I need some help here ......

OK I live with my father but my parents have joint custody and my mother gives me full permission to move out when i am 17, my father is aware that I can in fact move out at 17 because in illinois the police wont do anything about. My dad has seen other kids move out at 17 and their parents went to the police and they said there is nothing they can do about because they are 17. I know that i have consent from my mother, I know that they will still be responsible for my actions like if i do something horrible they have to pay for it and such, but they cant make me go home. Is there really anything else i need to know?
I have a place to stay my mom knows where i am going my dad really wont.....Im stilling going to go to school never gonna ditch have a job and possibly get married
I have givin this alot of thought like about a years worth....
-thank you-
Wynter
P.s I needed a little help from you guys.

 

Hon, I live in Illinois, and know people who work for DCFS, in IL you are a minor until your 18th birthday. Saying "The police won't do anything about it." is a bit naive.

I have NO idea where you get the idea that "the police" tell parents of 17 year olds they can't do anything. They have to.

No, but they can put you into a group home. Foster homes, for girls your age are hard to come by, and usually often pedophiles request teenage girls, you are probably better off in a group home.

Most children, who are considered run aways (which is what you will techically be, unless your parent's make you an emacipated minor, or put you into the foster care system) WILL be picked up my DCFS and placed in a group home. Your dad and mom have a LEGAL obligation to take care of you, if he doesn't, then DCFS will get involved. They cannot legally "give" you the OK to move out, unless they are still supporting you and giving you close supervision. Lazy parents don't get to just throw away teens when they get difficult to care for. THAT is why DCFS will take a child under the age of 18 (and in this day and age, there is talk of requiring a parent to care for their children for even longer than 18 years, and I am all for it. I have a 19 year old, a 17 year old, a 14 year old and a 6 year old baby. Even the 19 year old, who has been working (as well as going to school) since she was 16 can't support herself.

In order to be an Emacipated Minor, you need to prove you are able to support yourself, and cannot quit school. Because of this, Emancipation is pretty rare in Illinois. Your parents just can't say, "I'm sick of taking care of this kid. So, it's OK." It isn't LEGAL for them to do so. Most police WILL take in a run away. (or a throw away, which is just as common.)

WHY do you want to be on your own so young? Look at your income now. That is about what you can expect for the rest of your life, if you don't finish school and go to college. And getting married is probably the worst thing you can do. The idea that you will be able to go to college, while supporting yourself, or helping to support a husband is not a workable thing, for most people. Unless you need VERY little sleep, and have a very good job, and can easily get good grades, and get a really good student scholarship until you get your degree.

I can't see the logic in your plans. I am not trying to upset you, but I have kids your age, and children your age usually are just not meant to be on their own. Yeah, a few do it. Most end up living a life of poverty. That just isn't right. I am only posting this because I have kids your age, and I care.

YOUR PARENTS have a legal and moral obligation to take care of you. They can't just throw you away. I can't beleive people like this just have this attitude towards teenagers, My teens need me a much as my baby does. In a different way, of course, but damn, in this day and age, 17 is, for the most part MUCH too young to be on your own.

 

Totally agree with Maggie.

I'm 20, and my brother is a little older than you. We would both be totally screwed without our parents help. Am in full time education, have a place of my own, and it's hard work. You will be dirt poor, thrown in at the deep end having to deal with household maintanence issues you've never dealt with before (bill paying, landlords, truly budgeting etc). It's hard to do at any age but cannot imagine taking that on so young.

Being a 'grown up' is not a game. It is hard, boring, scary and expensive. You have to know thing that never even occured to you before ...
* Where would you live, are you seriously going to stay there your whole life? (far as I know you cannot get a morgage/lease until you are 18)
* How would you finance yourself?
* Do you know how to run a household?
* Budget for this lifestyle, how will you find a job that will pay enough to suppourt it but still give you enough hours free for school?
* If everything goes down the tubes where will you go, and what suppourt will have?

Am British so cannot comment on the legal issues, but really why can you not wait at least a year? time goes so fast during your teens it's not real hardship and you can really prepare yourself for it. I know it can seem really cool and a good idea to be grown up, but think long and hard about what you're doing. This will affect the rest of your life, and from hindsight teens don't always make the best choices and it's near impossible to know what you really need/want in the long term.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

I left the comfort and safety of my parents home when I was 19, after just one year of college.

Let me tell you, I've now been out of their house for almost 9 months, and I can't seem to find a job that will allow me to make NEAR enough money to support myself on my own. Right now, I'm living with my boyfriend and he's the only one working. We are barely scraping by on his income while I try to find something. It's damned near impossible to find a job with just a high school diploma.

And trying to move out, go to HIGH SCHOOL, and get a job at the same time is impossible. My friend tried that his senior year. He was living on his own, working, and trying to go to school. He ended up so tired from working really late hours to keep up with his bills, that he couldn't get to school on time. He ended up quitting. And he's back at home already. He's not even 20.

And I can account for stupid mistakes a teen would make without thinking about it. I came out here to Seattle to have a bit of fun, take care of myself, and go to a different university. Instead of planning on going back to uni in the fall, I'm planning for a baby in May. You just never know what's going to come at you, especially as a teen when everything is a brand new experience. Adult life, in all reality, SUCKS.

Put it off for a while.

 

well i got my info from the police, social worker, dcfs, youth services,counciler, and my parents. They all say the same thing. So i think i am the one right here......I think it also is a big step up from when my sister lived on her own at 14 years old.

 

well my bf is paying for everything mostly i have a part time job after school for 2 hours. You really dont understand my situation. And I really dont think you want to.

 

and i dont want fucking emanicated

 

you really dont know what you are talking about.
any age below 17 they can and will make you go home, but at age 17 you do not have to go, and are rarely charged as a runaway. Dcfs says that your parents are still responisble for you but they cant make you go home because you are so close to the age of 18. And I really do think ihave researched it enough to know it you should look at my list, btw dcfs has been coming to our home for about 6 years because of my dad.
and i am in fact already taking college classes.

 

don't throw your life away. Think long and hard about this guy you think might marry you. If you have any doubts or niggling little fears, don't do it. Think about what you want out of life. Is this it? Is this where you want to be ten or twenty years from now?


true story:
When I was 20, I agreed to marry a very good friend of mine. I was in college, working full time to pay my own way, thought it would be easier with a husband to share bills and stuff. I didn't listen to all those people, everyone I knew, asking me "why" or telling me how hard it would be. None of their horror stories was going to happen to me, but the reality was far worse than anyone ever expected.... ...fast forward a year, I'm 21, married to an alcoholic who quit his job the day we got back from our honeymoon and refused to find a new job or keep one for longer than a few days. I had to work no less than 50 hours a week as a waitress and bartender to pay our bills and dropped out of school because I couldn't hack the stress. (do you really think you can make enough in tips to pay for a decent place to live? think again. Do you know how hard it is to work full time and go to school even part time? You cannot give 100% to either pursuit, and they both suffer for it. Boss is mad at you because you can't give your all to work, and professors are pissed because you aren't putting enough effort into school. And just forget about how much work it is to be married and live with another human being.) I had bleeding ulcers. I was unable to sleep. Physically I was a wreck, and wasn't doing any better emotionally either. I know good and well you don't think that will happen to you. All I want you to do is think about my story, and figure out how to avoid it at all costs. I did eventually get divorced, luckily before he hurt me too bad. And I did eventually manage to go back to school and get my degree. And I did eventually manage to marry a wonderful man who treats me right and we now have two beautiful children. But it didn't have to be so hard or take so long to get here from there.

Even with my college degree, I doubt I could live comfortably on what I could reasonably expect to earn working full-time. It's no fun to live in a roach infested, damp, basement apartment. It's no fun to have bill collectors calling every day reminding you that you cannot afford to pay bills or even buy food. It's no fun having to eat whatever food they serve where you work or else not eat anything at all. Whatever is so terrible about living with your dad, it could be lots, lots worse.

 

WHERE do you live, and what social worker did you talk to, because she should lose her job. I live in Illinois, I work in Maternal Infant Care, I am a Mandated Reporter. I DO know what I am talking about, as I work with DCFS frequently. "Almost" 18 is NOT 18. I think you are living in a fantasy of things you want to be true.

Listen to the people here. They know what they speak.

 

i live in alberta..... as soon as you reach 16 here, not only are you aloud to leave and be completely self-reliant, but you parents can actually disown you if they want.

Consider yourself lucky that the temptation was there one year earlier...

 

Honey, I am NOT trying to upset you, but I know EXACTLY what I am talking about. I am a mandated reporter.


HERE are the LAWS in the state of Illinois regarding DCFS and what is required of parents, social workers ect.

ALL of this is directly from the Department of Children and Family Services of Illinois website. Anyone who told you differently than what this says is lying, and is also criminally negligent.



EIGHTEEN means EIGHTEEN not "almost" EIGHTEEN. If you have real data disputing what the LAWS in Illinois are, please, feel free to post them here (with a direct reference to the site where you obtained them.) If not, then what you are proposing is AGAINST THE LAW and your parents and any police or social worker who supposedly told you that leaving at 17 is "OK" is criminally negligent.

They can, and will take custody of you, if you are abandoned by your parents, AND your parents can and will face CRIMINAL charges of child neglect, if they encourage you to leave. I didn't make this up, the state goverment did.

Again, I am NOT trying to upset you. But you are being NEGLECTED by the very people who should be helping you. "Almost 18" doesn't enter into the equation, if you are under the age if 18 and your parents are not providing for you, or encouraging you to become delinquent, they are guilty of a crime. If you leave, not only will you most likely be taken into custody, but your parents (and any police or social worker who told you what you claim, which I have SERIOUS doubts is true) can and will be charged with a crime.

They have an OBLIGATION to keep you safe and provide you with what you need to live. IF you are being abused, or neglected, I strongly suggest you call 1 800 25 ABUSE, so you can get help. It is NOT legal for you to live on your own at 17, end of story. You are in danger if you do it.

 

OMG.

Honey, you are in a ABUSIVE enviroment. You probably need to get out, but NOT on your own. You will be safer in a Group Home. Your parents sound like real winners. Sheesh. YOU can do better, but becoming deliquent isn't the answer. I cannot beleive that ANY state agency refuses to help you, and simply tells you to become a throw away. As a Mandated Reporter, I would be more than happy to contact DCFS on your behalf and make SURE you are taken care of. You can PM me if you like. I would be happy to do it, and it WILL be done if you tell me your situation, area ect. You deserve better than to be thrown away, because your parents simply don't care about the child they chose to bring into the world.

I think that DCFS has a very different view of your family than you do. WHY your mother is protecting him is sick, and if she were worth the children she gave birth to, she would turn him in. I DO understand, and YOU DESERVE a safe place to live, with ADULTS who care about you, which looks like you certianly do NOT have at home. Call the child abuse hotline. Or give me the information to do it. There is still time to not become a statistic.
Beleive it or not, I care, and many other adults do as well.

 

IF this is true, it is really fucked up. WHY people like this breed is beyond my understanding. ANYONE who throws away a child should be jailed. JMO.

 

WynterFrost,

You really should stop for just a moment, take a look at this situation from the point of view of someone reading your posts and making conclusions based on information YOU are providing.

You've told us that you're going to be 17, leaving your parents' home, moving in with a boyfriend, working a job, and still trying to go to school. That signals for most of us (who are mommas or big sisters) memories of our own misguided youths.

Some of us did the SAME THING. We left our parents to be with our boyfriends. Our loving, supportive boyfriend who'd do anything for us. SO AMAZING, these men. But living together adds more stress than just financial. You're still very young, and despite all the maturity you possess (and I'm not saying you're not mature. I'm sure you are), you still have a lot more maturity coming your way. And forcing yourself to mature by thrusting yourself into a majorly adult situation is going to create in you and your relationship a lot of tension. You'll be changing and maturing and growing into the woman you are to become, and your man might not be so up for that. He might like you just as you are, or might not understand when you're changing why exactly you are.

On top of that, you have to think about what your guy will be experiencing. All of a sudden, he's going to have almost no time to himself. He'll go to work and then come home and be surrounded by people. What if he likes his private time? What if there are some idiosyncracies about him that you can't stand? or that he can't stand about you? Can you change? Are you willing? Is he?

Plus, you have to be able to balance your other friends and obligations with time with him. Not saying you are, but some girls can't handle being with a man but also being seperate from him.

This potential situation doesn't just entail your schooling and finances. There is so much going into this that is hidden until after you're IN that situation.

And you really should give a bit of creedence to Maggie Sugar. I know she sometimes comes across as harsh, but she's just a very passionate woman when it comes to the safety and security of kids, be them babies or teens. She doesn't mean to upset you, but she is genuinely worried for you, I'm sure.

We all are caring for you. We wouldn't say anything bad unless we wanted to make sure you were making the best decision for yourself.

And if you want, PM me. I know bad home situations. I lived in them all my life. If your homelife is so bad that you have to get away, I can lend a listening ear. Might make you feel better.

 

Freek is right, I didn't mean to come across as harsh, I have a strong personality. Child abuse fills me with rightous anger. I am NOT angry at YOU, wynter. I am angry at the adults in your life who are not acting like adults, but like selfish children.

PLEASE, there is help for you, that doesn't include becoming a Throw Away. You are worth MORE than that. Your future is worth more than that.

Womyn at the highest risk for Domestic Abuse are those who get married or move in with a boy to get away from their home situation. In fact, it is nearly a given. Seventeen is too young to have to take care of yourself. Damn, my kids had the stomach flu before Christmas, and both the 19 and 17 year olds were crying because they were so sick, and both had freinds who were out on their own and had no one to care for them. They were so thankful they had a mama to care for them (not often you get appreciated by kids this age, but this was a bad tummy flu.) My 19 yr old just had minor surgery and needed her dressings changed and her wound packed, into the wound, with gauze, in a sterile field, twice a day, there is no way she could have done it herself, and as nice as her boyfreind is, he just could not have done it properly.

Children your age need parenting, PLEASE. Talk to HippyFreak or myself, or call DCFS and talk to a real agent and get some help.

Beleive it or not, my anger is towards your parents, not you. I feel for you.

 

yeh, that's the point I was trying to make without coming right out and saying it. If your father is abusive, chances are very likely this boyfriend of yours is too. I know all about that viscious cycle, that is why I shared my story. If this boyfriend ever puts you down or belittles you, if he makes fun of you or makes decisions for you, if he tells you how to dress or how to fix your hair or makeup, if he puts down your friends or ever acts jealous, run as fast as you can in the other direction. My ex even "proved" to me that he wasn't an alcoholic by not drinking any alcohol for six months before we got married, but even without the substance problems there were warning signs that everyone else could see. I was blind to it, myself. I was young and foolish, and thought I was invincible. I thought love would fix his problems. I thought I could help him, but the reality was he was not willing to help himself and there was nothing I could do about that. It wasn't very long before the emotional and psychological abuse turned physical and he started throwing things, breaking things, hitting me, and it got really scary really fast.


I had been so much better off when I was living alone in my tiny apartment, going to school, living off my minimum wage job and financial aid. At least in my state, in 1987, you had to be paying your own taxes for two years to be independent of your parents, no matter what age you are, in order to qualify for financial aid as an "adult" student rather than a dependent of your parents. If your parents are still claiming you as a dependent on their taxes, you have to report their income on college financial aid forms, and you won't be eligible for much help in that respect. If I hadn't gotten married and dropped out of college, it wouldn't have taken me ten years to get my four-year degree. TEN years! That's over half of your entire lifetime! Where do you want to be ten years from now?

 

(sigh) I eloped with my boyfriend of over 3 years at 19. And I'm in MN, where the laws are nearly identical to IL. Here's what I have experienced...

First, neither one of us finished college though we were both honor students with a long list of grants & scholarships. My husband had to drop out to make enough to support us, and our home only cost us $310 per month in lot rent for a mouse infested mobile home, so we weren't living like royalty. I ended up having to drop out when I got pregnant, and we still can't afford to send either one of us back to college. We are just now after 11 years of marriage able to do things like save towards moving our home onto our own land. But to do this, since neither of us has a degree, my husband is working 77-90 hours per week EVERY week. This isn't a sob-story, this is reality. My husband hasn't worked less than 60 hours in a week since the day we were married. And he isn't going to be able to for at least the next 2 decades. That's life without a college degree.

Next, even though I was 19... NINETEEN and legally an adult in any of the 50 states you care to pick, I had to have emancipation papers signed by my parents & carry a copy of my marriage certificate with me at all times so I could do such simple things like pay the telephone bill & sign up for health insurance. The law may say 18, but there are literally hundreds of instances I ran into where if you're under 21, you need special paperwork to be considered an adult.

Also, babies happen. Birth control fails... even vasectomies are not foolproof. And no matter what you think your plans are gonna be, children change every single one of them. Wanna be a SAHM? That's awesome... plan on not seeing your husband very often. Wanna go back to work to help your husband pay the bills? Wonderful! But count on at least 2/3 of your income covering daycare expenses. Even if you have a loving grandmom or auntie willing to watch them for free, babies are expensive. And they only cost more as they get older. You never really catch up, you just get better at getting by on less.

I was 19 when I got married. We had been engaged for 2 1/2 years, so this was anything but an impulsive choice. I'd been filling my closet with things like tupperware and pots & pans, and all the things I'd need to start a home that entire time and when we were married I STILL didn't have half the "stuff" we needed. I thought I was prepared. I'd been caring for children for 7 years, and had gone to every child development & parenting class I could find. I knew kids, and how they grew. I'd worked with my husband both in a job and in volunteer work, so we knew we could work together. And we still struggled. Heck, we're still struggling. And I've got a preteen here that's about to go through a growth spurt & start outgrowing clothes & eating us out of house and home, so that struggle is only gonna get worse.

Go ahead & leave your parents the minute you turn 18. (not 17, I agree with everyone else here... 17 can land you in jail if you're lucky, and MUCH worse if you're not) But it isn't gonna be easy. I know you've thought long & hard about it. Believe me, so did I. I'd planned for 2 1/2 years, and I still wasn't ready. It's just not the "out" to your problems that you think it's gonna be.

I'm sorry if this comes out harsh, but I've been there. And it was NOT easy. And if I can help someone else not have to learn the hard way, it's worth a few harsh words.
love,
mom

 

I moved out when I was 17 years old. I did fine for myself! went to college, graduated, moved to get a good job and am living very happily! You can do it if you have the heart and strength to do it. I admit, it was hard at first, but well worth it now!
Good luck!

 

I moved out when I was 18, and I was doing just fine until I decided to get married. It's the whole moving in with this boyfriend and possibly getting married that is the big red warning flag for most of us replying to this thread. Besides, the OP is 17... how old is this boyfriend of hers? What if he goes to jail for statutory rape or pedophilia? Where does that leave her then?