How Important is coming out?

Sorry if this turns out to be another tedious "debate", but I'm just curious about one of the issues that has been raised on here:

How important is coming out?

I'm just wondering, because people seem to make it out like it's such an important thing, and that you're being dishonest if you don't. I'm just wondering how people really feel about that.

 

I don't really think it's that big of a deal, but I'm sure the people I tell think otherwise.

 

I think it's important to come out to close friends whom you can trust, because then it provides you with a sense of validation among your peers. Anything further is probably not so important.

 

I think it's important... but for the individual coming out, not htose around them. I mean, it gives you a sense of peace, of acceptance if the people you tell are ok with it, even encouraging. Most of my friends know I'm bi, so do my mom and dad. Makes you more comfortable in your own skin

 

I just think it's a bit oversold, to be honest. I mean, great if it actually does make you feel better, but I think it does a lot of people more harm than good to be encouraged to tell everyone. They rush into it when they're depressed, thinking it's going to make them happy, and more often than not fuck it up.

 

Whether you should come out depends to some extent on the attitude of the people in the area in which you live. If you live in a small village where people kill gay people, then you shouldn't come out. If you live in a large city that has an area where gay people live peacefully, you should definitely come out, if that will help you fit into the population there. Between these two extremes there are many variations. For instance, if for some reason you find yourself dwelling for a long period within a neighborhood consisting primarily of young families, your neighbors might very strongly prefer that their own children grow up to be heterosexual and reproduce and raise families of their own. If this is the case, you might do yourself and the gay community no good by making an issue of your gayness. This is an unpopular attitude with some gays, but remember, those who object to this typically have no children of their own and sometimes are unsympathetic to those who do, and, by forcefully insisting on going against the predominate accepted practice in a society, they make it harder for you and me to live peacefully within our own gay forms of existence. We do not have an obligation to change other people who are happy in their own style of living, any more than they have a responsibility to change us, and, therefore, we do our best by living our own lives as well as we can, within the context within which we find ourselves. If we become involved in altering the world, we can only achieve that if we totally dedicate ourselves to a cause other than our own lives, and, if we choose that, we must thereby also diminish the wisest potentiality of our own existence.

 

I am out. But I am out on a need to know basis.
My friends and family need to know, so they do.
People at work usually find out as soon as they try to set me up on a date with a girl.
I have never introduced myself at a party, event or super market with, "hello, I'm gay." It would be funny though. :X

But staying in the closet depends on why you want to do that. A lot of closeted men make endless excuses for themselves and why they aren't like the "typical" gay person. So they feel they have no connection to the gay community and no reason to come out. I don't see how that's healthy either. Some of the GLBT communities biggest detractors are closet cases.

 

I think SC's point is valid. Rather than getting swept up in your passion and telling people that you are gay, you should consider the practical implications. I think it depends less on where you live and more on whom you tell. Closeted homosexuality can cause quite a bit of grief and so you must have someone to support you. So, you should come out to a very close, trusted friend.

Anything beyond that though can be risky, and like SC said, people often fekk it up. You will be labeled, like it or not, and people will judge you. Parents can flip out and bridges will inevitably be burnt. As such, you have to take it slowly, and be discreet about it.

Having been in the closet, and then out, and then back in, and now back out, I can say that it is not a nice place to be. However, the alternative can be much worse. This is why you have to be so careful not to mess it up.

 

This is a tough one for me because I'm a little bit of both. I'm still in the closet to my family, due to their absolute intolerance of homosexuality. I could tell them, but do I really want to do that and lose my family? Other than their prejudice, they've been very good to me and have helped me out a lot when I've been in need. And overall, they're good people. Do I throw all that away for the sake of "coming out"? Just doesn't seem worth it to me.

On the other hand, I did miss out on the chance at a great relationship with a guy due to my closeted nature. He didn't like being a secret and I can't say that I blame him. But it might have been for the best as I've found the love of my life and we're very happy. But there's always that "what if" that runs through my mind.

I also like the fact that I waited a while to come out to my friends so they could have an opinion of me before hearing about my sexuality, as I don't wish to be defined by that alone as many others are, thanks to society's views and stereotypes. My sexuality is a PART of who I am, not the WHOLE.

 

I think it's very important. If you never come out, it could create a wedge in some friendships or family relationships beceause of possible awkwardness, etc.

I'm coming out to my parents sometime this year....wish me luck.

 

Hm well I've noticed that the more I'm out to people the less significance there is to it....

 

agreed.

 

Yes, coming out is oversold.

The important thing is coming out for the right or wrong reason. If you see coming out as a confession of some terrible, dark secret, don't do it. If you see a constructive reason for coming out, go for it. The important thing is to follow your heart.

 

I just don't like this idea that keeping your sex life to yourself is somehow atrocious. I thought about coming out to my grandparents (as oppose to waiting for them to die), but then I figured I wouldn't be talking to them about my sex life if I was straight so why bother? If it just came up, yeah, I'd tell them, but it doesn't. They regularly ask me if I'm "courting", but so far through good timing the answer has always honestly been "no".

 

Nah. Not important. Well... I guess 'being in the closet' implies concious hiding... but for some people they're not hiding and they're not exhibiting either.

There should be some slang for not being in the closet, but not going out of the way to tell everyone, either. Like... I'm in the bathroom. Or I'm hanging out in the kitchen. lol

What do you guys think? We should come up with something. Hey what about... I'm in the closet but the door is open! Or unlocked!

 

Well, while I'm generally not in favour of adding to the glut of gay slang that's doing the rounds, I think there's something to be said for it, even if half the point of being out but not proud enough to dress like a tool is that you don't really have much use for gay slang.

On an aside, Tom Cruise won't let them show the "Trapped In The Closet" episode of South Park in this country

Fortunately, you can see it right here.

 

I think the word you're looking for, White Ginger, is "down to earth" or "well adjusted".

 

lol-- Perfect, Henry!!

(Selfcontrol... I was having some fun. I don't condone the casual use of labels )

 

Same. If I was as angry all the time as I sound on here I'd probably have had a couple of heart attacks by now.

 

:sunglasse