams him into the wall, grabs him ina head lock and starts sockign him in the head, then kyle escapes it, byut the dad ggrabs his hand around his throat and kyl;e falls over onto his bed, with his step dad clingin over him just choking him. and i just stood there and watched this. i feel like such a piece of shit, well the otehr kid that was in the room, ran outside got the step dads 2 sons and kyles sister, and his mom, they came rushing in and the2 step brothers restrained the dad. but kyl;e got hsi ass kikd, and i feel so awful i diddnt stop it, i wanted to jack the guy in the face. but after it was all over and shit, this was like a 15 min thing the 2 step brotehrs had to wrestle tehre da to the ground. the reason they were all outside was because they were getting ready to leave. were so lucky that they were still outside and didnt leave yet. but i talked to kyle, and i asked him if this happens again for me to step in. and hes like im gonan fucking kill him if he keeps beatign me. and im like ok next time this happens i got your back. and this kid got suspended from school because he had some xanax bars. im angry at the fuckignm school, they dont know what kyle goes through, he gets beaten up ona daily bases from his step dad. its the most rediculas thing ever. kyle lives there w/ his mom. thankfully the step brotehrs were over that night.. man that was so fucked up.. but i feel so guilty i diddnt do anything... fuck man.. just when i saw the dad he was all red faced and furious and shit. i was to much of a bitcgh to do somthing, but god damnit i didnt even fucking try! and now im pissed at the school cause they suspend him for havign drugs, the reason he takes drugs is to forget about the shitty life he lives.. this is such bullshit.. and all the kids make fun of kyle cause he wears all black and has long hair and shit.. its fucking bullshit. next time it happens im gonna stick up for him, i swear im gonna defend this kid in school for now on. this is rediculas he takes so much shit from everyone.

 

1 reason i stood there was because i was drinking/high/ on 1 xanax bar. so i was pretty fucked up, but i did understand what was going on. and all that shit actually sobered me up some. GOD DAMNIT! if this shit happens again, im gonna try and restrain the dad.

 

i completely understand where you comin from mista... all that i can say is shitty things happen to the best of people whether you wish them or not and that is something we call life... fair or unfair it will contine to catch up with us all. this may not be good advise but I;'ve beem been ther and honestly for me... remembering and being ok with myself aftward were key so be there for you friend. you practically family now!

 

What was the step dad's rationale for attacking your friend? Was it the drugs being consumed under his roof? I'm not saying that his actions were justified but there are two sides to every story. What you described certainly was uncalled for but perhaps you could find a better place to be taking xanax bars and toking up. Just a thought.

 

Child Protective Services need to be called. No child should have to live with such a violent person.

Whether the kids were getting high or not was not the problem, there are better ways to handle this (I don't allow it in my house, but I don't hit my kids, either.)

Beating a child is CHILD ABUSE, and as a witness, you have an obligation to report it.

Call 1800 4 A CHILD. Try to be polite, don't call when you are high, don't use slang, and JUST state the facts, not your opinions of what happened. You may save your freind's life, or at least save him from a life of misery and sadness.

Good luck. Good freinds TELL when they know abuse is going on. If this man did this when there were witnesses, what do you think he does when no one is looking? My God, no wonder this boy has so many problems.

If your freind is over 18, the police should be called and a batter charge can be brought against the step father. WHAT KIND of mother would allow someone to beat her son? That is my question. The poor kid.

 

What Maggie is very true but at least in the case of MJP, he's 18... legally an adult. I'm assuming that the goth friend is 18 or close to it.

BTW- if you're thinking of legal reprisals you might want to be extra sure the authorities won't find anything illegal on you or your friend lest your actions result in you getting busted.

 

the goth friend is actually a sophmore and hes younger then me, not sure of age, he just has no friends and im a nice guy and ill hang out w/ anyone long as tehre cool. the dad diddnt know we were doign drugs. he was just drunk. and drunk people are violent and attack people for no reason. his dad had no idea what we were doing, we was on ground sitting by his little table thing. jjust listenign to music and chilling. his dad was just drunk. and a fucking psycho.

 

If your friend's mom isn't going to protect him then he needs to get out of that environment. He can't count on his step brothers intervening on his behalf. It's time to enlist the involvement of the authorities... basically do as Maggie Sugar suggested. You were witness to a crime. If you allow it to go unresponded to then you enable it to happen again. Good luck.

 

ok listen, me and this kid were performing in illegal activities, but u know what. we wernt hurting no one, we was in his room, we wernt out drivign durnk or nothing. we was ina safe envirnment, just gettign fcuked up and listenign to music in his room. im a very peaceful person. but u dont know me, so u wouldnt know my personality. i dont give a shit what ur doing, u dont have a right to hit anyone. regardless or not if some teens were drinking and smoking. the step dad diddnt even know. he was too drunk to comprehend teh fact we were doing illegal stuff, he was just drunk and wanted to fight someone.. but the kid kyle coudnt do shit to him, because he was pretty messed up. mayeb if his step dad stopped htiting him, kyle wouldnt have to take drugs to solve his problems. man the stress he must go through, i had no idea untill last night.. this kind of inspired me to defend kids like him.. i feel so awful. his real dad died and shit, hes all depressed and hes got a step dad who beats him up.. and the mom when she found out she was crying and screaming at her boyfriend or new husband or w/e he is. and was holding kyle, and being liek are u ok, and shit. the mom was pretty damn sincere for kyle. but whats a skinny mom gonan do. beat up a mmiddle aged enraged drunk mad man? are u kidding me.. but i talked to kyle and he said that if im around when he gets attacked again hed appreciate it if i stepped in. now taht i got permission next time im around when this happens I WILL step in.

 

i talked to kyle about it on AIM, he said its fine dont do anything. hes probbly scared that his step dad will kill him or somthing. but hes like plz dont tell anyone about what happened last night. i made a promise to him i woudlnt tell anyone.

 

stinkfoot why does it seem like your defending the stepdad???

 

fcuk.. i cant imagine the beating his step dad gave him the day the school called him and said kyle had xanax bars w/ him in school... holy shit.. cause after that his step dad threw out all his glass bongs his ashtrays, his oil burners, his incense holder, his glass bowl, his weed.. they raided his room, and tossed out like $300 worth of stuff. maybe if his step dad smoked a little pot hed chill out. or listend to some lennon records or somthing.. honestly... im pretty sure that his step dad gave him a good beat down for that. i didint hear from kyle lfor like a good 7 days after he got caught. probbly cause he had black eyes and shit. he had a 2 day suspension.. yet he didnt show up for school for like a week and a 1/2 later. now i know why.. holy shit...

 

I hear you.

Skinny mom can send boyfriend packing. She can have said boyfriend arrested-- there ARE things she can and should do to protect her son. If she fails to do so then she enables it to continue. Trust me on this one, I've lived the abusive environment myself... alcoholic dad exacted both physical and emotional abuse on me and an older sister. Mom did nothing. When dad started threatening me with his gun I took a nice fresh set of bruises on my shin where he had kicked me and showed a high school guidance counselor. Within a week I was a ward of the state and placed in a foster home. Shortly after that mom left dad.

I'm not saying that doing drugs in his house is juistification for a beating- it isn't... but clearly any room under that brute's roof isn't safe- whether you're drinking, toking, or playing video games. The step dad is like a wild animal and that house is his cage. Your friend needs to get out of the cage pronto.

 

I'm not. Please read my posts carefully before making such an accusation.

 

yah well its not that easy, step dad owns the house( i think). were will mom and sophmore son live? u know people kill there wives and shit for causing trouble. step dad doesnt know hes doing anything wrong, if he gets arrested who does he blame? the step son and his wife.. bam he coudl shoot them or somthing. id be pretty furious if i went to jail, if i thought i did nothing wrong. get waht im saying? im plannong on takign some philosophy and psychology classes. i dont know how the brain works, and how people think. i dont know enough. im still in highschool. but maybe ina year or so after i take some psychology classes i get a beter knwoping of why peopel act how they do.

 

all im saying is its more complicated then JUST leaving. i dont know there situation. this is the first time ive seen him getting beaten. i dont know how often it happens or anything. and im not sure i schould ask him. cause its kind of rude, and id be butting in tehre family buisness.. anwyays i dunno just leave more feedback. and when i get home later ill read it and follow up on the comments.
peace,
jared

 

Jared

First, you have my respect for your willingness to stand by and step in for your friend. Be careful you don't get yourself in a situation where you get hurt. Every situation is complex and has a character all its own but there can be found parallels. I grew up in an alcoholic environment and this appears to be a factor with your friend's step dad. All other things aside, as long as the step dad is allowed to drink and have access to your buddy then more such incidences as you witnessed are possible if not likely... chances are good that they will be more violent in the absence of witnesses. Your friend needs help. Pronto.

Now to attempt to dissect the various elements... there clearly is a history of violence and abuse between friend and step dad. I would bet that there is some unpredictability to them but there also must be triggering incidences, such as your friend getting caught at school with drugs. He has a role in minimizing attacks by keeping his nose as clean as possible so as not to draw the irrational wrath of the abuser. Also, drinking and doing drugs at his place is a bad idea. I might further suggest that he not try dealing with his stresses by using any drugs or alcohol as this is often how addictions start. However, I am in no way condoning what the step dad has been doing. While he does have a right to determining what goes on under his roof... if your buddy is busted and drugs are found in his room there's a good chance the step dad's property could be seized- HOWEVER-- it does not give him license to deliver a beating to anyone- let alone a minor!

As for the mom... it is her duty to protect her son. Failure to do so places him in further danger. If she is serious about ending the violence then she needs to plot an exit strategy- save enough money to get a place of her own and a safe haven for her son. Meanwhile- is there a safe place for him to hang out? Perhaps a relative or friend can put him up?

What kind of person is step dad when he isn't drinking? Is alcohol detox an option? Make it clear to your friend that you are willing to listen should he want to talk. good luck

 

well mj i hope the best for u and ur friend. Being in an abusive situation is horrible and i really do feel for your friend ....best advice i can give you is to just stay beside him


oh and stinkfoot i never made an assumption,i only asked a question
i did throughly read your post and up until my question was asked i didnt see much in your post as helpful to the child involved
you kept asking what the father side of things was and what his rational was at the time???
like there is any rational that justifies beating a child senseless
You also stated that there is 2 sides to every story
even you saying that his side even had a chance at being justified worries me

 

Call CPS on the dad. You and your friends are witnesses to an uncalled for attack!
Hitting anyone is a no no period!

 

Being from a violent, alcoholic background, I'm going to bristle at the notion that I'm going to side with an abuser. The fact is that there are two sides to every story & if the minor takes a moment to consider where the abuser thinks he's coming from he may be able to minimize further incidences until he can secure safe haven. Clearly the mom, despite expressing her disapproval of what happened, has not done all she should do to at very least seperate the step dad from the minor. From what I understand, there is a history of repeated abuse- it had happened before and is almost certain to hap[pen again. Understanding the whole situation will make it more possible for a victim to extricate him or herself from it however...

In no way does my seeking two sides suggest that I think the abuse can in any way be justified. The step-dad is a monster who must be stopped.

Since the mom hasn't done all she can do to protect her son, he needs to assert a role in his own protection. Doing his best to avoid further incidences through some understanding of his attacker and what might trigger an episode until he or the abuser leaves the situation can't hurt.