so I met this really great guy J. through work and we almost immediately started dating. He found out I had lied about my exboyfriends calling me... I had told him I didnt talk to them anym ore because I didnt want him being mad about it, because he get jealous very easily. But after about 2 months of on again off again argueing, he read something in one of my writing books that he really didnt want to know about. Which was that I had been seeing my former boss from the company I worked for before I met him. We started argueing and he called me a slut and a whore, and he eventually hit me. I kicked him out and my parents now say he isnt allowed at our home. Things are not always bad between us, it just seems that we end up argueing about things I dont feel truthfully matter... things/people that were apart of my life before I met him and before we were together. I don't know what to do because now that he's not here I feel soo lost. I care about him so much, and even though we havent been together all that long it feels I've known him forever and I can't imagine growing old with anyone else. I talked to him the following night after I kicked him out and he started crying and saying he was sorry for hitting me, how he's never done such a thing before and how he hates himself more than I ever could for it. But he also said he doesnt see us being able to be together because we'd end up killing each other. I honestly don't know what to do... I know I started these problems by lying to him... but I dont know how to fiz it now. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated... I feel so lost and I dont know what to do.. I miss him so much, and I know I shouldnt trust him because he hit me once before... but when is enough enough? Is there a chance that it was a one time thing and it would never happen again? Or is this something I should walk away from and accept that I fell in love with someone that I will never be able to change?
violence commited against someone in this relationship, means it is a bad fucking relationship to be in maybe in a year or two retry it. but now.. you two need to be away from each other, to not interact with one atnoerh, to grow up
Walk away darlin'. No, run away. Please. Just calling you names is a form of abuse, not to mention that he hit you. Whether he knows it or wants to accept it, he is an abuser. No matter how many times he says he's sorry, I'm gonna say that there's a 98% chance it will happen again. If he seeks help and shows you he HAS changed (not that he can, or will, or wants to,) maybe you can think about it, but you must know that this is not good and not right, and the feeling that you can't live without him will lessen over time. Take it from someone who's been there. You are smart to ask questions, I blindly accepted what I was dealt for too long. What's in your past is what's in your past. He has no right to call you names over it and accuse you of things, no matter what you told him (or didn't tell him) to begin with. It is beyond enough. Get out and stay out. My two cents, Roxana
If he hits you with no just reason, you have every right to: (1) Kick him in the balls. (2) Run away. In whichever order you decide. But don't stick around, if he hits you just because you slept with someone else beforehand.
You not only need to stay out of this relationship, you need to understand why you shouldn't even have to question the decision to do so. I mean, you felt compelled to hide conversations, as well as your past (!!!) for fear of your boyfriends response, which was basically instincts warning you the guy's trouble... a great big red flag. Then he finds out, starts with the name calling and then hits you. Run and don't look back. Actually, what you should really do is learn about abusive relationships. The reason (and I'd bet money on this) that you feel so lost without him is because either you had low self esteem to begin with, or he shattered it. These people need weak people that they can control, and if you don't start out that way, they will be working on making things more to their liking. There are so many common factors involved in them... were you to join a support group you'd probably see them referred to as clones... in most cases these people read like textbooks, which is why you'll hear people more experienced tell you that they will cry and swear it's the first time it's happened, that it'll never happen again, that they'll change; but you can't take the chance. It probably won't happen, it just doesn't work that way. For example, he said you guys should probably not stay together because "you'll kill each other." Tell me, what exactly is it that you've done to warrant inclusion in that statement, other than be referred to in such an offhanded fashion as the one that'll end up paying that price? Please, make no excuses for him. If anything, count yourself lucky that you found out what kind of person he is before the relationship went on longer. It's a sad way of looking at it, but believe me, it can get much, much worse.
Most replies here already said the things i would say but i still have a couple of things to add on my own. A guy who hits once, hits twice and by the time u realize, it became an everyday thing and believe me that's something you dont want to live. This kind of behavior is not normal, i mean i've seen it a lot but is not ok. That kind of jealousy always ends up in violence because he's not being able to understand u had a life before u even met him, just like he had da life too. The fact that u lied to him was because u knew that if u told him the truth he would be upset and u were kinda afraid that was going to happen, that's not right. You should be able to trust him and tell him everything without being scared of pissing him off, and of course he shouldn't be upset about stuff like that, that's just silly and immature. My advice is that you try your best to move on and forget about him, that will not end up good.
my wife works in a shelter for abused women ..only advice i can give you is .......RUN,GIRL,RUN........no amount of apologizing should sway you .he'll only apologize again the next time he hits you .the relationship is doomed from the start .....
Oh honey, ((((((hugs!!!)))))) Everything everyone has said already is true. Here are a few other things you can check for yourself: How does he treat animals? Not just pets, but things like squirrels in a park & such too. How does he treat his mom &/or sister? and How does he treat young children? Unless he treats absolutely ALL of these with the utmost of decorum & respect, I would run away from that relationship as fast as I can & thank whoever you believe in that you escaped before it got really bad. Honey, I know a lady who married a man with a "bad temper." He would yell at her for silly things, and she would chalk it up to temper. Every once in awhile he'd strike out at her. She'd leave & spend the night at her mothers house, and he'd come over on bended knee, begging... sometimes for DAYS until she came back to him. He'd woo her, he'd be a gentleman, and he'd swear it would never happen again. And I'm positive that he really meant it too. But it did happen again. This lady stayed with him for years, and it got worse. One night she dared to serve him a lukewarm supper when he got home late from dinner, and he SHOVED HER DOWN THE STAIRS!!! And then he followed her down, and beat her to a pulp. The hospital called the police on him, and all the while she was defending him... saying he'd just had a tough day. That lady was my foster sister's mother. My sister lived with us for 2 1/2 years while her mom recovered from 8 fractured ribs, a cracked collarbone, 13 breaks across both of her arms, and a broken hip bone. I had to visit her in the hospital each & every week, and saw firsthand the effects of domestic violence. It doesn't go away. It gets worse. And honey... if you were my girl, I'd have you talk to a counsellor too. Girls who choose men like this and DON'T run the other way the moment they realize what they've gotten themselves into have insecurities that need to be worked out so they don't get into this type of situation again. I'll be praying for you. PLEASE take care of yourself!!! love, mom
Enough was the first time he hit you. Everything after that is going to be a nail in the coffin of your self esteem.
