You fucks can kiss my Eternal Ass before I let you into Heaven -

When was the last time that:

-You went to mass?
-Help someone for free?
-Piss on a atheist?
-Send money to a tv preacher?
-Pray?
-Obey at least one commandment for one day?
-Not masturbate for a week?

 

damn, i guess I'm fucked!

 

All of the above????????

 

Thou bet thy nuts! What's that? Rock'n roll music? Thou are gonna get thy testicules roasted in hell.

 

Hawkrider, my child,

Thou will come into heaven. Thou are not responsible for your actions. And if you lazy kids sniff too much glue, thy brain cells will also die.

 

So, does this make me eligible for a speedpass so I dont have to stop at the toll booth as I'm afraid I don't have any cash on me.

 

-You went to mass? Never, never will, fuck mass.
-Help someone for free? I always do.
-Piss on a atheist? Never, never will.
-Send money to a tv preacher? Never, never will.
-Pray? Never, never will.
-Obey at least one commandment for one day? Hmm... didn't steal lately.
-Not masturbate for a week? Yeah right.

 

SINNERS!!!

These posts go straight to thy files. I must warn you that God has an elephant's memory and also a dick the size of it's nose, and also...er...I forget but, yeah I have a good memory...

Now, you guys be nice and kill some unbelievers. I would also appreciate if you'd stop mastubating. It's not like your genitals will fall if you skip a few days here and there.

 

Yah thanks, but I'm interested in this speedpass too...Ya know, I just don't really wanna get patted down on the way in.

 

i can see why you're against masterbating. i mean it must be fucking hard to do with one that size. you have to use two hands and shit...

 

-You went to mass? never...............
-Help someone for free? every day
-Piss on a atheist? never
-Send money to a tv preacher? haha, they aint gettin my money
-Pray? every once in a while
-Obey at least one commandment for one day? i obey a few
-Not masturbate for a week? haha fuck this one..

 

all my friends are in hell ....i wouldnt know anyone in heaven

 

If I believed in either, I'd have to agree. At least we'd have some fun. :X

 

1.) I went to Haverhill a few weeks ago. Thats in Mass.
2.) I do that all the time.
3.) I piddled on my shoe the other day. I don't think that counts though.
4.) The last time they deserved it.
5.) Every day ("Please God, I don't wanna go to work today!")
6.) I stopped stealing and murdering so I should be all set.
7.) Um... lemme get back to you in a few minutes, OK?

 

Why do thy kids wonder why thy Father has grey hair?

What's with this thing about masturbation? Thou kids seem to do it everywhere all the time... Geeze, in the bus, in school, see a green Volkswagon go by, you take it out and thou play with it... Give it a break, it's not gonna fall, I swear to God...

 

-You went to mass?

I visited Boston in 1990.

-Help someone for free?

I am a PROFESSIONAL!!! but, hey, for you . . .

-Piss on a atheist?

Uhmm . . . isn't that kinda kinky? . . . well, now, this time I have certainly pissed off some fundamentalists.

-Send money to a tv preacher?

You can do that? Really? What happens after that? Really?

-Pray?

I play . . . does God pray?

-Obey at least one commandment for one day?

Okay, just for today . . . I shalt not covet thine ass.

-Not masturbate for a week?

I never masturbate for a week. I am not even sure that I could. I bet it would really start to sting after the first few hours.

 

-You went to mass?I dont have to go to mass, all catholics are destined for hell for breaking the second commandment
-Help someone for free? I nave never charge for anything I ever did...but deliver furniture.
-Piss on a atheist? age 3
-Send money to a tv preacher? never
-Pray? alla the time
-Obey at least one commandment for one day? today
-Not masturbate for a week? um.....age 12. no wait boot camp........

 

What do pissing and masturbating have to do with going to heaven?

 

Quote: What do pissing and masturbating have to do with going to heaven?

Since we don't know if there is a heaven or what it takes to get in there, it has everything to do with it friend,

 

What do pissing and masturbating have to do with going to heaven?

This thread is very dumb.