im gay but gays are scared of me. I act so str8. living in such a hard enviroment, i've been build up a protection walls outside of me. Gays look at me, like me at first, after a while dealing with me, they are just scared. I act so str8. my natural reactions are not gay at all. thats good to ignore ppl who you dont like, but with those im interested in, i've been making them afraid of me. What should i do? Its even hard for me to shatter down those walls. Its hard for me to act gayly. i've totally accepted myself as a gay for a while, but still im not so confident to let ppl know that im gay. The more im insecured inside, the more confident and str8 i look outside. Going to a bar with some new friends, there were 2 guys of them i was interested in. One of them shown his interest in me, but i didnt react to him at all. I was so insecured among the group of new friends...and ofcourse i tried to look and act so confidently and str8ly. I m stupidly wait for the doors to close and try to open them up to enter. They guy told me that he got a girlfriend, i dont think he has one. But still, im sad. I just scared one more guy who i m interested in. Hes going for a long trip, i wont be seeing him for a while. Maybe i should use this time to forget abt him. I liked someone very much a half year ago, but i missed the chance because of being so shy... I tried to ask someone out, but i got refused...he was so shy ..haha poor me! Im sorry for my post. Im just in a lot of troubles which is caused by myself. I need to write this down.
Eric, good to hear you have taken a moment to write down your thoughts. It sounds like you're in a very dreary place. There's nothing wrong with being straight acting, from what I hear many gay dudes find it very attractive. But you've been making all the cute boys afraid of you? like Georgie Porgie? Poor thing, is there something else that could be turning these boys off? I can't tell what's going on, so I can only offer basic support and advice. You admit to being guarded and protective. It sucks to feel that way. I always admire people who can be completely free, even if it's just an act. I have been known to be very reserved myself. That's how I was especially when I first came out. It takes most people a while to learn to be comfortable when you're in a dating environment. One thing to think about is that when you go to a club, or party or wherever, there's probably only going to be one person who is thinking about you: yourself. Everyone else is going to be worrying about themselves. So, when someone gives you a strange look, they are more than likely thinking something like, "I wonder if Eric thinks my hair looks funny," or "I bet Eric doesn't like me," or any of a thousand other doubts that plague us all. So, yeah if you look back at him all straight and butch and scared shitless, he's going to think you do hate him, or worse, that you think he's a fool. Try to be a little less stingy with your feelings and say different things, even if it starts to sound dumb. Like, let go of a complement. "I like your hair," Or "you have pretty eyes," or "god, your voice is so low and sexy." What ever you're thinking -don't keep it to yourself. If you make a mistake, laugh. If you're the first one to laugh then everybody is laughing with you and nobody is laughing at you. Of course you know who the sexiest man in the world is? The one who can make me laugh. Never forget that. I like to go on the internet and find one joke to memorize before I go out, just so I have something new to say. Something I'm not bored of hearing myself say again. You should always be yourself, even if that is a little too straight or butch. There is no reason to act "gay" just to fit in. But there's a couple things you can do to soften your persona. Touch. If you're with a friend, or someone you know, don't be afraid to touch him on the shoulder or arm or knee, or pat him on the back. This will let other gay men know that you are not afraid and that you aren't too straight. If you think someone is interested in you, find a way to gently touch him in a way that isn't too sexual. Shake hands. Touch his wrist or arm when you ask to see his watch, or touch his shoulder when you tell him his sweater looks so soft and cozy. Think of stuff like that when you're talking to him. Smile and bat your eyes. Yes it's corny but, honey, if he's the least bit interested in you, it always works! You may not be good at conversation. But you don't have to be to hold a conversation, just let him do all the talking. You keep asking questions, anything about him or his life. Most people love to talk about themselves and will give their opinion on anything. "Where did you grow up." "What's your favorite band." "Do you like the new supermarket" "Have you seen Brokeback Mountain?" And if the person doesn't want to talk to you, move on and find somebody who does. If you're at all lucky you'll probably scare off hundreds of guys. I say lucky, because that means that you have tried to talk to many, many more. Keep talking to different boys, one of them will turn out to be just what you're looking for and will feel the same way about you. I don't know how to help you get over your shyness. It's a hard thing to do. But people do it. Take little steps. Try talking to people you normally wouldn't talk to, like a little old lady at the bus stop or the man at the gas station. When you learn to talk to strangers who you don't care if they ignore you, it will be easier to talk to that hot boy who's got your undies in a bunch. You need to give it time, if you're going to meet a quality man. You know, I about died when I said it, but let me tell you about a time when I first came out and I was at a gay bar and no body would talk to me and I was sitting there clenching my cheeks and trying not to look like I was ready to bolt out of the joint. And then the hottest man walked into the bar and walked right up and sat down next to me. I would have left right away but I couldn't move a muscle. He ordered a drink and started talking to me. I don't know what he was saying because it was making me dizzy. I just nodded my head and kept looking away because otherwise I was going to faint. And then he asked me, "What's the matter." I don't know what came over me, I guess I just snapped. I was thinking, as soon as he heard me talk or got to know me he was just going to say, what a looser and walk away, Right? So, I decided to be honest with him, that way maybe he would just leave so I could finish my drink and stop missing my mouth and spilling it in my lap, which he hadn't noticed me doing yet, thank god. I said, "You are the most gorgeous man who has ever talked to me, and you are scaring the shit out of me because you are so fucking incredible." I felt like everyone in the bar heard me, but probably they didn't even notice my petty drama. And I started to put my coat on. And he stopped me and ordered me another drink and we ended up being lovers for the next three years. True story of how Will and I got together. The best advice: try to be honest and just be yourself.
hey Mychal, you are such a nice guy. I posted my thoughts and honestly didnt expect having a reply. But I have one, a GOOD one. Thank you so much for replying me! Little by little, im getting better, dealing with my life. I really learn an important lesson from you abt the "touching", "patting"...Some guys who i was interested in did touch me in the shoulders or hold my wrist...but i didnt understand the signals. I thought its just friend things. Now i know, and i will use it with guys who im interested in. I read ur reply twice. Thank you, Mychal! Its very kind of you. Wish you luck and happiness!
